[Bipolarchic14]

When I was in my group last week one of the group members was crying. She recently started working at a mental health program. One of the employees was making fun of borderline personality disorder claiming they are only trying to get attention.

Then last year when I was in my IOP program there was an LCSW in the program with me and she spent most of the time making fun of her patients. This makes me wonder what they really think of us.

I am just wondering if others experience the same thing I have experience .

[JaneTennison1]

There are people who believe they don't care a bit, I believe some do. I know I care about people I deal with at my work.

[Aardwolf]

It depends very much. Some will, some won't.
It's similar to positions of power. Some will be there for the right reason, some for the wrong.

It isn't something that can be generalized. Each therapist is an individual. Each therapist/client dynamic is individual.

In my individual experience, the therapists I chose to work with long-term cared quite deeply and genuinely, and they demonstrated that caring consistently during our time working together and beyond. I briefly saw a few therapist who I felt were just "there" and I chose not to continue working with them.

[mindwrench]

I think the intake T at my local clinic cares. But I think my T does not care. So I terminated with him today. I would like to think there are T's out there who care, I will try my hand at finding one soon.

[Luce]

I too think some do and some don't. I also think that each therapist both does and doesn't care about certain things. And that they have personal reactions to triggers that they are not always aware of, and that these can sometimes lead to less than ideal responses to clients. And I think that one client perceives as 'caring' might seem completely inadequate to another client, and completely invasive / inappropriate to another. I think my long term t cared deeply about me, but there are circumstances when her caring was not apparent at all. I think Ts can care deeply about a client or situation, and yet still respond to something in a way that suggests uncaring instead.
I think there is no one standard of what 'caring' looks like, and not one T in the world who 'cares' in 100% of the ways we would wish them to, or is able to sustain caring behaviors 100% of the time.
When it comes to therapists I don't think we can speak of them as a 'they'.

[here today]

From my experience I believe that few really care. I've been to a bunch of individual therapists, none of whom I feel in retrospect really cared. In an IOP program I went to several years ago there was only one out of about 12 who I felt really cared about the clients as people.

[LonesomeTonight]

My marriage counselor has said that he "genuinely cares" about me. At one point, when I was kind of upset with him, I said that I was basically paying him to care. And he said that I could pay him to do his job (be a T), but I couldn't pay him to care. In other words, he chooses to care--or he just does because that's who he is.

And my individual T, I used to think she was fairly detached, but then she told me how her colleagues actually think she cares *too* much about her clients. That she's thinking/worrying about them on the weekends, stuff like that. And I've come to realize in the past year or so (been seeing her for 4 years) that she really does care quite a bit about me.

The way I think of it is, if someone didn't care about people in general, wanting to make their lives betters and wanting them to feel better, then why would they choose to become a T at all? Sure, there's some money there, but there are other, more lucrative careers. If you choose to spend your days listening to other people's problems and trying to help them, I feel like you have to care at least at some level. Sure, there are some T's who might be burnt out, who might be overextended and not care as much as they used to about clients in general. Or some might be really good at leaving the caring in the office and compartmentalizing their work. So that they might care about a client in session, but not think of the client outside of it. But I think the majority of T's do genuinely care about their clients.

[velcro003]

Originally Posted by Bipolarchic14

When I was in my group last week one of the group members was crying. She recently started working at a mental health program. One of the employees was making fun of borderline personality disorder claiming they are only trying to get attention.

Then last year when I was in my IOP program there was an LCSW in the program with me and she spent most of the time making fun of her patients. This makes me wonder what they really think of us.

I am just wondering if others experience the same thing I have experience .

That seems nuts! I think this is a hard subject to define because everyone experiences "caring" as something different. I think my T "cares" enough because she rarely cancels (and she did today for monday, and i am sad, but am assuming something came up unexpectedly), and is always present for my sessions despite me being the last session on a long day. But more than that, it is just a "feeling." You can tell when someone isn't REALLY invested in your future or fate. Or at least, I can. People fake it all the time, and some people are probably very good at it, especially sociopaths

I don't know. I've had two therapists. I think my first one cared enough, but we just didn't click. Her way of working did not work with my way of dealing. I just thought it was normal until I couldn't take it anymore and quit. I got VERY lucky, and my second therapist...I knew after the first sesion that she understood me pretty easily, and that we'd "click." I hate that term, but for some reason it does work.

[BudFox]

I'm sure it runs the gamut, but my sense is that the greater part of it is paid performance. Have read too many stories about therapists talking smack about their clients or otherwise demonstrating contempt or indifference. I've seen firsthand how quickly the apparent caring can vanish and the performance end.

Also, I think when this question has to be asked in the first place, the answer is already known to some degree.

[atisketatasket]

Originally Posted by BudFox

I'm sure it runs the gamut, but my sense is that the greater part of it is paid performance. Have read too many stories about therapists talking smack about their clients or otherwise demonstrating contempt or indifference. I've seen firsthand how quickly the apparent caring can vanish and the performance end.

Also, I think when this question has to be asked in the first place, the answer is already known to some degree.

I kind of agree - the fact that therapists seem to feel the need to put "genuinely" in front of "care" (No. 3 did) suggests that either they normally do not genuinely care or they know clients are suspicious. Or even the genuinely is an act.

Sorry to depress anyone, and I'm sure some do really care, and those who do clearly demonstrate it. But most of the time it's a professional caring. A little more intense than your dentist caring that you don't get cavities, but still professional.

