Is it appropriate? I find it helpful if used correctly but it can be so easy for a t to get it wrong and cause a rupture. My t has laughed in session before and it didn't bother me as much but last week it really bothered me.
I use humour as a defence so I make light of things and try to be funny. After three years my t should recognise what is happening when I do this. Recently I told her how difficult it is to discuss my mother. This week I was telling t all the crazy things my mother had said and done during the week. They are actually really funny and in fairness I tried to make t laugh but she couldn't stop laughing. She did apologise and said she wasn't laughing at me but then she started laughing again. I hid my hurt by laughing too but it really touched into something deeper, how my mother would laugh and ridicule me. T knows my mom did this a lot and still carried on laughing. At one stage she had to leave the room. I know a lot of you don't like my t and sometimes I don't like her and we have been getting on really well. I know that this is more about me than her, I felt shamed and ridiculed. She sdid apologise again after session and I know that it wasn't malicious or intentional but I am left feeling hurt.

We always laughed a lot. Sometimes my laughter was paradoxical, and my therapists would point that out.

Have you ever started laughing and just couldn't make yourself stop? In fact, the more you try to get yourself to stop, the more impossible it gets? It sometimes isn't at all about what initially started the laughter, it's almost as if it becomes involuntary. When it happens to me I actually end up in tears. Wonder if that might be what happened to your therapist in that moment.

[Argonautomobile]

My T and I laugh a lot, but I've never felt ridiculed.

I've had the experience, though, of saying something self-depreciating and funny as a defense, and being hurt when other people laughed. Like I'd make a joke about my weight or braces or whatever, secretly hoping that the other person would say "No, you're not fat!" or "your braces look fine" or whatever. Instead, they'd laugh and I'd be hurt.

It's a sucky situation because on the one hand the solution is clear--don't make a joke if you don't want the other person to laugh. Duh.

On the other hand, that's how defenses work--we use them because it's hard to say/ask for something directly. I, at least, could never say, "Hey, do my braces make me look ugly?" because the answer might be mean. So I made jokes instead and secretly hoped. It's a bad way to communicate.

Or maybe your T is just an asshole. Either way, I hope you feel better soon.

My therapist and I laugh a lot. We need to sometimes because the trauma work is tough.

[therapyishelping777]

Sometimes my T's facial expressions can make me laugh.. never felt shame in laughter with him.

[CharlieStarDust]

I'm pretty funny, and my T and I laugh a lot. I once asked her why she laughs at me (in jest, not accusation), and she said: because you respond well to humour. I'm super lucky that my T knows when I'm in a headspace that can handl a joke. We've had some discussions where she missed the mark. She's receptive to criticism, so we worked through it.

[unaluna]

By my definition, a defense is unconscious. So if you were purposely trying to make her laugh, you were not using laughter as a defense. I would ask, what was your unconscious intention? It strikes me more that you were being false with her, intentionally acting a role. Then you became angry that she didnt see through this role-playing to the real you, ie "blaming her for laughing too much." But you set her up in a no-win situation. But so did your mom.

I think thats why my ts usually refuse to laugh in my sessions, unless THEY make a true joke or witticism.

But it also explains why it was only ever safe to try to make my own mother laugh, but i think it hid my same anger at my no win situation.

Complicated! But a breakthru for me, i think!

I think laughter in therapy can be very appropriate! T and I laugh often. In her words we were "cackling like a couple of old witches" the day I read my fairy tale to her. That was one of the times when laughter in therapy was absolutely healing - I had "rewritten my story" as a fairy tale with me being the heroine and it had so much of me in it - but parts of it were really funny if you 'got it' which of course she did - and I laughed til I had tears running down my face. That was a wonderful session.

[stopdog]

I don't believe in doing it with the ones I see - mostly because it makes them think we are bonding. And the woman has mocked me and then blamed it on me and said it was because she thought we were sharing the same sort of sense of humor.

