What does your T do that comforts you?

The depression's dragging me down something fierce. Spending most of the day in bed. Not eating much. I'm not sure if I can manage med school right now, which is so stupid and absurd because I am literally 102 days away from graduating but what can you do?

So, my fellow PCers, I ask you: what does your T do that gives you some relief from your suffering? Makes you feel loved or soothed or held? Gives you some hope? Lightens your burden?

My T's a good egg; I think she'd be open to suggestions.

My t shares his experiences and what worked for him and others. He stops me in my tracks if I am too self critical. He has shown that he cares through words and actions. I am doing hypnotherapy with him which means I can listen to his softened voice in a dimly lit room lying on his couch. When I was having my worst days I've gotten hugs and once he made me a cup of tea. He is sort of emotive so his empathy just kind of spills out. Others may think that is s little too "Ick" but I eat it up.

T1 reminds me that he is here, within earshot. When I ask for help, he's pretty good about offering it. Some of the things that help me are hearing that I am not alone in this, that we will figure it out. I like it when he asks if I need an extra session, or if I want to do a phone or text check in. He doesn't seem to do what others call holding, at least he doesn't do what I think I understand people to say. Oh, and consistency. He is super consistent.

T3 describes to me what is going on with me. She has experience and knowledge and has a great support system of ts who do trauma work, EMDR, SE, and brain spotting. Her confidence that I will someday not hurt all the time is stabilizing for me. And her belief that I don't have to feel the way I do is also very helpful. DBT style stuff taught me that I would just have to learn to tolerate the intense reactions I sometimes have. T3 does not believe that.

T1 bought me a teddy bear. That is pretty awesome.

I don't find the therapist comforting.
Would it help to think of things that might be comforting in general?

Good point, stopdog. I'm seeing T tomorrow so that's why I thought of this particular question. But I think it's wise to broaden my query.

Sometimes my friends help. When I can't get out of bed, they get in bed with me. When I don't want to eat, they bring me ice cream. When I haven't left the house in forever, they drag me outside for a walk. Those things make me feel like people care, and are also intrinsically comforting (the cuddling because oxytocin, the ice cream because nourishment, and the walk because fresh air/being outside).

There are other things that I used to find comforting (cup of hot tea/coffee, taking a bath, making cookies, reading/watching an old favorite book/movie, etc), but now I am so anhedonic that those things don't seem to help anymore. What do y'all do to self-soothe?

YouTube guided meditation and self hypnosis. A nap. A hot shower. Playing with the cat. Calling friends across the country. Taking care of crappy adult stuff to get it out of the way. Movies and books. Those help me too

I had a long term T who specialized in CBT. Early on I mentioned that people talked of being able to tolerate emotional pain, but that it seemed likely to me that few suffered it at the intensity I did - and if they did, they would not be so quick to think it could be tolerated. His responded really gently by saying "well let's work on lessening that pain." I think it may have been then that I started loving him immediately and forever!

Regarding self-comfort, have you tried any scents? I find lavender essential oil really calming and also vanilla scents. Patchouli and vetiver make me feel grounded too

He helped me to believe in my ability to emotionally take care of myself.

I know this will probably sound stupid, but my T just being there when I'm struggling is enough to give me comfort. When I have a listening ear and know I won't be judged, I not only have comfort, but I also have hope that everything will be okay. That said, there isn't anything in particular that my T will do to give me comfort. She might be able to say "you're not the only one", and that kind of helps.

Sorry for being so lame.

I don't have any advice, but I hope you can find the comfort you seek.

Not anything specific for comfort but generally a consistent, responsible, predictable style, which is free of extremes and extensive drama, tends to be comforting and soothing for me. It worked from T and also works from other people.

She validates me and lets me know what is happening to me when things get difficult; like if I freeze, can't talk, can't breathe. She also talks soft and gently and gives lots of reassurance like says things like "you are safe here" and "I am not going to hurt you" and "you are going to be ok".

She also sits by me, rubs my back, holds my hand, hugs me and holds me. It has been what comforts me most. I realize not all therapists are comfortable with that though.

You mentioned sometimes your friends drag you outside for a walk. (assuming you find it helpful) Maybe you could have a change of pace and go for a walk with T or have a session outside? Of course this is dependent on your T, the weather, the location, and your comfort. Sometimes in therapy you can find yourself in a rut, a rut that is difficult to get out of with the same routine that has kept you there (not sure if that made sense). Also if individuals are having a difficult time more intense work sometimes goes on hold and getting through the present becomes the focus. Maybe instead of digging deeper it would be helpful to go shallower? You could take a walk outside, mention the things you like about nature or your favorite hobby or something, a lighter session of sorts?

He sings me his soft, sweet songs.

Just be herself.

I find my T comforting in a strange kind of way.. I've been through a lot of treatment options, nothing of which seems to help, and it bugs her that we can't hit the nail on the head.. to me, the idea that the resistance to treatment bugs her, makes me feel like she is not going to give up on me too quickly.. It bothers me a bit that it bugs her, but it is also a comfort..

He listen to me and he hears me.
He smiles with his eyes.
He exists.

He says kind things.
He has a gentle reassuring tone that he used when I am upset. It's really soothing. I can remember it and it helps me to self soothe.

My T and I are both very sassy and we spend most of our sessions bantering back and forth. I'm not good at expressing my feelings -- I prefer to argue and my T is good at reading between the lines. I like that, and it helps me, but sometimes when she can tell I'm really struggling she will take a minute at the end of session to tell me that, in all seriousness, she can see that I am hurting and she wants me to feel better. She always makes a point to say that if there's anything I want her to do or stop doing, just tell her. I appreciate that because it makes me feel seen and heard even when I'm not doing or saying anything. It makes me feel important.

gives me hugs and lots of reassurance

she doesn't do anything in this regard

His calmness is very comforting. He's calm when I'm in a panic and he calmly notices things that are triggering me, from sounds to interpersonal stuff. I am trying to learn to respond the same way.

My therapist had a very comforting office. It was in a big old house. It even had a fireplace. She added to the atmosphere with some very good art I appreciated. Around the room were several chairs I had my choice of sitting in and at everyone of them were objects to soothe and distract yourself with - like pebbles, shells, swatches of fabric, wire games, etc. These things very much made me feel at ease.

He keeps the seahorse on the top shelf in his office. If that thing ever moves I'll take it personally. (Seahorse= Temporary father figure, his office is the "pouch")

She listens!