Couch 134 - The Untriquadium Couch

I don't doubt that it has been so for you. It has not for me. I don't consider the concept of need in terms of a therapist either - so that probably -for me plays into it. From what I have read in books by those people, it is, in how I see it, usually the client ultimately paying to capitulate to the therapist and let those guys get away with what ever they want.

I hope that's not what my t is doing.

First, I am a total cynic about therapists - so there is that. But, for what it is worth, and while she sounds way too woowoo for me, I have never gotten the feeling, from your descriptions, that the therapist you see is like that much, if at all.

Thanks SD and I hope she's not but I'm just in a weird place right now where she is concerned...

Hey couch peeps. Just stopping in to say hi. I lost track of the couch this weekend so I'm not sure what's going on with folks this weekend therefore I can offer hugs, handshakes or head nods to those who might want em or need em.
This month has 5 Fridays so I was able to go buy some clothes for spring/summer. I don't like clothes shopping but it was a treat to have some extra money due to the extra pay check this month so I took the money and burned it right up. I'm honestly glad I'm not seeing a therapist or PDOC. For me, it was such a money suck. Well couchies, I'm gonna go try to read back on here a bit but I'm not sure how far I'll get. I'm tired. Thinking of you all.

A commercial on tv just totally made me think. At the end it said "you don't have to find yourself. You just have to let yourself in." wow, that speaks to me. Like I can feel myself on the outside wanting in???

Crocus you do deserve to feel better. I'm so very sorry if what i said made you feel bad. I need to think before i post. (((Crocus)))

No, please don't censor your words because of me. That would make me very sad - please don't?

I just have to let myself out. Like how inside a fat peron, theres a skinny person trying to get out (i know, because she ate 'em ha ha not). Inside this dopey person, theres a together person trying to get out.

So maybe i have it backward. In would mean acceptance, attachment, instead of aspiration, not being good enough.

Good idea, thanks!

This is my 500th post

I just re-read the poem I wrote and sent t yesterday. And now I just feel, well sad. This whole situation is ridiculous and it is me that is making it so and I need to just knock it the heck off, call her tomorrow, and see if I can still come on Wednesday after work to talk this through so I don't continue torturing myself until 4/5 when I insisted on waiting until. Damn it all to hell, I need to get out of my own way already.

All your feelings are valid, Art. Even the ones that contradict the other ones. It sounds like you're losing patience with yourself and your ambivalence. It might be worth stepping back and trying to notice all of your feelings about this. Fighting with them is exhausting. Do what feels right, but don't dismiss your opposing feelings.

Quite. And maybe t was just mirroring that the other day.

Art, do you think you might be giving your therapist a bit too much credit for knowing more than you do about what's going on? I mean, a therapist has an outside perspective which can sometimes feel like they know things about us that we don't, but I think it's also possible that they are just as lost as we are. That is not a bad thing, and it doesn't mean they can't still be helpful. But I think that by believing a therapist knows things we don't (about ourselves), that we are selling ourselves short in that department.

When you look at it that way, maybe you will feel less urgency to find out what your therapist thinks is best. She cannot read your mind or your psyche, no matter how much she leads you to think so. You are so very open, she is just picking things up that you put out there (with the advantage of an outside perspective). You have access to all that, and more.

I'm not saying she can't be helpful, just that she's not nearly as powerful as you are in terms of directing your life and knowing what's right. And it's okay to not have to know everything immediately. The chaos of uncertainty is uncomfortable, but it's got tons of possibility.

I'm sure you're right. I just am not able to see that right now.

I should have stayed on my break.

You wanted to see her and it helped you get through a rough patch at home to have that appointment in your sights. I think that's a good thing. I admire you for being able to come and go and grapple with this.

Seconded. (((art)))

Madame T was pretty explicit in her refusal to accept any responsibility. I should have dumped her then. I'll know better next time.

"Unexploded Cow is a card game by Cheapass Games in which the objective is to blow up unexploded bombs in France with mad cows from Britain, earning money in the process."

....yes, I know that. I have played the game.

I haven't. And pretty soon one of the other couchies is going to ask.

Please lok at your message and think. It would have been courteous to post something on the lines of "That was a new game for me. I looked it up and saw that it was produced by Cheapass games. Is it fun?", instead of addressing me, specifically, by using a quote - and providing some basic information, as if I would have been too feeble and female to be capable of providing the same info (only not copypasted from some website) if I had been asked. After all, any couchie who were curious could have googled for the same info (it's what I have to do for most of the topics on here).

Eh! Meh! Pfttt!

Just been like that lately. I have been crazy up and down and all around with mood and sleep as well as other things. I haven't had much time to think at all.

I was gone from the couch so long, I missed most of the last one and almost all of this one. Wow.

I am alive and well though. Saw pdoc this past Wednesday. He wanted to try going back down to 156mg on the Invega Sustenna, so we did. The end of the 4 weeks will be the test period as to whether or not that was a good idea. I am staying hopeful.

I also realized that pdoc is a bit older than I thought he was. He brought up my parents last appointment and asked if I talk to them. I said sometimes, but I try not to as they have special views on mental health, especially my dad. Pdoc asked so they don't believe in it. Nope. How old is your father? 62. Oh we are the same age. I just smiled without showing my teeth'. I did not really care to know his age, but I found out. Now that I know he is close to retirement age, I am worried he may retire on me soon and I will be left to find a new pdoc that I would trust right away (as I have to trust someone who is giving me a shot in that part of my body). Maybe I am just stressing. I dunno. Me and my stupid worries.

I had a psychotic attack on Monday at school job, so I felt that I needed to leave. I didn't know how to explain that I was psychotic at the time, as it may reflect negatively on me, so I just said I was not feeling well and needed to go home to rest as I felt nauseous. I didn't mean to lie...but I really couldn't say "oh I am hearing voices right now." That would have made me look crazy.

I probably should have told pdoc about the psychosis on Monday when I saw him on Wednesday, but I was afraid he would hospitalize me even though it had passed. I trust his decisions, but I really did not want to go to the hospital.

Well, I need to go try to do some masters school work that I am behind on. I'll pop in later couch.

We never know wot you lot will be up to next!

Eta - oh but then we would have been deprived of some of the most hilarious exchanges evah! Had no idea cheapazz games was for real. Plus i am soooo lazy.

(((squirrel))) maybe your pdoc wont retire right away. My old pdoc is ten years older than him and still working. My gp also passed 65 and is still working.