[1stepatatime]

Sometimes we laugh in session, it depends upon what we're talking about, our moods, etc. One time we were playing this game.. it was me hiding behind a throw pillow and then peeking to see if she was looking, we were being silly but it felt good! We both started laughing, she really got rolling and I was looking at her like "what's up?" but I still laughed with her. I guess I was not able to totally engage in what was going on, and at one point I almost felt like I was missing something, because she was laughing really hard, like a good laugh right from the belly! I asked her what was so funny and she said nothing, she was just enjoying our little game. It was pure joy for her.. it was fun for me but I guess it was a barrel of monkeys for her! Lol

[growlycat]

Kashi and I have already shared a few laughs. He can be passively aggressive in his humor and one time I felt it was aimed at me. I called him out on it like hey watch where you point your sarcasm. He said he'd never make fun of someone's pain. So far we've worked out the fine line of humor.

[Out There]

We do laugh - I'm rather fond of " Humour allows emotional chaos to be processed in tranquility " but laughing is sometimes quite close to hysteria and is a fine line , we've worked on that when my T didn't always realize ( until I told him ) and we have to tell them sometimes how we feel , and they do need to take us seriously about it. My T does that.

I've laughed when talking about painful things to T. It was a way of minimizing the pain I had buried. T would tell me my anecdote was "horrible" and that she didn't find it funny.

We do laugh lightly in sessions, usually over a witty comment she makes. I find it bonding and often it relieves anxiety for me.

I do also have the tendency to "nervous laugh" which i hate way more than crying.

[Myrto]

This is one area where I just cannot comprehend how people can laugh. No judgement or anything, just utterly baffling. I don't feel like laughing in therapy. At all. I'm usually sad, angry or depressed or all of those three, so jokes and laughter are the furthest thing from my mind.

[ruh roh]

We laugh sometimes, and I like that. It feels like a shared experience.

Take this for what it's worth (and I only do this because you're a therapist): It does seem that you present things to us that you don't like about your therapist quite often and then say you know that people here don't like her, so it's a bit of a set up to do that. Many of us feel this way when that's what's being presented most of the time. Maybe it would help to pull all of that back to yourself and see how much is about you and how much is about her without saying, "I know many of you don't like her?" Because if I initiate laughter with my therapist by telling something painful in a light way, and my therapist's laughter upsets me, that's about me and what I'm trying to get from her by doing it that way.

[Pennster]

We tend to laugh a lot in therapy- I come from a culture where humor is a normal coping mechanism, so if I'm talking about painful things, there are going to be some jokes at some point. My therapist and I tend to be on the same wavelength so it works.

I had a therapist who once sat stone faced when I said something funny. I found it quite shaming, actually, and his response shut down my attempts to communicate with him. No doubt he had a perfectly sensible reason to respond that way, but it was a style that didn't work for me.

[Argonautomobile]

Originally Posted by Myrto

This is one area where I just cannot comprehend how people can laugh. No judgement or anything, just utterly baffling. I don't feel like laughing in therapy. At all. I'm usually sad, angry or depressed or all of those three, so jokes and laughter are the furthest thing from my mind.

If it makes you feel any better, Laughter in my therapy is usually followed by my T asking if I think I have special powers or have made any poor choices lately.

[atisketatasket]

I've laughed with all my therapists. Never have any of us laughed at each other. But also, I've never tried to make them laugh. It just came organically.

I don't think I could see a therapist who didn't have a sense of humor and who didn't appreciate mine. And I do think laughter is excellent medicine.

Originally Posted by Pennster

We tend to laugh a lot in therapy- I come from a culture where humor is a normal coping mechanism, so if I'm talking about painful things, there are going to be some jokes at some point. My therapist and I tend to be on the same wavelength so it works.

I had a therapist who once sat stone faced when I said something funny. I found it quite shaming, actually, and his response shut down my attempts to communicate with him. No doubt he had a perfectly sensible reason to respond that way, but it was a style that didn't work for me.

Oh wow, that sounds very shaming. I would not like a t that sat there stone faced either. Did you leave that therapist after this?

Originally Posted by ruh roh

We laugh sometimes, and I like that. It feels like a shared experience.

Take this for what it's worth (and I only do this because you're a therapist): It does seem that you present things to us that you don't like about your therapist quite often and then say you know that people here don't like her, so it's a bit of a set up to do that. Many of us feel this way when that's what's being presented most of the time. Maybe it would help to pull all of that back to yourself and see how much is about you and how much is about her without saying, "I know many of you don't like her?" Because if I initiate laughter with my therapist by telling something painful in a light way, and my therapist's laughter upsets me, that's about me and what I'm trying to get from her by doing it that way.