[junkDNA]

i am starting to feel like its all a sham

Originally Posted by atisketatasket

I kind of agree - the fact that therapists seem to feel the need to put "genuinely" in front of "care" (No. 3 did) suggests that either they normally do not genuinely care or they know clients are suspicious. Or even the genuinely is an act.

Sorry to depress anyone, and I'm sure some do really care, and those who do clearly demonstrate it. But most of the time it's a professional caring. A little more intense than your dentist caring that you don't get cavities, but still professional.

I would hope it is professional. Anything less than professional would not be okay. Just my take on it.

[atisketatasket]

Originally Posted by lolagrace

I would hope it is professional. Anything less than professional would not be okay. Just my take on it.

Well, yeah, of course...but clients sometimes seem to want caring beyond that level. Not unprofessional caring per se, just caring that is more personal.

[Pennster]

My therapist is a big old Buddhist, and I feel like this has a major role in how he feels about his clients. He has this big compassion thing going on, and he talks about what an honor it is to work with his clients. He's almost reverential about the people he works with.

He is very openly caring and I dont see any reason to doubt his sincerity. I am going through a bit of a hard time right now and I am really grateful for this level of caring - it touches me in my heart and makes me feel I am not going through this alone.

Knowing they don't really care all that much if at all can be really freeing.

[HALLIEBETH87]

When my psychologist cried after I told him about the gun and he asked me to get help- I believed it when he said he cared.

[LucyG]

I think dealing with peoples' problems all day every day leads to a high rate of burn-out. They're human and only have so much to give. I think you're basically buying a friend, but it troubles me how they try to make sure the client becomes very dependent on them. I have a sibling that was extremely dependent on a therapist to the point she cut off all contact with most of her family. It was sad. This is one reason I never relied on one when I was on meds and had to see one to get my meds.

[unaluna]

When i do a job, i want to do a good job regardless of who im doing it for. Its MY JOB. Its not dependent on the client, really. Its like noun verb object. The job is the verb. It acts upon the object. But for each noun, its the same. So it depends on the t. Some people do a good job, some dont care, some are ignorant.

[Waterbear]

When I was searching for a new T I saw one who was very open about something similar to this. We were doing some stuff with a couple of pebbles and it came up that she wanted to be metaphorically right next to me, alongside me. When I asked why, her response was quite amazing, in a bad way, for me. She said that she gets a lot out of it, of being next to people, being someone people talk to. She said she finds it fascinating and that she really likes doing it. She gave a list of reason, which I can't remember because the one thing about all of them is what stuck with me. They were all about her. There was no mention of the client at all. I commend her for her honesty but realised immediately that this wasn't going to work between us.

When I asked my new T why she wanted to become a T, she said that she used to feel bad with a lot of kids telling her stuff and her not being able to help them.

Both of those questions in a way ask why they would care, if they do care, and the responses were very different. I guess I just need someone who cares because they feel I am worth caring about, not to satisfy themseleves, not for their own personal gains.

But then in life do we not do this all of the time. Do we not get close to those that do good for us and keep our distance from those that hurt us? This is selfish, this is about us, not about them. I will stop interrogating my thoughts on this now.

I used to work with the elderly. I cared about the people I worked with, I still care about the people I worked with, and I miss many of them. I don't see why this would be any different for a therapist.

[ScarletPimpernel]

Originally Posted by Waterbear

When I was searching for a new T I saw one who was very open about something similar to this. We were doing some stuff with a couple of pebbles and it came up that she wanted to be metaphorically right next to me, alongside me. When I asked why, her response was quite amazing, in a bad way, for me. She said that she gets a lot out of it, of being next to people, being someone people talk to. She said she finds it fascinating and that she really likes doing it. She gave a list of reason, which I can't remember because the one thing about all of them is what stuck with me. They were all about her. There was no mention of the client at all. I commend her for her honesty but realised immediately that this wasn't going to work between us.

When I asked my new T why she wanted to become a T, she said that she used to feel bad with a lot of kids telling her stuff and her not being able to help them.

Both of those questions in a way ask why they would care, if they do care, and the responses were very different. I guess I just need someone who cares because they feel I am worth caring about, not to satisfy themseleves, not for their own personal gains.

But then in life do we not do this all of the time. Do we not get close to those that do good for us and keep our distance from those that hurt us? This is selfish, this is about us, not about them. I will stop interrogating my thoughts on this now.

I was taught that the only thing we ever do is to benefit ourselves. Even when we do for others and there seems to be no personal gain, we are still benefiting by feeling good about ourselves.

[OliverB]

I would care if I were a therapist so I guess some of them truly care.

I'm convinced my T is a caring person. I would never go to one that didn't seem to be that way.

[SarahSweden]

I think most T:s care on a certain level but very few care in that way that they are affected if their methods end up not working. Then they blame it either on the methods and/or the client, not necessary by telling the client so but to themselves to feel free of guilt when a therapy isn´t successful.

I think very few T:s care about their clients wellbeing on a more deeper level as therapy is just a little part of a clients life, a lot depends on outer circumstances like societal problems as unemployment, isolation and so on.

Being nice, kind, patient and so on is part of therapy and part of the role as a therapist and for me that´s not caring. It´s more of a technique and adapting to a client who the T after a while notices want certain things like being followed to the door when the session ends, being offered water, being asked a certain initial question when opening a session and so on.

Very few are showing their own self to that extent that I would call it caring on a human level, from one human to another. Perhaps that´s also impossible if therapy is to work.