Oh no...

itjustis · Sep 25, 2016, 02:05 PM

I've just emailed T telling her she's mean and I don't like her sometimes because her boundaries are ridiculous and unfair and I don't like them. And also I bet that it's only me that isn't allowed to text.

Oh god. Oh god!!

growlycat · Sep 25, 2016, 02:07 PM

Honesty isn't a bad thing. It can clear the air and drain wounds. Maybe t needs to hear the unfiltered message for things to improve.

Out There · Sep 25, 2016, 02:41 PM

I aimed an unfiltered message at my T , it's things from the past and if they're professional hopefully they understand and it can do what Growly said.

itjustis · Sep 25, 2016, 02:54 PM

Thank you. I just wish I worded it a bit differently because I think I sound childish!!
If she doesn't reply to the email then I really need to have a think about whether or not I go back to her. Only because I won't see her this week and I need some form of contact.

Waterbear · Sep 25, 2016, 03:11 PM

If she knows you and it sounded childish then hopefully she will see that and see where it is coming from and help you work through it. Unless you really do think her boundaries are ridiculous! I hope that she responds to you in a proffessional and appropriate manner. Hugs.

Sep 25, 2016, 04:37 PM

I did things like that several times with my former T in email and I felt similarly bad about it. He interpreted it as displaced anger that was originally meant for my mother. That was an interesting idea and we discussed it some, but the truth is, he was also just a jerk at times with totally messy boundaries especially regarding email.

itjustis · Sep 26, 2016, 07:44 AM

Well, she hasn't replied yet. Now I'm just angry at her.

Sep 26, 2016, 07:57 AM

Perhaps she thinks it's something better addressed in session. My T would likely do the same.
And don't worry if it sounds childish. It's okay to seem childish in therapy. Young feelings can be very powerful and therapy should be a safe place to express them.

stopdog · Sep 26, 2016, 08:55 AM

I prefer angry to other things. I do think email/texting tend to lend themselves to a sense of immediacy on the part of the sender which may not be shared by the recipient.
I actually prefer hard letters in such circumstances. I can send the information away from me with no concerns of whether the woman will respond or not and no worries about how slow or inadequate the response will probably be. By using hard mail - it takes that part out of the equation. And it keeps most of the control back with me.

itjustis · Sep 26, 2016, 09:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by stopdog

I prefer angry to other things. I do think email/texting tend to lend themselves to a sense of immediacy on the part of the sender which may not be shared by the recipient.
I actually prefer hard letters in such circumstances. I can send the information away from me with no concerns of whether the woman will respond or not and no worries about how slow or inadequate the response will probably be. By using hard mail - it takes that part out of the equation. And it keeps most of the control back with me.

I can work with angry better too. When we discussed boundaries she said email is ok but don't expect a reply in any time scale. Really? I'd expect a reply within 24 hours. I wish she would be straight up and say no contact at all instead of p*****g me off.

Her boundaries are sloppy I'm realising.
You will either reply or you won't...it's that simple.
I want to tell her to stick her next appt where the sun doesn't shine so I can get back some of the control she's taken away but I know I can't leave it like this because it will eat away at me!!