We all present things that we choose to present on here for various different reasons. By being a t do you think I don't have the right to do that or somehow it's different for me ? I am just curious as to why you would think that. Instead of saying many of us feel that way, why not say YOU feel that way, perhaps many do or don't but I don't think any of us have any right to speak on behalf of anybody else on here.
I know it's about me and not about my t and I did say that I felt very upset by it in my post.
Why not say you feel set up by me saying I was trying to make my t laugh and when she did you feel like I set her up, is that what I am reading correctly from you? I can see now that there is a dual process happening here and the same pattern that happens with my tis happening with some people here.
Just because I am a t does not mean I don't have a right to talk about my therapy here or to express my hurts in therapy.

I think that quite a lot of the responses have touched on what I was feeling a nervousness in session. My t was in fact nervous or unsure of how to react. She said afterwards that she shouldn't have laughed because it was anything but funny but it was funny and I did get hurt. I have laughed inappropriately at times too and it has been really hard to stop. Laughter is infectious and it makes us feel good, maybe t was avoiding something very painful herself. Who knows. Thank you for all of your responses

Originally Posted by lolagrace

We always laughed a lot. Sometimes my laughter was paradoxical, and my therapists would point that out.

Have you ever started laughing and just couldn't make yourself stop? In fact, the more you try to get yourself to stop, the more impossible it gets? It sometimes isn't at all about what initially started the laughter, it's almost as if it becomes involuntary. When it happens to me I actually end up in tears. Wonder if that might be what happened to your therapist in that moment.

Yes, I was actually nicknamed giggles in school because once I started laughing I couldn't stop. One of my ts once said that laughter and tears are very connected and close. I am starting to see this is the case with nervous laughter. Thank you for that response Lola, it helped me process this a little more.

[ruh roh]

Originally Posted by monalisasmile

We all present things that we choose to present on here for various different reasons. By being a t do you think I don't have the right to do that or somehow it's different for me ? I am just curious as to why you would think that. Instead of saying many of us feel that way, why not say YOU feel that way, perhaps many do or don't but I don't think any of us have any right to speak on behalf of anybody else on here.
I know it's about me and not about my t and I did say that I felt very upset by it in my post.
Why not say you feel set up by me saying I was trying to make my t laugh and when she did you feel like I set her up, is that what I am reading correctly from you? I can see now that there is a dual process happening here and the same pattern that happens with my tis happening with some people here.
Just because I am a t does not mean I don't have a right to talk about my therapy here or to express my hurts in therapy.

My reference to your being a therapist was just that I was being more forward than I typically would, thinking you might be able to take it in the spirit I was offering my input. I apologize for the assumption.

I said "many here" because they were your words in the opening post, so that is what I was responding to.

I said absolutely nothing about your not being able to talk about your therapy here because you are a therapist. I only said what I said because I thought you would hear it in a way that's not blaming. I will refrain from posting again on your threads. Again, I am sorry.

Originally Posted by unaluna

By my definition, a defense is unconscious. So if you were purposely trying to make her laugh, you were not using laughter as a defense. I would ask, what was your unconscious intention? It strikes me more that you were being false with her, intentionally acting a role. Then you became angry that she didnt see through this role-playing to the real you, ie "blaming her for laughing too much." But you set her up in a no-win situation. But so did your mom.

I think thats why my ts usually refuse to laugh in my sessions, unless THEY make a true joke or witticism.

But it also explains why it was only ever safe to try to make my own mother laugh, but i think it hid my same anger at my no win situation.

Complicated! But a breakthru for me, i think!

Glad you had a breakthrough Unaluna,
I am closer to my own. I am used to playing roles to entertain people. I don't think it's about being false or setting t up, that sounds very blaming to me. I know that's not your intention and it's my perception. While I was reading your post I was thinking about my own mother who would pay me to o impressions and put on accents for her amusement, she would then reducible me afterwards, so there was a bit of that happening with my t. T wasn't ridiculing me but of course I projected me shame onto her by getting angry to defend myself. Mmmm, I really understand it a bit more, it's very deep sense of shame