[Fuzzybear]

let you say anything without judging you?
Or have any therapists turned on you after you trusted your most vulnerable part to them?

And if they do abuse you how do you ever trust another therapist or even trust yourself?

[Fuzzybear]

Sorry I should be over this already. I'll leave this post here to remind myself to shut the %#@&#! up. Sorry about the %#@&#!, I'm out of fuel and words...

Trust was a huge issue for me when I found this T (of 9 months now)... I explained to him some of my past experiences with T..

I truely would trust this T.. with each and every part of me (alters).. I know that he would not hurt me.. mis-use that trust.. in no way..no shape.. no form..

so if you don't trust your T now.. I want to give you hope.. that there are T out there.. that are trustworthy.
I had a T like this one many years ago too.. for 3 years and felt the same way..

Again.. for me.. the key factors were.. private.. small practices.. integretity.. a smaller work load than clinics..
and a great desire to see their clients succeed...

[RiverX]

Oh no!! thats the last thing you need I'd imagine.
I have felt more misunderstood than judged, but Ive got a wierd history with therapy anyway.
What I've been learning is when I'm troubled by what I think someone else thinks of me, is I re-run it past myself, and think 'so, whats MY opinion about myself then?', never mind the other's opinion. (course if my own opinion is judgemental I have to re-jig it a bit),
Hi Fuzzy, we must be online at the same time. Its nightime here.

riverx

[Fuzzybear]

Thanks, thats helpful (if in fact I have any hope, maybe if I kid myself I'll shut up though idk) The T I saw was in a lets say large clinic, newly qualified, and another one had a breakdown and sacked all her clients over the phone. The list goes on but I don't trust to say more.

[Fuzzybear]

Thanks RiverX, yes, I have been judgemental about myself and maybe the T internalised that, not sure. Or maybe he was just uncaring like he seemed to be. With other T's I didn't trust at all so they had no chance. Maybe some people can walk straight from abuse into another T's office and trust but I'm not one of those people, I know that at least about myself. Nightmare here too!

I would guess that most people who see a T do have trust issues... and that it's completely normal to feel scared that you will be judged. That's why it's so important for the T and client to spend time just working on the relationship... establishing a relationship.... a connection... this can take years before the trust is built.

[Fuzzybear]

Thanks pinksoil, sometimes the difference between different countries and their attitude to therapy and the therapists available seems like different planets but I know some have found good T's over here so although I'd love to crawl under a crushing rock I won't do that just yet. It disgusts me when general practitioners fob me off with useless drugs and curt rude words and indifference (yet again) but I suppose I should feel sorry for them that they are so ignorant. (or maybe just incompetent)

(((hugs)))....

I just want to say... I had a history with some T's too.. It took a really long time to find this T.. months.. I sent out e-mails.. with "weird" questions.. to see how they would respond.. so I could just get an idea.. of what their initial reaction was to stuff..

I goggled the T.. lol..

I checked out the building..

I knew already I didn't want to be in a clinic again...where the T would be more likely to come and go..

I wanted some one with experience.. but who wasn't going to retire soon.. or have a baby..

private practice meant to me they had a vested interest in staying in their practice..

And then.. of course.. the insurance..

Then I had been so "burned"... I asked over and over and over... each session:
are you retiring in the next 10 years
do you have any thoughts of not liking your profession
do you get rid of clients you don't like
does your wife want to move to a warmer client
do you have a life threatening or an illness that would make it so you couldn't practice..

We.. have gone thru this.. 2 times a week.. for months.. until I am sure that he is telling the truth... so I put him thru alot...

So you are not alone... it took me many months to find him too.. I couldn't just walk in and "trust" someone either.
I won't go into what my previous T of 4 years did to me to make me so hurt..

The other T that I liked for 3 years.. I really put him thru the mill.. I tested him and tested him to see if he would stick around... (the T before him.. well I won't go into that either)..

So you are not the only one....the right fit is there... there is hope...

[ECHOES]

Fuzzy,

I have had therapists disappear and have trust issues in general.

I've been seeing my T for 6 months and we are still working on trust.

It won't just happen, but it will come if you both know it needs work and then you do that work.

