I've been thinking alot about my T and I and how we are progressing in just my upcoming 7th visit. There are limited therapists in my area now since I've saw just about all of them, I live in a rural community so most have been in the field 30 + years. Anyway my new T is incredible, but I dont know why. I feel so so comfortable with her. I've already called her once, I've already cried in her office, I've shared my poetry with her, and I've e-mailed her.

This really is scary for me. I'm unsure as to why I'm comfortable with her, she's easy to talk to, open, intelligent,..but the part that bothers me is I find her attrative , being a male espcially me who is open arms to anyone that will listen I'm afraid my attraction to her is possibly hurting to bond? I think this is a temporary feeling tho because when I cry I think of her as a body guard pushing over the depressive thoughts, but in therapy at times i find it hard to look at her,...not sure if i should...i'm trying to lower the attraction because she really helps me and i dont want that to interfere.

Am i a bad for having these thoughts so quickly? I belieeve i will progress with my currernt T,...just some aspects scare...me. There are times when i just want her to hug me, shake my hand,...but I know i shouldnt expect that....i'm growing into a new relationship its hard....ty for reading..

Dustin

[withit]

Do you feel comfortable discussing this with her?

I have found that when I talked to t about my wanting to go to bed with her....about this strong pull I have to her....things got a lot easier.
Our secrets weigh a ton of weight, but as soon as we talk them out we become so much lighter.

[ECHOES]

Moonkin, you are fine and attraction is okay, part of the attachment for some.

Although it may sound unthinkable, this is something you can talk about with her. This will be a familiar topic for her even if it is unfamiliar and anxiety-provoking for you. If you tell her about it, it gives her the opportunity to reassue you that it is okay and there is nothing at all wrong with the way you feel and that might be very relieving for you to hear that from her.

You are right where you need to be. You are doing so well with this T. Maybe that is a bit scary too and you're unconsciously looking for ways for the connection to be 'not right' or 'too much'.

Often the more connected I feel the more I want to turn and run. Connection is so good but can be so uncomfortable too.

Hang in there, you're doing great!

I just replied to your post and it mysteriously disappeared.... so I will try again.

Your attraction to your T is totally normal. It might help if you google transference or erotic transference and do some reading on those subjects.

The attraction to T is something that should not hinder therapy; rather you should use it as something to work through. I feel the same way towards my T only I have chosen not to work through it yet because I would rather die. LOL. It doesn't really hinder therapy for me because I have a pretty good understanding of why I feel the way I do. One of my goals is to work through this with him, but I'm just not ready yet.

If you feel ready, then by all means, begin to address this issue with your T. However, don't force anything-- I truly believe that when things are ready to come out, they will.

Some theorists (and clinicians) think that some kind of erotic transference is an essential part of the working through. And since you seem to click so well with her and find her open and emotionally responsive (perhaps more so than any other woman you have had in your life) NOT feeling attracted to her might well indicate very serious pathology indeed ;-)

I think that it is terrific that you have developed trust in her emotional responsiveness so that you are able to share your poetry with her.

This is something that I struggle a bit with... Just because you find someone attractive... Even if it is the case that they find you attractive too... Doesn't mean that those feelings HAVE to be acted on and it also doesn't mean that there is anything wrong with those feelings. I read something somewhere just last night about how some kind of erotic attraction is the norm and that it does indeed form an important part of the working alliance / attachment.

Er... Could you talk to your therapist about some of your feelings?

I have talked about mine a little bit with my therapist... I've talked about wishing that he could hold me. That is a kind of erotic attachment, I guess. I've also thought a little about having sex with him, though I'll admit that I've never found the courage to talk to him about that! I've fairly recently become involved with someone IRL and I haven't told him that... The person actually strikes me as sharing some qualities with my therapist that are fairly important to me. Height is one striking feature (my therapist is really tall, but my bf even more so lol). They have similarly soothing voices (which my father had as well - though my father wasn't as emotionally responsive as either of them). I told him at one point that I told him I needed things to slow down... Then, after a week when he asked about how things were going with respect to the slower pace I kind of blushed and said 'er... that was last week that I wanted that'. Didn't talk to him anymore about that, however. I have great trouble talking about that kind of thing with him. Email is the way for me lol.

But yeah, erotic attraction is the norm rather than the exception. Talking through it is supposed to help but... Takes a lot of courage methinks.