Couch 134 - The Untriquadium Couch

Hah! I'm glad you understand... I was thinking "oh no, they'll think I was deliberately editing the couch intro!" - certainly not my place to be doing that, particularly as a newcomer... and I do respect the importance of the "don't drink and text T" warning

It got lost 'cos I'm on Tapatalk at the moment and copying and pasting is awkward on a mobile.

Anyway. I really should go to sleep. G'night couch.

I'll be ok. Thanks. I got out my singing bowl and played it a little and between that and the wine I am calming down. And son just texted me and told me he's with friends this evening but is going to work tomorrow, since it's spring break from school, he doesn't usually work on friday. so that calmed me down a bunch too as h will be glad he is working tomorrow. I am going to make it through all of this. Breathing, drumming, my singing bowl, y'all. It's gonna work itself out one way or another, "this too shall pass", and I will either stay or I will go and I will be fine.

I still haven't learned how to create a new post on tapatalk, let alone copy and paste on there!

Does cold medicine count? Cause I demanded an apology from DBC while hopped up on it, and got one.

Went and sat in hot tub to drink the 2nd glass of wine. (Because inside every good girl, there is a bad girl waiting to emerge.) But in a plastic cup, because I am a good girl.

Had epiphany.

Demanding break from t had a hell of a lot to do with the state of my marriage right now, more than the state of my therapy, didn't it. Perhaps I thought if I had a break from her I wouldn't be as aware of the problems in my marriage. But instead it magnified them. Or maybe it was practice for telling h I need a break from our marriage. I don't know. Did you know that you get drunk faster drinking in a hot tub? I know that now. I am making a lot of typos right now but carefully correcting them as they occur. (Because I am a good girl.)

The next best-seller? "Hot Tub Epiphanies" ?!

ETA: OOPS! I missed one type!!

I dunno, art. It sounded like it had a lot to do with the state of your therapy.

You know, you can be dissatisfied with both simultaneously. And you would have plenty of reason to be.

Perhaps.
nevermind i don't wanna put you on the spot

maybe i'm just scared because if i am dissatisfied with both my marriage and my therapy and i leave both and strike out on my own then i will be truly on my own for the first time in a very long time and that is terrifying

i'ma go to bed but leave you with this couchies.

I get that - it's also pretty much where I'm at now. But it's also liberating.

Art, I have every confidence you would be okay on your own. More than okay, you have the strength to flourish.

But since it's not even certain you will be on your own, just focus on getting each relationship to work for you, instead of you for them.

Did i miss the reference/thanks to john and yoko? :crankyoldguy:

Okay aside from that it was very nice, i forgot to say that.

I wish I could give you the hugest hug right now. Thank you so much. That totally made me good-cry.

i really must go to bed now. my alarm is going to ring way too soon. at least tomorrow is a jeans day.

I think you are right.

Art, I felt so certain I would fall to pieces away from my family when I flew abroad alone to meet my partner. But I was so much LESS stressed actually in an environment free of my father's constant criticism once the jumpiness eased.

I returned home and my stress levels shot my shoulders back up to my ears. And I'm super stressed again because there's no way of anticipating his moods or whims except for knowing he eventually WILL get cranky and take it out on me or someone else. True enough yesterday he called one of my brothers a bunch of names for "not helping out around the house", then called me sickening when I tried to calm the yelling.

Maybe a break from H would do you good, as terrifying as that might sound. Because what he is doing is marinating you in stress, really. You're walking on eggshells, jumpy trying to avoid the next yelling episode directed at you and your son. Feels awfully familiar to my home environment.

And yet I stay, stewing myself in stress, I know. So absolutely no judgment from me, only cookies and sympathy for your predicament.

What DOES your T think of your H? Mine says my parents, especially my father, are unhealthy for me and they erode whatever self worth I try to build up in therapy. My father literally upped his belittlement of me once I came back from my trip. Blasted me for assertiveness against him then blasted me for "being unassertive at work". You see, he's a tyrant and the rules shift according to his internal feelings.

It's not anything you've done or not done. Your H's logic is frankly NOT logical.

I hope you don't mind me voicing my views, Art. I get this trapped, sinking feeling when I read about how your H treats you and your son. And it's a REALLY familiar feeling because it's the same feeling I get when my dad suddenly finds some little minor thing to yell, snark and nag about.

How did the room painting turn out? Sorry if I missed anything

I got my room repainted to a much closer colour I owe my dad $90 for the repaint + $30 "surcharge" because he wants to punish me for giving me "a second chance" though he was the one who ignored my colour choice for the first repaint.

I don't like your dad... that's just mean.
But I am glad you got your room painted in a color you like better! Do we get pictures?

Hehe, no pictures, I'll be identifiable xD

Oh right, sorry

Also my camera can't capture wall's shade of blue

I wish none of us were in situations like we are. They so suck and we so deserve better. My t doesn't much care for my h, what she knows of him. She's never met him, and never will, since she told me a long time ago she doesn't want to contaminate our "space" with him or anyone else. She doesn't do couples therapy, obviously. She's not a big believer in marriage, and when I've talked in the past of leaving h she said she would support me in whatever decision I make, and we've talked about the nitty gritty of finances if I were to leave, etc.

It's just.... I do still love him, even though I don't have any respect for him anymore. And he does have a good side, wherever it has gone lately, and I am..... oh crud I am going to be late for work. I'll have to try to pick up on this later.

hugs to all who want 'em and have a good day couchies see you at break time

May I have therapy on our couch today? I don't want to see my T. If I don't want to see my T...that's a concern. I don't know if I should tell her. I don't know if I'm brave enough.

Welcome! ((makes room and passes glamslam a cushion))

Is it because you feel your T isn't helpful? Or maybe you discussed some hard topics with T and feel vulnerable?