I seem unable to connect with this therapist

I just don't connect with him. Can this be solved?

I cannot get another psychotherapist, I am not paying him, it is through the public health system.

Can you talk to him about it. Maybe that would help. It is possible to develop a connection with time. Since it's free, I would keep trying.

Hi Oliver,

I'm sorry you're facing this. I remember being monumentally disappointed when I started going to therapy at the lack of connection. I'd read on here about how connected people felt to their T's, I'd read articles about how 'Finding a good T is like finding a soul mate,' and I'd wonder what was wrong with me that I just didn't feel anything intensely about my T.

I mean, I liked him well enough. He seemed like a nice guy, I guessed. Mostly he was a stranger and our sessions seemed awkward.

But I kept going, because it didn't seem like I had any other option. I started feeling more connected when I took a leap of faith and shared more personal things. Mostly, though, I decided we could work together and have a good-enough working relationship even without intense connection.

Can you still work with your T? What does not having a connection look like for you? Do you actively dislike him? Can he still help you with your goals?

I have been seeing him since a year... and talked to him about this a lot of time.
He is not helpful other than giving me meds (he is also a psychiatrist...)... but he wants to talk, and I don't feel any kind of emotional connection to be able to do that. I just don't have anything to tell him, I don't dislike him, It is just I am not comfortable... He doesn't help at all with goals....

Hi Oliver,

I'm sorry you're in this situation. That does sound tough. What did he say when you told him there just wasn't a connection?

Can you connect with other people? If so, then I'd say that after a year with this therapist, that this is a far as it gets. I don't really connect to people at all, so I have had a hard time knowing when it's my issue or just not a good match with a therapist, until I landed with the one I see now. I guess I'm saying that it's hard to know what's going in in your case, but I think a year is a long enough time to know if there's anything there to build on.

I would think about what some of your aims are for therapy and maybe chat with T about it. It's your time and you're paying money for it.