There have been many times in which I have closed the door to my office to cry. Usually it is in repsonse to depression. Lately, it is mixed with missing T.

I have only cried at my internship once but it was after running a group therapy session and I was with another therapist processing what had gone on in the group... and my empathy for a particular person in the group turned into tears. I was saying, "She is just so depressed and in so much pain....." and all of a sudden the tears just started coming. It was obvious that I was going to cry... I managed to get a hold of myself and blink back the tears before they started to roll down.

I hate crying in front of people. Some people feel comfortable with that. My sister-- she will cry in front of anyone who will listen. I only feel comfortable crying in front of my husband. In two years with my T I have technically cried twice. On one occasion, this involved one single tear rolling down my cheek. There was no sound, no movement, nothing. Just a tear. The second time I cried a bit more openly, but still no tissues had to be involved. I refuse to get to the point in which a tissue would be invovled.

Oh yeah and once I was in such a deep depression during a school semester that my eyes kept filling up with tears during the lecture and I had to use all my energy to concentrate on not crying rather than on what the professor was saying.

I also have a terrible habit of crying while driving. It often happens after therapy since I resist the tears when I'm with him. Happens on the way to work a lot, too.

[MyBestKids2]

I haven't cried since March 28, 2000 when I received a phone call at work from my Mother that my father had been killed in a car accident.

I really really need to

[amuseable]

I cry quite often. Almost anywhere though I try not to in public. Probably the oddest place I have cried is while swimming laps at the public pool. It is actually surprisingly private since one's face is already wet anyway.

[Gracey]

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only feel comfortable crying in front of my husband.

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Pink. . .do you realize what kind of depth you have with your hubby? That is beautiful. . .and beyond appropriate. I have heard women say, "I can't cry with anyone but T" and they supposedly have such good marriages. It seems like there's a balance, and you're holding on to it. That's a good thing.

It's ok to miss him. . .people (even T's) need to know they are missed when they're away. Just, let's stay away from obsession, ok?

Not that ANYONE is obsessed with their T. . .giggle!

[dreamrunner]

Two years ago I locked myself in a batroom stall at work and bawled. When I came out it was soooo obvious that a coworker asked what was wrong and was there anything she could do.I told her I would be fine and it was personal.
Id cried a few times at work that year and for over a year and a half now I cant seem to "Really" cry.Weird.

[WinterRose]

Yes - I've cried at my desk. A few years ago, I got sent home because they found me there and I couldn't stop crying. They actually drove me home. They weren't being malicous - just trying to help. It can still happen occassionally, but not so I don't stop and not so I get caught.

I almost always cry at T appointments.

Most recent worst crying in public though was just a month ago when I was in my pdoc's waiting room and couldn't help myself - I wasn't bawling, but it was obvious something was wrong. Unfortunately, other people were in the room with me. One woman asked if I was OK and then asked if there was anything she could do to help.

[Christina86]

Oh me!

I've started crying in a room by myself (like the place I volunteer, eep), and then a person I know comes in - and then it gets severely akward. Mostly because I have no intention of telling them what's wrong, but don't stop crying in time.

I've started crying in public too, now that was supremely embarassing - I had to get out of there, pronto.

I thankfully do a lot of crying alone in my room though, so nobody sees/hears me.

Crying and being caught though sure does get akward and annoying fast though.

[MissCharlotte]

Crying has become something strange for me now. It happens unsuspectingly.

I shut down when my youngest son was sick and I didn't cry for years. I think this started because I had to be brave for him during all his hospital visits.
I had such a hard time and couldn't cry at all for a long long time.

Last year I cried when my oldest son was hospitalized but not in front of him or T, just in front of my husband in the middle of the night.

It took me a year before I cried in front of T which I did on the 2 sessions just prior to the last one. No big sobs, but big tears rolling down my face.

However, this week I cried my eyes out on the phone with my SIL. The tears seem to come leaking out now or I feel them at the edge of my eyes when I blink.



6 days till my next appointment
2 days till I can call

[PlanningtoLive]

I had a major meltdown at work just the other day and sat at my desk and cried. I could barely stop. Thankfully no one saw me till after I had wiped the tears from my face. I was just so out of control....it was bad.

