My therapist practices positive psychology.
He doesn't tell me how he treats me, he just creates mostly casual conversations with me.
Yet he tells me at times what to do and what not to do. "Yes, exercising is good", "No, talking that way shows hostility", etc.
I read somewhere that it's not right for a therapist to tell what to and what not to do, yet my memory is uncertain.

I just feel so increasingly horrible I'm starting to question my therapist.

[lucozader]

Well, I suppose it depends somewhat on their theoretical orientation but... generally, no, it's not a therapist's job to tell you what to do, and it's not likely to be therapeutically beneficial for you. "Casual conversation" doesn't sound right to me either to be honest.

I would like to suggest, though, that you bring these questions up with him - it's okay to question him about his methods, he's meant to be there for you after all!

[luvnola]

It's one thing to say, 'yes, exercising is good', and quite another to tell you to start exercising. Mine has told me that coke isn't good for me and I should be drinking water; doesn't mean I will stop drinking coke and drink more water, and when I show up for an appointment with a coke in my hand, she doesn't get mad or tell me to drink water or anything. I know coke isn't good for me and I know I should drink more water, but I'm also an adult and will do what I want regardless of her opinion on the matter, and she gets that.

On deeper subjects, she will not offer an opinion at all.

If you're curious about anything, ask. You are the consumer and have the right to know. Remember, you hired this t and he works for you.

Yeah, I managed to ask him a few questions about his treatment and my doubts about the treatment, too.
I'm going through some serious state of mind swings, I need to sort this out.
He's been paying less attention to my moods, and more attention to the interpesonal difficulties. I told him about that 2 meetings ago, I'll re-mention it.

Mine doesn't tell me what to do. She guides me and helps me to look at things differently

[retro_chic]

My T doesn't tell me what to do but my Pdoc does and I don't like it. She keeps going on about exercise and mindfulness. I don't disagree that both of those things can be helpful but she literally won't shut up about it and I feel like I'm being lectured. I'm glad my T is basically the opposite of this!

Neither my T nor pdoc tell me what to do. If they did, I'd fire them right away.

This is just my opinion, but if a mental health "professional" tells someone what they need to do, then they're not being helpful in any respect. They're not your mother. They're not anyone's mother. They're supposed to help you cope with stressors, lend you a listening ear, teach you techniques, etc.. What's the point in hiring someone to be your mother?

[SoConfused623]

The other day, I blurted out through tears, "T, I just want you to tell me what to do!!!" I wish that T would tell me what to do sometimes, but she NEVER does. I asked her to keep me accountable to some work projects and she won't do that either. She said that I'm welcome to tell her what my goals are and then give her updates but she refuses to initiate conversation on anything, claiming that I need to drive the conversation not her. So, I'm frustrated but on the other side of what you're experiencing. Good luck!

[seoultous]

Originally Posted by bluebicycle

Neither my T nor pdoc tell me what to do. If they did, I'd fire them right away.

This is just my opinion, but if a mental health "professional" tells someone what they need to do, then they're not being helpful in any respect. They're not your mother. They're not anyone's mother. They're supposed to help you cope with stressors, lend you a listening ear, teach you techniques, etc.. What's the point in hiring someone to be your mother?

I agree with most of what you are saying here and I don't want to be confrontational but if my pdoc says I need to take my meds to combat my depression I don't think I would fire him.

[gayleggg]

I think it's okay for one to make suggestions about what I should do especially if I'm headed down a bad path. If he became demanding about it I wouldn't like it.

[Fuzzybear]

If they become demanding about this (like a "bad parent/object") this would not be acceptable to me.

Are you able to be open to the therapist with your thoughts on the matter? I remember a situation a long time ago with my former therapist where I thought she was telling me what to do. I brought it up to her that I didn't like being told what to do, we talked about it and it turned out I was only perceiving it that way. Im a 37 year old woman. I would never deal with someone telling me what to do. Not my husband, parents, siblings, therapist or anybody else.

[BudFox]

Originally Posted by Vibrating Obsidian

My therapist practices positive psychology.
He doesn't tell me how he treats me, he just creates mostly casual conversations with me.
Yet he tells me at times what to do and what not to do. "Yes, exercising is good", "No, talking that way shows hostility", etc.
I read somewhere that it's not right for a therapist to tell what to and what not to do, yet my memory is uncertain.

Must be nice to get paid just for having casual conversations, while not disclosing the method or purpose behind this, just calling it "positive psychology". Probably means there is no method.

As for the advice, I would find it offensive. Also what is the basis for it? Is he an expert on exercise or on how to talk to people?

[Argonautomobile]

I don't think there's anything inherently wrong with a T making suggestions or dispensing advice. My T does this all the time and I've found it enormously helpful.

But it doesn't sound like this approach (dispensing advice + casual conversation) is working very well for you? Can you talk with your T about it, or find someone different?

The specific examples you used seem pretty normal for a therapist to say. Whay does this bother you?

[Salmon77]

Maybe it's the "yes" or "no" that makes it sound like an order or something? "Talking that way shows hostility" is not advice, IMO, just an observation. But when it's preceded by "No" it sounds different. I'd say talk to him about it, good topic to discuss and connects to how you deal with others.

That said, definitely Ts should not tell you what to do, it's up to you how to live your life. They don't control you and shouldn't try.

[kecanoe]

Originally Posted by Vibrating Obsidian

My therapist practices positive psychology.
He doesn't tell me how he treats me, he just creates mostly casual conversations with me.
Yet he tells me at times what to do and what not to do. "Yes, exercising is good", "No, talking that way shows hostility", etc.
I read somewhere that it's not right for a therapist to tell what to and what not to do, yet my memory is uncertain.

I just feel so increasingly horrible I'm starting to question my therapist.

If you are feeling increasingly horrible, why not check out another t? I think ts vary in how directive they are. T1 will sometimes ask if I want him to be directive. I think, though, that most anyone would say that exercising is good. And my ts would likely have told me that my approach shows hostility if that is what they think. But I guess that depends on what you want from therapy. Are you clear in your own mind about what you want from a t?

But back to questioning-I think that is probably a good idea if things are getting worse.

Originally Posted by Vibrating Obsidian

My therapist practices positive psychology.
He doesn't tell me how he treats me, he just creates mostly casual conversations with me.
Yet he tells me at times what to do and what not to do. "Yes, exercising is good", "No, talking that way shows hostility", etc.
I read somewhere that it's not right for a therapist to tell what to and what not to do, yet my memory is uncertain.

I just feel so increasingly horrible I'm starting to question my therapist.

Need more context. But I read what your wrote as someone pointing out maybe something that isn't being seen.