I feel judged

I don't think it is any help to Hope, as it wouldn't be to me, to start arguments in a thread she started to express feelings of people not being supportive.

Also, I know I'm new around here, and I don't know all the back stories of every single person here, but perhaps we could all just stick to the adage "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything.

I know if I had enough courage to express what Hope did here, it would only make me feel worse to see what this thread has devolved into...

/rant.

While I agree with you that life is a lot easier when you can take 'no' for an answer, OP has asked for support. She is not asking to be taught anything by this forum.

I am quite sure that she knows that a bunch of people here think she should refrain from contacting ex-Pdoc.

Perhaps we should all reread this from the top of each page:

Please keep this in mind while in the psychotherapy forums: A reminder about support and judgment here

Hi Hope,

Just wanted to apologize if my response on your previous thread hurt you at all. I did not mean to sound harsh or judgemental, it truly was from a place of concern. I hope you do stay and that you are able to work through your issues with ex-T with your current T.

Hi hope, wasn't here when the last thread was up so I just wanted to ask what was it you expected to happen when you approached your old T?

Bearing in mind he had specifically said he wasn't interested in being your T or your p-doc.

I want to know what you were needing /wanting from this man?

It is my guess, unsatisfied attachment. It is truly awful when therapists' actions cause some of us to become too attached and reliant on them, then all of a sudden, when they realize what they've done, they pull back, thus causing the client damage. Perhaps retraumatization, if they were abandoned in this way in their younger years. I have seen it too often on this forum where this happens, and it scares me. Therapists make it so they carry a person's heart in their hand, then squash it when they realize they didn't follow their training on boundaries. Honestly, I think some therapists also get very attached to their clients, and when they realize it, they back off. I'm not saying that's what happened with hope, but he seemed to raise boundaries one day, leaving her hanging by a thread. This therapist damaged her, I believe, and I'm thankful she is seeing a new one who hopefully can help her relieve the pain of the last one. Hope, I just hope you keep yourself safe by pretending your ex therapist doesn't exist. Even though he no longer has you as a client, he still seems to have power over you. I think he was quite unethical. Have you considered, maybe, reporting him? It may give you something to do with this hurt and anger, and help you feel more powerful yourself. Maybe that might provide closure for you?

I haven't logged in for awhile but wanted to just to say I like this reply. So true! The OP was judged and is obviously going through a tough time. If it were only as easy as "leaving someone alone". I was in your position once 20 years ago. It was the most painful, gut wrenching experience of my life. I hated myself for my feelings, actions, and desperation. Hang on, you will get through it.

Unfortunately posting on an open forum leaves you open to the opinions of others.
It's a hazard that I think everyone is aware of.

It is unfortunate, although I I don't think anyone meant to hurt Hope, the road to hell is paved with good intentions.

This is true about Ex-T. He gave me super support for a few years. He told me he loved me and would never abandon me. He always made me coffee and gave me long hugs. In November 2015, He sent me a text saying that he was glad that I trusted him to help me.

Then, in January 2016, the rug was pulled from under me without original warnings that there was a change about to take place.

I've thought about reporting him to the board because he abandoned me when I was on 7 medications and left me without a doctor.

Believe it or not, after yesterday I don't want anything to do with him anyway and I'm glad that I'm out of his practice.

I have never heard of unsatisfied attachment before, but it seems like an important concept for any of us who have suffered with this kind of thing from a T. It could DEFINITELY be discussed upfront, if a T suspects attachment issues. And if they DON'T suspect attachment issues and it shows up later, then it could be discussed then.

Instead, the Ts say "I have my boundaries. You have to respect that. No questions asked. The problem is you. Sorry I couldn't help you. Go try somebody else."

"Unsatisfied attachment" provides a name for the gnawing impulse to reach out to someone who WAS, or seemed to be, satisfying some of the longing for attachment, sometimes at least.

It's appalling the profession doesn't recognize that and put it in the informed consent, which should probably be discussed in person if someone really wants the client to understand the risks and not just cover their a. . .s legally.

OMG. That is so logically specious. Appeal to extremes. Straw Man. Reductio ad Absurdum. I didnt say anything about no holds barred. I'm suggesting that people be allowed to express themselves honestly without fear of punishment or retribution or attack. Of course there are limits and you can't have people going insane.

I did not want Hope's thread shut down. What I thought might be needed is moderator intervention along the lines of giving warnings to those who had, in my view, crossed a line. Not because I am against those people expressing themselves, but because that thread was like a freaking lynching and seemed well and truly out of control. Clear?

I don't blame you for the actions you described in the other thread, given the above. Not saying it's a good thing to keep contacting him, but I understand the impulse. Therapists seem to me always one step away from bullying and abuse, and one of the worst manifestations of this is the sudden termination and shutting down of all contact and all dialogue. It's a sadistic move and a good way to induce rage or sui thoughts or a psychotic episode in some.

I've never heard of it before either! I just made it up! LOL

I do not want to cause anymore conflict.

I don't feel you're causing conflict Hope. Some of us are used to getting blamed for things all the time and it becomes a core belief that everything is our fault. You've been brave to speak as you have - sometimes threads get a little heated and we lose sight of the OP. So I'm glad you're still with us and hope you're feeling more settled.