[CptsdAnn]

In the past 2 weeks I opened up to my T about my childhood sexual abuse that took me 30 plus years to discuss. My T told me yesterday that my insurance co called her and said I am only allowed 1 session per week instead of 2. I told my T this was okay and I would be fine...... I am not. I couldn't sleep all night and now I am becoming very withdrawn and having suicidal thoughts. I know it's not my T fault but my anger is towards her?? I m already thinking I'm done and never coming back. I finally open up and now I feel shut down. I'm so confused and don't know what to feel.

[Argonautomobile]

That's rough, Ann. I'm sorry your insurance won't cover the two sessions a week, and that you feel shut down as a result. I hope you and your T can come up with a plan so that you are safe and can cope between sessions.

Hang in there.

[CptsdAnn]

Originally Posted by Argonautomobile

That's rough, Ann. I'm sorry your insurance won't cover the two sessions a week, and that you feel shut down as a result. I hope you and your T can come up with a plan so that you are safe and can cope between sessions.

Hang in there.

Thank you! I think I need to just be grateful that I do have insurance and stop being a baby

[Argonautomobile]

Originally Posted by CptsdAnn

Thank you! I think I need to just be grateful that I do have insurance and stop being a baby

I don't think you're being a baby. It's good to be grateful for what we do have, but it's okay to be frustrated when that doesn't seem like enough. Trauma work sucks.

[Sarmas]

Originally Posted by CptsdAnn

In the past 2 weeks I opened up to my T about my childhood sexual abuse that took me 30 plus years to discuss. My T told me yesterday that my insurance co called her and said I am only allowed 1 session per week instead of 2. I told my T this was okay and I would be fine...... I am not. I couldn't sleep all night and now I am becoming very withdrawn and having suicidal thoughts. I know it's not my T fault but my anger is towards her?? I m already thinking I'm done and never coming back. I finally open up and now I feel shut down. I'm so confused and don't know what to feel.

I would speak to your T and express to her how you've been feeling. Perhaps there's something you both can work out to supplement it help you cope better while addressing your childhood trauma. Stopping now or withdrawing is not to your benefit. When open up wounds there are so many emotions involved and it's so convoluted that it might not make sense to us. If you bring this to your Ts attention she can help steer you in the right direction and help you understand your emotions better.

[Moment]

Could you tell your therapist how you are feeling and see if there can be pushback against your insurance co to cover two sessions for a short period of time since you are at a sensitive point in therapy?

This is a particularly bad time to have this happen. I hope your therapist acknowledged that to you.

I think that something that is almost always involved in CSA is a failure to protect. There is the offender but usually another caregiver who fails to know or fails to protect. Many times, dynamics that were involved in the original trauma get played out in various ways in the therapy room. I would not be surprised at all if your inner self feels "unprotected" by your therapist from this abusive act by the insurance company. And you are acting as though thing are "OK" when really they are not--which is often another replication of the original abuse situation. This could be why you are having such strong feelings about this situation--emotionally it could feel very similar to the very things you have been recently talking about in therapy, this time with your therapist playing the role of the neglectful caregiver. And that is why you feel so angry--angry that she is not protecting you, and angry that you feel you have to hide your true feelings and act like all is OK when it's not.

The only solution for this is to discuss your feelings openly with your therapist. Ask your therapist to call the company and push back. Even if she is unsuccessful, you will have the experience of expressing your true feelings and getting a caregiver (the therapist) to take them seriously and attempt to address them. Even if your therapist cannot get the insurance company to comply, maybe the two of you could discuss other ways she could offer more support in a time-limited way, with the understanding that this is a particularly sensitive time.

Frankly I would not wait until your next session. I would call your therapist and express your true feelings and ask her to take action for you. This could be very therapeutic. Replications of past abuse dynamics can appear, emotionally, in the therapy room but they MUST be dealt with differently this time around.

I also just want to say, your feelings are totally understandable and I am sure I would exactly feel the same way. There is nothing wrong with your feelings at all. Many times, in a messed up abuse situation, the abuser sends the message that "what I am doing is fine. the only thing wrong with it is YOU, your feelings." It leaves the victim in a very confused state of mind and makes them wonder if the problem really is them. The problem is not you. It is totally normal to be upset and unhappy when the insurance company unilaterally makes a change like this at a difficult time with you. It would also be totally normal to be upset if your therapist acted like this was no big deal instead of understanding and anticipating what the effect would be on you. There is absolutely nothing wrong with your feelings on this and please, please, speak to your therapist to tell her how you feel and directly ask her to take action to support you.

[CptsdAnn]

wow, THANK YOU so much for such great advice and support. Everything you said totally makes sense. I hope and pray someday I can process and cope with all these thoughts and feelings. Sometimes I just don't know what feelings go with what sensations. This can be so overwhelming in so many different ways. Once again, thank you from the bottom of my heart

[BudFox]

Originally Posted by Moment

The only solution for this is to discuss your feelings openly with your therapist.

Let's not get carried away. Stopping could be another solution, especially given that was apparently OP's gut instinct, and gut feelings are important clues, and given that seemingly something quite stupid has happened on this therapist's watch.

[CptsdAnn]

Originally Posted by Sarmas

I would speak to your T and express to her how you've been feeling. Perhaps there's something you both can work out to supplement it help you cope better while addressing your childhood trauma. Stopping now or withdrawing is not to your benefit. When open up wounds there are so many emotions involved and it's so convoluted that it might not make sense to us. If you bring this to your Ts attention she can help steer you in the right direction and help you understand your emotions better.

Thank you! This is exactly where I'm at. Convoluted everything...... so not fun

[stopdog]

Have you considered looking into a group for csa people? We have some here - they are free to go to and people support each other - not as formal as a therapist but people who are dealing with it.

[CptsdAnn]

Originally Posted by stopdog

Have you considered looking into a group for csa people? We have some here - they are free to go to and people support each other - not as formal as a therapist but people who are dealing with it.

Thx at stopdog. How do I find these groups? I might be willing to try. I will try and find. Thank you so much

[skeksi]

I also think talking about this with your T will help, even if it doesn't affect the insurance company's decision. I wonder if this feels punitive in some way--like, if part of you wonders if the T had a role in taking away the second session due to your disclosure. That's the kind of fears my mind jumps to, and sharing that with your T can really help.

I do think it's odd that the decision to stop coverage was made in June, unless your insurance operates on an academic year schedule. If it works on a calendar year schedule, usually coverage changes are implemented in January.

I hope you are able to have your feelings on this heard.

[CptsdAnn]

Thank you so much for validating this feeling. It's exactly what I felt but couldn't express it to her. I did end up calling my insurance co and they told me 2 sessions is only allowed if patient is suicidal or has been hospitalized. Really?? It's almost like they want me to fail. At least that's how I'm feeling..... so sorry for the vent, this is all so depressing to me

[CptsdAnn]

Originally Posted by stopdog

Have you considered looking into a group for csa people? We have some here - they are free to go to and people support each other - not as formal as a therapist but people who are dealing with it.

Where about scan I find them on here? I could really use it right now. Thx

[CptsdAnn]

Can't take these feelings and emotions anymore. I think I m in trouble need hospitalization. It's just too much

[Demunie]

Originally Posted by CptsdAnn

Can't take these feelings and emotions anymore. I think I m in trouble need hospitalization. It's just too much

That sounds bad. Sorry you're hurting so much. How are you right now? Are you safe? Please go to the hospital if you feel you need it