Couch 134 - The Untriquadium Couch

(((Artie))) then why not just tell your t youre upset with her?

No, I understand that, and I hope I don't come across as blaming anyone else for my own lack of comprehension. It's just that sometimes the explanations seem to start in an assumption that "this is good", and what I want to understand is why, and how it is good, and what "good" means, because I simply don't know how it can be a default thing that telling other people about our emotions is good. And yeah, such things are always hard to explain, and I'm grateful to everybody who tries to do so

I butt heads with my T over this, too, sometimes.

Well I wasn't until last night. But I will! I just want help breaking away from her cuz i still think i need to.

I'll try to stop posting about this i know i am annoying.

Dancing star, eh? Chaos......that about describes it......every weekend, my hubby and my relationship........EVERY weekend.......ag!!!

With all due respect, I'd question as to why you need to bother with anyone else's definition of 'good'?

If not expressing emotions to other people is the definition of 'good' that works for you then no one else has the right to question that.

I mean this with all sincerity -- I've had this conversation with both former T and current T. Weirdly, despite all my issues with former T, she was the one who staunchly insisted that I not bother with what anyone else thinks is a 'good' or 'bad' thing and just do what works for me. So, for e.g., she said that yes, I am avoidant in nature but if I'm okay with it, so what? Similarly, for being single or not crying or not being vulnerable etc. And, towards the very end, she said the same thing about my suicidal thoughts -- why push them away if I'd lived with them for pretty much most my life and was okay with having them i.e., why take mainstream society's definition of what's a 'bad' thought?

Key being that I really be okay with whatever the behavior / way of being / thinking is.

If I'm not feeling okay with how things are, then that's where the therapist may choose to step in and say that it might be worthwhile to try something else -- whether or not I want to try that X thing is of course, again, my choice.

Perhaps I am just abnormal, then. But I have never found expressing any emotion to a therapist more useful than talking to myself or the cat (unless I am expressing anger that they screwed up, and that would apply to anyone). And when they then proceed to screw up in ways that really impact me negatively, it makes me feel worse if I have confided anything in them.

So from the start I plan to use CW as a hollow reed. (Reference to the story of King Midas's donkey ears and his barber.)

No such thing as normal, ergo no such thing as abnormal. We each experience feelings differently and it's highly improbable that we would each get the same benefit from expressing them in a particular way.

What Echos said.

And, not to channel former T again but yeah, why bother with categorizing anything as normal or abnormal? If something is useful / works for you, then great. And, if not, not. Who cares how someone else defines it?

I don't find it remotely pleasant to talk about feelings in therapy and going by my recent experience with current T, it's absolutely hellish when they screw up. But, I continue to do it because figuring out how to do it around other people is something I hope (fingers crossed) will make my life easier -- entirely because not doing it has made me fairly miserable so far.

If that specific goal wasn't something I was looking to work on in therapy, I wouldn't bother doing it and instead, focus on doing whatever it is that I need to work on.

I really don't see the point of having a universal definition of anything as 'normal' / 'abnormal' or 'good' / 'bad' (unless one is talking about absolute very-big-deal moral issues).

I wasn't beating up on myself (or anyone else) when I said "abnormal," but literally I meant outside the range of typical experience (going by the responses to me and Crocus).

(((Artie))) youre not annoying. Im just trying to hear what youre saying.

(((Crocus))) oh! You wrote, why telling other people what im feeling is a good thing. For me, i did not know what i was feeling. So the first step was just to get THAT figured out. Then i could choose how leaky or absorbent a sponge or a human i wanted to be, instead of having no boundaries.

Ha ha maybe thats why we sometimes say we feel "drained" after a t session?!

Ah, okay.

But, I'd venture to say that what looks like a typical experience is likely anything but i.e., I kinda doubt PC post-ers (even leaving aside sample size and sample selection issues) are all that okay with the idea of talking about feelings or thinking that it's universally a normal / good thing to do -- all I have to do is take a look at the many many threads on how cut up people are about their Ts not responding as they wanted them to when they confided about X, Y, Z; not wanting to tell their Ts X, Y, Z thing; having told their T some X, Y, Z thing and then deeply regretting it; lather, rinse, repeat in an endless array of permutations and combinations of the above.

Folks also vary in what they are in therapy for -- I kinda doubt we'll see a whole lot of people here who are in therapy for other sorts of stuff (i.e., not related to dealing with emotional expression, relationships etc). So, then the notion of typical is kinda skewed in six different ways already.

Sorry. I'll shut up.

Please don't?

I'm really sorry I was hurtful -- I do tend to get carried away and don't realize how hectoring I sound

What AY said, chapter and verse (especially if I am the one who said something hurtful).

This is one thing i can agree with trump on. I am sooooo bigly. I have all the best words. Everything i do is great. Im like a really smart person

You're so smart, the rest of us have trouble understanding you!

Best invented word ever = vellichor (the wistful feeling induced by used bookshops).

A friend and I are considering submitting a petition to have 'Sad!' (note the exclamation point) as a separate entry in the dictionary. Because it conveys sadness bigly (that just plain old 'sad' doesn't).

Also, I can't help but wonder about the general obsession with all things bigly......I hope your secret meetings with the Russian ambassador shed some light on this all-important issue.

Happy Greek Independence Day to all! Γεια μας!

It's a good night to make saganaki for dinner.

I love that feeling of being in a used bookstore. lovelovelove! so many treasures waiting to be found.

When I went to the National Park yesterday, I found out the entrance fee went up to $15!! It's good for 7 days I think, but I never seem to make it back w/in that 7 days. So I bought the annual pass instead for $35. I just have to go twice more before the end of the year and it will have pretty much paid for itself! What a deal. (Well, when you live 4 miles from it and go there several times a year anyway!)

Because you are growing?

With Madame T, I replicated a relationship from my past and got the same ending. That's why I feel so cheated.

There is a theory that any one T can take you only so far. Perhaps you have reached the limits of this T and are ready for the next one?

PS:
I myself may be ready for the next one. And it's not The Countess. The attachment is so weak I see her only in emergencies.

Because there is more support in the world than I thought, but people can't support you if they don't know what you are going through.

It's hard not understanding and not being understood.