{{{{{hugs to all}}}}}}}}}}

[confused4ever]

I always cry in session with my T sometimes the body shaking can't stop crying and sometimes just a tear or two rolling down my face. I cry alot, can't ever hold my emotions in. I don't think I have ever cried in public, have at work once. Lately alot of crying, sessions and at home, my husband and kids are always there for me, I hate it when I start in front of my kids, but they do know what is going on and always are there to hug me!

During the year that I was on Trileptal I couldn't cry. However, I am generally not very med compliant, so I would occasionally go on and off of it... and when I was off I would be able to cry again. I understand meds are supposed to be a tool, but when they are supressing emotions they can also be hindering some important stuff. I have two different types of depression. One is the sad depression in which I will cry all the time. The other is the disconnected depression in which I am just that... completely disconnected. I don't typically cry during this type of depression. I'm in the disconnected depression mode right now, only it's mixed with Ts absence so then I end up occasionally crying. One time I said to T, "Don't expect me to start bawling." And he said, "Well I might." I asked, "Why would you start crying?" He told me, "Because I can feel what you are feeling." Geez, I really miss that guy.

[jacq10]

I've never cried in front of any T ... even the one most dearest to my heart. I often cry after i talk to someone that means a lot to my though. Nearly every time i get off the phone with my cousin i cry.

the only person i let myself cry around is my best friend though ... she's the only one i feel moderately comfortable and slightly less stupid gasping for air trying to explain whatever it is i'm talking about. sigh.

[lauren_helene]

Since I started therapy, I cry a lot now in public, in my car, in my office, at home etc.

I also can cry in front of my husband but not always. I never feel comfortable doing it but I am doing it.

I have cried on the way to T's office and on the way home. This isn't constant per se but lately it has been.

[sunrise]

When I was falling apart and at the depths of my depression almost 2 years ago, I cried a dozen times a day at work. I would sit at my desk and cry quietly. It was impossible to hold it together. I would try to cope by walking down the hall to the bathroom, or climbing a couple of flights of stairs to another floor, or going outside and walking all the way around the building. At least I would be away from my co-workers, if I got up and left the big office where my desk was (15 people shared the office). I also cried every time I got in the car, even if my girls were in the back seat. I would just cry silently and hope they wouldn't notice. If they did notice, I would tell them I was under a lot of stress and it was OK. Some mornings I could not make it through the drive to work because I would be sobbing, and the closer I got to work, the worse it got. I would try to stop, but couldn't. I had this one city park I would pull my car into that was near work, and try to stop crying there before showing up at the office. Sometimes I was unsuccessful and would be late to work. I became a terrible employee. Some days I could not get it together enough to show up at work and would call in sick. I hated those failures. At that time I was seeing my first counselor and was in crisis mode. I would go to her office and pretty much cry the entire time, very quietly, sitting there with her. Sometimes we didn't even say much. And this was the counselor I wasn't really connected with, but she did help me. It was nice to be with someone you didn't have to pretend with, that you could just cry with and not have to hide it. I did a tremendous lot of grieving for my marriage during those days. When you realize at last it is over, there's a lot of sadness.

i don't cry at work. if i feel like i need to cry then i come home and have a cry there. i cry a lot at home. in the late evening / early morning mostly. sometimes i read stuff on trauma and when i find something that resonates i have a bit of a cry.

i refuse to use tissues in therapy too. i cry, but it is silent crying. tears roll down my face but i just mop them up with my sleeve. no tissues. no snot. i have blown my nose a lot when i'm sick, though, but i refuse to cry properly. it is just that sometimes my eyes get a little leaky...

[WinterRose]

I now bring a cloth hanky with my all the time - just in case. Gets used a lot with T. At least I got to buy a few pretty hankies.

[RebbieDoll]

i cant cry. i just cant. i did kind of recently, because there were very bad things going on, but even when i most wanted to cry, in public, in the car [same thing to me, there were other people in the car, which i say is public], i didnt. if i can ever cry at all, it's late at night, or sometimes if something horrendous has happened. however, right now, even though something horrible has happened, i cant cry.