[okiedokie]

...if I wanted to send a letter to a pdoc who really helped me 5 years ago?

He got me on the right med and I've been fine ever since. I really owe him my life.

He moved out of state and I know where he is because we were colleagues and I had access to his address, etc. I do send Christmas cards every year and he appreciates those.

Would he think it was weird? Would I be crossing a boundary that I shouldn't?

Am I just thinking about him because right now I'm having a bit of a rough patch and wish I could tell him? I know he couldn't and wouldn't respond, but I would like a connection with him right now.

Does this make any sense??

Thanks,
Okie

I don't think it would be weird at all. I don't think it would be crossing any boundaries to tell someone who truly impacted your life that they've really made a difference. I think he would appreciate to know a former client is doing well and thought of him!

[sunrise]

[MyBestKids2]

Not weird at all. The greatest benefit of writing the letter might be to you, IMO. I say go for it!!!!


Dee

[pachyderm]

YES. It would be weird. Whatever it is...

[Perna]

I don't know if there's any way to know if it would be "weird" or not since you wouldn't get a response. I would do what was helpful to me. It is just a letter, he can choose to open it/read it or not so no boundaries are being crossed. I've e-mailed former professors to tell them how much their class helped me a year or more after I took it, I think a letter to a former therapist/pdoc is similar. I wrote my therapist occasionally for a year or two after I terminated with her back in the 1980's and then was able to see her again in the mid-90's. I think such a question can only be answered by you and what will help you/make you feel better as the other person doesn't really "exist" since there's no feedback. If it were "bothersome" in some way; if you mailed a letter every day or something, that would be different.

nope... wouldn't be weird at all... nor in my opinion crossing a boundary... I say go for it..
I am on verge of writing my own.. letter.. to let a former T know the impact (positive) that she had on my life... sometimes that is just the "ticket"..."fits the bill"..

fw

[WinterRose]

I don't think there's anything inappropriate about it at all.

[ECHOES]

I don't think it is weird to let someone know that you appreciate the impact they have had on your life. I think that is wonderful.

Having said that, I think the real and pressing issue is that you are feeling a need to talk to someone about what's going on in your life right now.

So I would say do both. Send a letter and find someone to talk to about what you're experiencing now.

I think your wanting to reconnect with him by letter is a way of saying to yourself that you'd like to have him or someone like him available to you now like he was then, that you are feeling a familiar pain and so you are thinking of a familiar way to get help with that pain.

Does that sound right to you?

[sunrise]

ECHOES, what you wrote makes a lot of sense to me. okie, I hope you will try to connect with someone in your current life if you need someone.

I think writing the letter will be therapeutic, even if you decided not to send it. Early in therapy with my current T, there was a third person in the room with us at times (figuratively), and he cast a shadow. It was a psychiatrist I had seen when I was 18 in my first year of college and had pretty much forgotten until starting to see my T. This psychiatrist and I had a major frame shift go on in our relationship and I felt profoundly abandoned by him. In turn, one day I left his office after a session and never went back. I had carried that hurt of abandonment for all those years and not known it and was not able to trust my new T because of that experience; unconsciously, I felt he would do the same thing to me. I worked through this with my T and ended up writing this psychiatrist a letter (but not sending it--I didn't know where he was) and also a story about us. It was kind of a way to memorialize the relationship and bid good-bye, which I had not done until then. Once that was past, T and I were alone in the room again and could move forward.