Couch 124 - Discussions & more!

I hate when that happens!

Some jargon is inevitable. There are psych concepts that have no common names.

All the same, I get your point. It is so easy to fall into jargon for jargon's sake.

T will say, "You take your body for granted. You need to listen to it more before it fails."

A great session with Kashi. Wow. More like talking to a close friend than last time. He shared a small bit of abuse he endured growing up. Not detail just that we have something in common. As we were talking about lots of things he laughed "we may be the same person." It did strike me that he is more similar to me than other therapists that I have had.

I haven't seen the woman in two months. I am thinking about just not going back.

He will also tell me my body does not deserve my distain. He thinks my negative self talk is abusive and I should give myself and this body the same compassion I give others. Big eye roll.

That would make me gag.

Would you still see the other one?

I don't know. I mostly just talk about my person's health - and it is just sort of variations on the same thing every time.

tee hee!!

Just got home from today's shamanic training.What an incredible day (again)! I am emotionally wiped, but in a good way. I think I actually worked through how to let go of the pain from that long-ago hate letter from my mother. I'm going to write a letter back to her, putting all of my pain into the letter, and then I'm going to ask t if I can mail it to her instead, so I can at least mail it away from myself. I decided during one of my journeys today that there's really no point to me sending the letter to my mother - 30 years after the fact - it's her stuff to deal with now. Whether she does or not, I don't care. I'm not claiming it anymore. Anyway, I am so happy that I followed my heart on this one and decided to do the training this year. It feeds my soul so much and is exactly what I am supposed to be doing with my life right now.

It does but at the same time, my way of thinking and doing things just keeps leading me back to the pit of despair and I get tired of how hard it is not to kill myself sometimes. So I roll my eyes and try to listen and try to implement the things he says that don't make me feel totally stupid or even more self destructive.

Chocolate peanut butter anything is the key to my survival right now.

Tired of being so tired and worn out all the time. Slept fine last night but just tired. Plus depression means nothing is interesting so all I'm doing is waiting for it to be time to take my night meds and go to sleep.

Trying to lose some weight or I'd be down with the peanut butter and chocolate, @@.

Can I eat your share for you then?

Be my guest!

I just had a tsp of butter on a microwaved russet potato and truffle salt. Omg. And watching Wonder Woman. I think the stupid scale is starting to move down again. I have been on the worlds longest stupid plateau. Plateau is very interesting in mountain terms, isnt it. You can go across, but not up and not down. You cant get to an edge.

I just made salad and spaghetti for dinner.

I ended up going to my sister's celebration, after all. DD1 got paid very well for babysitting. BIL got a lot of her friends together for it. My two older sisters came (haven't seen them for years) and my niece and her husband and sons came. I sat on their end of the table, got to catch up, and maintained a safe distance from the people I wanted to avoid. Nobody got disorderly though I'm sure adult beverages were served on that end of the table. I had a filet, tried some new sushi, and had a night away from my girls. And I got home by 11:00. So I guess I resisted for nothing. . .

Hugs and nods to all who want them. Edit: Feel a bit too exposed by my rant in this post so I removed it

I feel like writing a Shirley Jackson/Roald Dahl type story. In which a psychiatrist turns out to be a murderer. No. 3 was always encouraging me to write, after all...

I posit that self-respecting villains require a certain amount of intelligence, not to mention chutzpah and flair.

Okay, I'll be the murderer then!

Wait...doesn't SD write stories like that? Maybe we could put out an anthology?

I'd contribute to the anthology except former T sadly just isn't up to snuff if I were to judge her by Moriarty standards (and really, what other standards are there?). Sigh.

Yeah, but she's at least Medea-quality, right?