Couch 136: Transference Welcome!

I think I've gotten all the information I'm going to get about the ex and I'm going to try to not look for any more (the things I don't know that I had wanted to know are his resting place, and what he had that belonged to me).
Now the only information I need to look at is what it all means to me. And that will have to be the task for when therapy resumes.

I'm aware that he's incredibly defensive. I'm aware that underneath it all he is deeply afraid. Still a little boy.

But I do not believe that he will ever 'break the habit', I do not believe that he will ever change... He has never showed any signs of changing and I have begged him, over and over again, not to lie to me. I have told him how much it hurts me. When he insists on carrying on it feels like gaslighting.

I really don't need to be encouraged to feel sorry for him. It's part of what's keeping me with him, and it's not a good reason to stay with him at all. I know that he's broken inside. I don't want to spend the rest of my life trying to fix him.

I used to be a liar myself. To a massive extent. I did change, and now honesty is extremely important to me.

I've only just woken up and I'm crying already. Today is going to be a good day.

What CE said is true, but ultimately Luc, it's not your responsibility to put up with that in your relationship. My ex hit me, in part because he had a terribly abusive childhood. I think that fact kept me around far longer than I should have stayed.

(((((Luc)))))

Hugs luco... my ex-bf was abusive in many ways, had problems with drugs, alcohol etc.. I knew that people don't just have those "problems" without reasons, which is what kept me with him for far longer than it should have.
You can't fix him and you don't have to feel guilty for that. There's nothing you can really do to make him "better" or more "honest". He has to change himself. And: he'll survive without you.

Btw, the straw that broke the camels back for me was that we met somewhere in public and he just couldn't stop "hopping/jumping" around. I asked him what he had used and he just said nothing (which obviously was a lie). We broke up that evening

take care...

Easter is a really hard time for me since my parents explicitly used the Bible to justify the beatings.

I should tell the sister to eff off and quit acting all sisterly. Because we practiced child on child corporal punishment. Also she's researching fundamentalist Christianity which we grew up in vs progressive Christianity. Which is fine because I've done that too, but I don't want to hear her thoughts. She should go see her counsellor or keep talking to her numerous supportive friends instead of talking to me. I wish I had the courage to tell her that yet again.

Because i can't effing get over how the two siblings who caned me believe they're effing HELPING me overcome and all that jazz.

(((QM)))

(((Luco)))
(((QM)))

Was reading some customer comments on the survey from work

One of them said that we all look low class, and that they guess the manager is hiring "Disadvantaged people" and that they can "tolerate" lower class employees, but they need to make us look nicer

Hahahhah...first of all where do you think you are?

This is what I see:
You people look poor and I can tolerate poor people, I just don't want them to LOOK poor

Sheeeeesh. That kind of comment is what's really low-class.

I would post a sign at the customer service desk: "We apologize if our employees look low-class. We have instructed them to try to blend in with our customers as much as possible."

It blew me away but i.thought it was hilarious
It's just SO rude and ridiculous

Does this person think they're in a
TRADER JOES?

I really wish I could know who wrote it haha. I wouldn't confront them but I would try to be extra low class.for them

I'm wondering how one manages to look low class? I must be the poster child. I'm sorry you had to see that!

Oh man, it's like my colleagues and I (who all have minimum coverage insurances, no hope of ever affording to start a family much less send kids to school or go on vacation or any of those things) putting on tuxes and evening gowns when we play concerts every weekend. Gotta blend in and put on a good show for the rich people! Otherwise they might know what our real life is like. There are rules in our contract: makeup required, nothing with holes or loose seams, no wrinkles, no cotton, linen, or knits...

But thank you rich people, for coming to my concerts, just the same. I bet they think we all go out for cocktails afterward.

I actually stopped shopping at Whole Foods (not that I went there much) because I could not take the condescension radiating off some of the employees.

"Where do you keep the bread?"
"Oh, we keep all the poison in aisle 5."

(I read that in a column about Whole Foods as an actual exchange.)

snark warning

'Healthy' grocery stores have become like their own elite subculture

Honestly.my store isn't high end at all

There's a huge juxtaposition in "class" in the town iwork. They built a huge international equestrian center near there, so we have rich horse people from Florida who mostly just visit, and the locals who are in poverty

Or "In response to customer feedback we have raised our prices by 500%, in order to pay very large salaries to every employee so they will not be or look low-class".

Thanks for the hugs and the sharing of experiences, couchies. Sorry CE if I came across as a bit aggressive - I did appreciate your input. I'm just obviously rather sensitive about this at the moment! I have calmed down a bit now.

I know I need to leave this relationship. I just feel like I can't do it unless someone holds my hand. Like T, I want T to hold my hand. He's not gonna though...

JD, it's impossible for me to comment on that astounding bit of snobbery without using a string of extremely offensive words...

Erm, and now I have 1750 words of essay to write. So, yeah. If my brain would start working at some point that would be useful?

I have 7 hours worth of prepping my code manuals to do haha

*high five* GO TEAM!

I'm rendered speechless about the customer feedback. Actually not speechless but I'm pretty sure I would get kicked off of here by the amount of curse words that would come out of my mouth

Shall I make a new couch? (Things to do to avoid essay-writing #274...)

Seems like 137 is actually a pretty special number https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/137_(number)

I quite like the Jung thing. I'm rubbish at titles though (hence my poems never have titles)