Couch 134 - The Untriquadium Couch

Stressed Mess, cuddling under a blankie is a great excuse not to clean.

Ello couch.

Just got back from a day of art therapy training. We did some playing with clay - that was interesting. I am completely exhausted, and fairly miserable - can't get T out of my head and feel like I can't take much more of it. Trying to remind myself that when the ET disappeared I felt sad without it and desperately wanted it back... sigh.

In other news, I've started getting targeted ads for cushions on facebook!

(((Crocus)))

Yeah, i feel that part about missing the transference - when i not long ago let go of my fantasies about t, i sorta missed it too, felt a bit nostalgic about how i used to feel. At the moment i am missing her, but it's different, I'm missing what i get from her as my t, instead of pining away for something i can't have. It was at times an exquisite pain, but painful nonetheless.

i'm slightly worried that reading other threads/opinions about certain things on therapy and medication are affecting me. i am one of those people who read differing opinions and go WELL, THEY COULD BE RIGHT, even if it differs from mine--or but especially if i am on the fence on that subject.

ugh.

Agh, yes, that exactly! It's comforting to hear how your relationship with your T has changed, though... I guess there's hope yet for me.

Hey, Crocus - in an attempt to make you smile a bit, I will share that I recently learned that "gah" is also the Apache word for rabbit. Do you think we should have subtle but profound differences in meaning between Apache and Navajo rabbits? I mean, all the best languages have stuff like that.

Una - I felt the same way about "The Never End of the Affair."

This is bad because...?

Now everything I am prescribing to is wrong, and I am only making myself worse, but the thought of delving into the alternative is extremely overwhelming. I can't even fold my laundry right now.

Could you look at it as a way of strengthening and confirming your own opinions and so gaining greater self-knowledge and confidence?

Suppose una and I are arguing: she says rain is good, I say it is bad. You have always been a rain-is-good person, but as you listen to my (extremely cogent) arguments, you start to wonder, maybe she's right, rain is bad. But then, you think some more, and you tell yourself, no, that doesn't seem right to me, rain is good, I am a rain-is-good person. Hence you know part of yourself a little better.

It doesn't matter who is "right" - we may never know anyway. What matters is you know what you stand for, and are a bit more comfortable in your own skin.

If none of that makes sense, well, I just came from shaky yoga.

Yes, that's what PC does to me, almost every time I come here. I think it's the natire of the beast, really.

But then, what do I know.

Very, very cool. You do know my area of research is linguistic pragmatics, right?

At some point I think I picked up on that...

Checking in. Husband is 3 days post surgery. His back is VERY bruised because they moved the battery from the front requiring a new pocket to be built. He's hurting. We are using ice (bag of frozen corn actually) to try to keep him comfortable, but it may be a few days before that bruising goes down. The good thing is that the spinal cord stimulator works; the rest will come in time.

My son just received word he has been awarded an $8000 scholarship. Things are coming together for him. He started his job this week also. About 12 more weeks until graduation.

I hope he gets more comfortable soon.

I've got a few questions I'm toying with asking T on Wednesday.
1) Last session he asked me how it felt for me when i said i trust him not to hurt me. I want to ask how it feels for him.
2) a couple of times since we started working together i have said something and he's said "i had wondered about that, but wasn't sure whether or not to ask". I want to know if there's anything else he wants to ask me that he hasn't yet.

I needed somewhere to write those questions down. I am quite unsure about how he's going to react to the Spanish inquisition.

Velcro...I'm sorry if it was one of my posts. I believe that people should be informed on both sides. By no means do I think not being on meds is the answer for everyone and certainly not a decision to be made lightly or rashly. Please take care of yourself and do what is best for you.

If you leave your mind open, people use it as a rubbish tip. (Garbage dump)

At my shamanic training. We're on lunch break right now. We're working with clearing and balancing and how important being honest w ourselves is in this process and i was talking about how timely that is for me, as unbalanced as i am right now in my marriage and i said it right out loud "my marriage is falling apart and it hurts" and i cried some and let the others lend support and even at one point talked about t and demanding a break right when i need support but i was hiding that need from myself and someone shared that perhaps i need to work with a different t now, because i have grown and am a different person. So much change could be coming for me. In my first journey i was shown that i need to have faith in myself to do what is right for me. Time to go back, i feel emotionally drained but at the same time ready for more. I love these people and this work so much even when I'm sobbing and it's so hard. Will catch up on the couch after i get home.

Hi, I am new to the couch...
Echos, I like your questions for your T a lot. The third one made me remember when I asked the same thing to one of my Ts, I was feeling overwhelmed and unsure about whether or not I could trust my memory and dreams. Her answer was surprising to me: as a rule, she always assumes that there is far more to the story than her client can ever express or remember or categorize correctly, especially for childhood trauma. I found this oddly comforting and the result was that I stopped actively trying to stir up memories just for the sake of getting it all out and "coming clean," which was a habit of mine.

Now you have me thinking about questions for my T... when I go in it's always a big "this week I had this stupid problem" dump...

Shaky yoga sounds interesting. I think i would be shaky anyway because I've never done yoga before!

Wow i see how thats true for me but then what is trumps excuse??!

Sorry for the uncalled for political imposition!

I think it's deliberately made to look like garbage. If it really were crap and not a calculated attempt to deceive, he would've hardly succeeded the way he has.

Can i ask you guys somethig? Do you really feel like you got better with therapy? What changed for you? What did you have to do?

No, that does make sense. Thanks. I just am easily swayed/don't hold very strong convinctions anyway, and am feeling bad right now, so...yeah.
It wasn't
I honestly don't know. I do know I like my T a lot, and she is my only tiny beam of light in a dark world I live in. I am almost 2 years in. What I think I will need to do is actually make some drastic change to help myself, but I just am not there yet.