Couch 124 - Discussions & more!

Well damn. I have a really painful situation on my hands. My massage therapist who I've been seeing regularly since Feb and I have been having email exchanges for a while. She is very spiritual and we sort of bounce meditation ideas off each other, etc
.I can be a bit over sensitive to written stuff but I've been working on that and I totally thought it was a situation of mutual sharing and enjoyment.

So, it came as quite a painful shock at our session Wednesday night when she told me my emails were a "pain in the ***"

It was at the end and she had to go so no chance to.talk about it.

I contacted her about it Friday BC I was really hurt but I got some new agey stuff about "intention doesn't equal outcome" and how she would never say anything hurtful in purpose.

So I said, OK but it WAS really hurtful
It really hurt me.
And she just said she "wouldn't engage in negativity" with me.

I have so many issues around abandonment and being ashamed of my need for love its nearly crushed me into nonfunctional-ness.

And I can't tell.my T because 1. My T knows her and 2. I'm terrified now that my T feels the same as my massage therapist because I bother my T more.

So I'm just drowning in hurt and shame. I thought we were becoming friends. I've resorted to some very bad coping mechanisms.

I don't know what to do from here. She has some kind of training so.I won't see her for nearly 2 weeks. I obviously can't email.her. I don't know if I go back. If I just pretend it never happened...I hurt so.much I feel sick.

And I feel so ruined..like everything my mom ever said about me was right.

Its awful

We were hugging goodbye and she said how she'd pry be incommunicado next week BC of her training seminars. I kind of sheepishly said "OK. I'll try not to be a pain" and she said "well, you aren't really a pain but your emails are a real.pain in the ***"

Then we said goodbye....

Sorry guys I should probably shut up and stay off in this current state. Don't mean to be such a damn crybaby.

Forgive me if that was too personal. I'm working through some really not good things, and I wanted to lift you up. I hope that was ok. Thank

DD I am sorry if maybe I sounded dismissive? It wasn't my intention. I just don't know how to help sometimes

Phone session with my T in a few minutes. I should tell her what happened but I'm so ashamed that I'm not sure I can

Okay, I'll be the murderer then!

Wait...doesn't SD write stories like that? Maybe we could put out an anthology?

I actually looked. In the only full-length picture I have of her, her legs are partly obscured by a lectern.

If my mother knew I was discussing her legs on the internet, I would be sent to my room for at least a month.

Oh gawd.....Dietrich legs AND speaking at a lectern AND you said she's in her 70s? (Totally swoon-worthy)

Would it help if you told your mother that she has total strangers fixated on her legs......who've never seen her legs.....thanks to her daughter's description?

(I uhhh....spent a considerable time in college being obsessed with the description of Eustacia Vye's hands [Hardy's Return of the Native]).

Well if I tell her I'll need her to be on my side. I'd at least need her to take the position of " that was a very unkind thing to say"

I mean intellectually I know my T and I just discussed this and she said everything was fine.. I told massage therapist that she didn't have to reply if she was busy or whatever ....but who knows.

I'm so sorry your massage T said that to you--that's awful. I don't see how she could say it wasn't meant in a hurtful/negative way.

A few months ago, my T told me that my e-mails were getting to be "too much," that I was expecting too much of her time. This really hurt and upset me. So I get it. Since then, we've talked a bunch about it and basically repaired things, though I was still nervous about how she'd react when I contacted her multiple times the past two weeks because I was upset about some stuff going on with H (and MC). But she was fine about it, I think because she knew how much distress I was in, and I wasn't just calling or e-mailing just to e-mail.

I would say to talk to your massage T, but it sounds like she's trying to use the new-agey talk to avoid actually apologizing or admitting she did something wrong. I'd talk to your T about it first. Since your T knows her, maybe she'd have suggestions on how to "deal" with her?

I agree that it should be fine to talk to your T about it, even though she knows massage T. I've certainly said negative things about my marriage counselor to T and vice versa, and they work in the same practice and are friends. Your T should keep what you said confidential.