For me, it comes a little at a time and sometimes it's there fully and other times not. There is much more trust now than when I started. In fact, I'm just realizing this, so thank you for your post. It feels good to realize that the trust is coming along.

[Fuzzybear]

Thanks freewill

[Fuzzybear]

Thanks ECHOES for sharing your experience (and not judging me)

[(JD)]

My T has never judged me.

[Fuzzybear]

I think if a T judges me again, I'll be out of the door, no second chances.

[(JD)]

No, first you ask if he/she just judged you, and if so, why! Sometimes we insert the word "judging" into our thoughts when it isn't. Don't lose a T over a misunderstanding made for the very reason you're in therapy ((((hugs)))

[Fuzzybear]

That's a good point, thanks!

[sunrise]

fuzzy, I did have a trust issue with a therapist I saw briefly, a long time ago, when I was in college, and this came up in my current therapy. It created issues for my new therapist and me--trust, etc. We had to spend some time resolving this distrust of the therapist from my past. Truly, I had not thought about this original therapist for decades, but those things have a way of coming up in therapy if they need to be dealt with, which we did. In that way I was able to knock down one barrier to trust with my current T. There were others, but that was an important, hidden one from the past.

If you find a therapist you like, just keep working at the trust issue. It's not easy, I know. Give him opportunities to "prove" he is worthy of your trust, and each success will take you a little further down the road. Good luck.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
fuzzybear said:
sometimes the difference between different countries and their attitude to therapy and the therapists available seems like different planets

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">
fuzzy, that's very interesting to me. Can you say more? What country are you in? I am in the U.S., and I think many here would roll their eyes at the thought of therapy and consider a person very weak or self-indulgent to partake--kind of the Woody Allen stereotype. But there are certainly other people who consider it pretty acceptable. I've told my boss I see a therapist, and she has told me she has seen a family counselor with her kids, and neither of us has judged each other for that. What did you mean by the "therapists available"? Do you mean the types of therapists--what approach they take--such as CBT?

((((((fuzzy))))).... I didn't see the part about different countries,,,,, so sorry... even different areas of the states have different availablity...((((hugs))) for you...

Tough questions....I'm still looking for those answers myself. Almost bolted from the new therapists office about 3 times. I'm getting close to calling it quits right now. Think the new therapist is starting to burn out....just not sure if I should call it quits. He's using his "crutch" ( a corduroy blazer) all the time now, he's acted paranoid and defensive a couple times and another couple times he's been distracted. I know everyone has bad days but when is too many? I just don't want to place myself in a bad situation.

The first thing my therapist said after the paper work stuff was that she is very non-judgemental and it's true. She's the most non-judgemental person I ever met. Deep down, I know I could tell her ANYTHING.

I think an important thing to remember is therapists are failable. Therapists are human. Some are in it for the wrong reasons. Because one does wrong, does not mean all will.

[Butterflygirl]

My first therapist seduced me. My second therapist got me into college. My third therapist opened my eyes to my family of origin issues. My current therapist is excellent and keeps me focused on the work. No small talk. Therapy is important to me. I never gave up on the process just because of what happened with my first therapist.

[Fuzzybear]

Thanks sunrise! I live in the UK. Many people here, including doctors I've seen consider a person weak and a failure to even see a therapist for a few months. Prejudices like that suck and stick. The first doctor I saw was like that and I feel he was abusive to me but as abuse was all I was used to, I didn't sack him for years.

With "therapists available" it seems that many people I know over here have seen therapists who have been less than helpful. That combined with the stigma and misunderstandings of the medical profession were what I was thinking of. It seems almost unheard of here to see say an analyst for 10 years. Or maybe I just haven't done my research properly...

I'm not going to give up though, just be very cautious and not take abuse from any professional ever again.

[RiverX]

Yeah, take your time I recon, tune into your heart.

riverx

[(JD)]

Some good points made in this thread. One I wish to add to, some Ts are in it for the right reasons, but they just are just not cut out to do the work/job! (imnshpo)

[Fuzzybear]

Yes, some are "inadequate" as opposed to "malicious" but both can be and are extremely damaging.