[TishaBuv]

I went to see a CBT psychologist as recommended by my marriage t, just for me alone. The initial session ended with me resolving to make basic positive steps for self care. I didn't change at all. I'm not going to change much at all. I come and go with my healthy/unhealthy ways. I'm probably not going to change. I don't really want to change.

I don't want to see her again. Mostly it's the out of pocket money cost of the sessions. She doesn't take insurance. She asked if I think I'm worth it. I said yes. But honestly, no I am not worth it. She's not worth it. How dare I spend that kind of money when money is the problem for some of my issues. Duh, why give the money to her when I can give the money to my struggling mother who needs it more?

Nah, i'm not going back.

If the marriage t can't handle me, I can be done with him, too.

And this is how it goes...years and years of getting nowhere.

I'm done seeing my T too. There is nothing more she can do for me either.

But you can change. You have so much to offer. Plan some healthy meals, take a walk. Stay away from your mother. Maybe consider a medication if you are severely depressed. You are just a giving person. I am trying to be less selfish. Maybe you need to start doing the exact opposite....

And because I am trying to be less selfish, I am kicking myself of PC for the rest of the day. I need to clean the house and do some more cooking.

Little by little, you can definitely change!

[LucyG]

I don't blame you at all for not wanting to see the therapist. They're in business and need to convince you that you're worth their fee which I bet is over $100 an hour so they can pay their bills.

Here's a few things I've learned from a counselor and on my own over the years that have helped me cope.

First, if you're a reader, buy books on the subject you're dealing with. If you can't afford books, read the comments and reviews of books as you often get a boil down of the book. Also read blog articles, look the subject up on youtube and the like. It's amazing how much free advice is out there for the taking.

When I first started seeing one counselor, he taught me how to challenge my distorted thoughts and replace them with more realistic ones. I've been doing that for 20 years now, and it's amazing how much it helps.

Here's what I do: One a piece of paper of Word document I have two columns, and on the left side of the page I write 'distorted thoughts' and on the right 'rational thoughts.' Under distorted thoughts I write whatever it is that's bothering me such as 'everyone hates me.' Then I challenge it on the right side. I might write something like 'everyone doesn't know me so how can they hate me? It's just so-and-so that dislikes me for X....' I do this as many times as needed as often as needed and go back and read it when the distorted thoughts overwhelm me. It isn't perfect, but I've found it incredibly helpful in keeping me from becoming utterly overwhelmed when depressed or having family issues and the like.

[TishaBuv]

I am so totally undisciplined! The healthy living is something I can do some of the time, but then I binge on unhealthy living. I am a flip flop person.

I like talking about myself on here, but hate doing it in t. It's mostly the money. The amount i wrote just on here probably represents ten years of t! Would it have made a difference if I paid a t to listen? Do I need to pay a t to tell me to eat right and exercise?

I wish I had found a real doctor who actually knew what to do. Why can't I be properly diagnosed and treated? I have been to over a dozen psychiatric professionals!

[LonesomeTonight]

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

I am so totally undisciplined! The healthy living is something I can do some of the time, but then I binge on unhealthy living. I am a flip flop person.

I like talking about myself on here, but hate doing it in t. It's mostly the money. The amount i wrote just on here probably represents ten years of t! Would it have made a difference if I paid a t to listen? Do I need to pay a t to tell me to eat right and exercise?

I wish I had found a real doctor who actually knew what to do. Why can't I be properly diagnosed and treated? I have been to over a dozen psychiatric professionals!

I think you should try seeing a non-CBT therapist, like a psychotherapist or psychodynamic therapist. CBT T's are focused on making changes right now in your life. While a T doing regular psychotherapy would focus more on the reasons for doing that, like stuff from your childhood.

[TishaBuv]

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

I think you should try seeing a non-CBT therapist, like a psychotherapist or psychodynamic therapist. CBT T's are focused on making changes right now in your life. While a T doing regular psychotherapy would focus more on the reasons for doing that, like stuff from your childhood.

I have vented and overanalyzed all the childhood trauma myself on here. I've been to many t's. I don't feel like any of them properly evaluated me and gave me any legitimate diagnosis and treatment. They were all just grasping at straws. Gave conflicting diagnoses or given a 'you don't have any disorder' diagnosis.

I'll just keep reading and learning by myself. No one's even forcing me to change. My h is resolved to stay with me no matter what I do. My mother can't live forever. I am what i am.

[Victoria'smom]

Have you ever gone to a nerophycologist for a full evaluation?

[AncientMelody]

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

I have vented and overanalyzed all the childhood trauma myself on here. I've been to many t's. I don't feel like any of them properly evaluated me and gave me any legitimate diagnosis and treatment. They were all just grasping at straws. Gave conflicting diagnoses or given a 'you don't have any disorder' diagnosis.

I'll just keep reading and learning by myself. No one's even forcing me to change. My h is resolved to stay with me no matter what I do. My mother can't live forever. I am what i am.

Maybe you don't have a disorder? The human psyche is complex, and not necessarily disordered. Life changes are HARD, changing habits, well as humans we are not very good at it. You're not alone in that. So much of the human experience is medicalized these days, but not everything is medical or needing treatment per se. Good luck

[TishaBuv]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

Have you ever gone to a nerophycologist for a full evaluation?

I didn't know there was such a doctor.

[TishaBuv]

I canceled. Still seeing the marriage t tonight.

I'm actually feeling really healthy at the moment as I've had the realization I've been played and gaslighted. I am a highly sensitive person who has been abused. Now I see it for what it is.

They can't hurt me anymore. I have seen behind Oz's curtain. The jig is up!