Couch 134 - The Untriquadium Couch

I hope the next job is one that you don't hate.

Got all.my bookkeeping stuff done.

30 minutes til I can go homeeeee

Too bad I live 30 minutes from where I work

I love where the one guy helps the other guy lift his leg!

At one of my work places, a woman had her teenage daughter work there, and i thought it was for scared straight! We were singing, "mothers dont let yer daughters grow up to be programmers!"

My house smells sooo good right now. Son is having friends over tomorrow for a bbq and he asked if I'd bake a cheesecake for them. It's in the oven now - my favorite made from scratch chocolate cheesecake!

What time is the BBQ? I think I am free...

i just saw this. yeah, i work in a grocery store. i supervise the front end at nights, so my coworkers are mainly teenagers. im almost 30 so...not really gonna befriend some kids

there are 3 other women around my age or older who are also bookkeepers at my job. they all hang out together and do fun stuff. ive never been invited though. ive wondered why. people at my store know i am "off" . many have told me.

i get along fine with these 3 women at work but i gues they dont like me enough to invite me to hang out when they all do...

edit: one of them always brings me food for my meal breaks. we all joke around and laugh and stuff. maybe i should just ask them if i can come along? that feels like im really putting myself out there./.. but i need to do something DIFFERENT. my life currently is not working out for me.

I'm going to talk about my marriage again for a bit. I hope you're all not sick of me doing that. But I've been wondering. This whole thing with h saying he wouldn't say I love you because isn't not cheating on me enough, that thing. Y'know, since he said that, I have not told him I love him one single time. Even though it is just a 'me' kinda thing to say "Love you, have a good day" as I leave in the morning or at night before we go to sleep, "G'night, love you". And I am just stubborn enough that I will not say it again unless he 'gives me permission' ha. I suppose it is probably this kind of thing that is the next step of a marriage breaking down. I don't know. Just rambling I guess. But I feel like I will never say those 3 words to him again and it makes me feel a little lonely. But then talking with son earlier about him being ready to start planning to go out on his own well with friends but still, leaving the parental nest, and what stirred inside me for only the briefest of moments but it was there, oh yes it was there, what my life might be like if I started living it for me instead of for h. and then i feel guilty because i promised til death do us part, and a trap door slams shut on the thoughts of freedom.

Ah couchies. I don't know what I'm going to do. And I guess it really is okay to not know at least for now. I have a lot of work to do still, don't I.

Art - I used to feel as you did. But think about all the other parts of your vows - to love and to cherish, in sickness and in health, etc.? Are they being upheld by both parties here? Future ex's violation of one of those clauses tipped me over into leaving.

Vows are, theoretically, a contract. You can uphold them or break them, but they're not meant to be a prison. Even the Church grants annulments.

Speaking of vows, if you said those words...weren't you married in a faith you no longer practice?

Interesting point, that last one. Yes, that is true. More food for thought. See this is why I think out loud here... I appreciate everyone's thoughts so much. I am a walking contradiction aren't I? I no longer practice that faith yet the vows I made in said faith are still sacred to me.

Here's my cheesecake, calorie free as a photo haha

Tomorrow is the 2nd to last day of the shamanic practitioner training I've been attending since October. I am feeling a great deal of resistance to going at this moment - to me this says that I am going to do some really deep work and I certainly have a lot to work with from this past week. I was sick last month and had to miss our meeting, so I can't allow myself to chicken out tomorrow. It's kinda funny I think.... I'm listening to the recording from last time that our trainer sent, and she's about to get to the first journey, and I'm already 100% sure I'm going to turn off the recording before she starts drumming. Not gonna get into it tonight. Want to sleep on it and be fresh in the morning. I didn't even realize it, but I have been ignoring that part of myself, how sad that is, when I need it so badly right now. I suddenly can't wait to get there tomorrow to spend the day immersed in my spirit world with like-minded people who accept me for me and don't judge me. It's kinda-sorta like a more kumbaya-ish real-life version of the couch!!

Cheesecake, yum!

Hihi, I'm not grumpy either. I just love cats, but I'm bored of all those "oh gosh they're so sweet" pictures

I'm sorry - I know I am an offender, though I did not realise it was offensive. Forgive me, demiune - I won't do it again (especially as it is also an unsafe practise, posting pictures to a very public forum).

Huh, you didn't offend me at all... I wasn't referring to your pictures, I loved them. I was more talking about cats as profile pictures, especially because I don't have any myself.

Sorry for making you think you offended me

Urgs, and I don't mean dnas or anyones profile picture either... I'm sorry

I can't stand this its all too much. sdkjoi oridhj oeirj

Hugs bcm... can we do anything to help? We're here if you want to talk

No no no no nothing can be done all sense of stability gone I have never snotty cried before I feel like I am dying

I think it's good if people are open with what they dislike in a public conversation - then it's up to other participants if they want to take those things into account, but it's always good to know.

I went out in the rain to get a haircut, and now I need to be cleaning but instead I'm cuddling with my youngest under the blankie by the space heater. I can't just stop! Cleaning can wait a bit. Happy Saturday couch!

Cuddling should always take precedence on a rainy day!

The deep stuff is starting already and I'm not even at my training yet. Realized in the shower this morning that this whole 'i love you' thing - how often i say it because I'm seeking reassurance and validation that i should be finding inside myself. And this week purposely not saying it to h i have been forced to find it from inside. AND, that I'm able to, cuz that's what t's been helping me learn all along!

Weekends should be called Neverends. But things are so hard at work right now that in a way I almost prefer being at home. NAVAJO EFFING RABBIT.

Lol - i thought the movie Howards End shoulda been called Howard Never Ends! My butt got sore sitting thru it! Well. Not lol that its hard. But i like the play on words.