My T doesn´t get to my defences?

I begin to wonder if all my T and I do is problematize during sessions. Normally I tell her about "problems" during the week, how I felt and worries that came up. Then I usually connect what I tell her to my complex of problems, like low self esteem, perfectionism and so on. How that might be connected, how it might have occurred in the first place and so on. I feel it´s more me who brings "new material" than her actually presenting something new and changing.

She often tells me something from her life, small things like something about a friend who experienced a similar thing or something that happened to her that have a connection to what I´ve told her.

But that´s it! It more or less always feels good talking to her and vent but I begin to ask myself if she is getting to my defences at all. She tries to go back to my childhood, that's completely fine but as I haven´t got any difficult memories from that time I don´t have anything much to present to her.

I thought it would be a lot more about getting to the subconscious, being questioned in a tactical and stepwise way. Now it´s more like a discussion, perhaps she uses a technique that´s about her being a model for different ways of thinking. I won´t listen to that, I´m not there to "incorporate" her stories, I want more of a change. She is psychodynamic and by that she should know about the stuff I look for.

What´s your opinion on this?

I think you've posted something about this before - her not asking deep questions. What you're getting doesn't seem like therapy to me.

She may be following your lead. So instead of following the usual pattern and talking about your week and drawing intellectual links between current daily problems and larger issues, why not skip that, pick one of those larger issues and really explore it - like why you have low self-esteem, when did it start, what's your first memory of it, how do you descrbe yourself to yourself, how do you present yourself to others, etc. Sometimes you have to lead the dance.

Also I think low self-esteem and perfectionism are very likely to stem from childhood experiences and that she is on the right track there.

Thanks. Yes, I agree some pattern has to be broken down and shifted to something else but I can´t do this by my own. I don´t have any clear memories about how the low self esteem occurred in the first place, I have told my T a bit about my early school years and what happened there and so on.

I also agree low self esteem occurred early in my life but it won´t help me that she tries to bring some memories forward when I don´t have any specific memories about that. I mean, I can´t present a period of severe bullying or something like that.

It´s like just digging and asking questions I don´t have any answers to.

I think you may be thinking too much in terms of direct cause and effect. Low self-esteem and perfectionism are caused not just by an event like bullying, but persistent factors in your environment as well.

What I would be asking if I were her is something like when do you first remember feeling low self-esteem/bad about yourself, what else (not necessarily related to low self-esteem) was going on in your life at the time, how were the people in your life behaving at the time, etc.

Thanks. That was an interesting aspect. What I feel when my T asks me about things is that she searches for specific events, times and so on. She mostly lets me ramble and that isn´t effective. At the same time I don´t have the energy to push forward and steer therapy forward. My efforts don´t lead me anywhere.