Couch 140: Knocking pans

Every child needs an Auntie Unaluna.

Maybe you can translate for me - I find their idea of narrative and dialogue to be Mandarinesque.

Oh god - I had blocked that horror- their complete lack of coherent narrative ability almost lead me to weep.

How did it go, Luc?

Eww, small children. I did half of my student teaching last spring in kindergarten, so 5 year olds. Within a week I knew I needed to teach either middle school or high school. I hope if I have my own children that I'll tolerate them better at that age.

Hoping it went well, luc!

I'm so very glad I took the day off. I ended up sleeping until 11 and am still sickly/exhausted.

Did he show?

Wow that is very generous of you, ATAT-especially since it is such a LONG time. That seems like a long time to leave 4 year olds. I am not sure I'd do that for my brother, and I am a preschool teacher

Yes, appointment started at about 10:40.. 40mins after originally scheduled. He must have cancelled his 11am because I stayed until 11:45 And there was no one in the waiting room when I for out

So he explained to me that he was our is town over the weekend and he for in Sunday evening.. his back was in spasms from sleeping on a not bed and traveling.. So, I think he over slept as well was waiting for pain meds to kick in before he came into work.

The thing is, if was a once in awhile thing I wouldn't be so annoyed, but stuff like this happens all to often. So, I have been putting limits.. if he doesn't show up in a center amount of time I walk out. It's my new policy.

And I am sitting in the office right now for my son's appointment it's 20 after and he has called his client in yet. It's definitely a chronic issue.

You have the patience of a saint. There's no way that would be OK with me. I think it's good that you're beginning to set boundaries with your T. I hope that T cleans up his act.

Hello Argo

I've just got home. I was eventually seen almost two hours after my appointment time. The outpatients department had closed up - the receptionists had gone home, the cleaners were mopping the floor around my feet...

It went okay. It went as well as I could hope for, I suppose. I don't even know what I'm hoping for anymore. The doctor was good - he listened to me, he gave me time and space and respect. He seemed to know his stuff.

I'm being sent for more tests. Another appointment in another three months.

I always feel so deflated after these appointments. All that anticipation for... well, nothing. I suppose I should get used to it.

And now... I have to work out what the hell to say in an e-mail to T. I asked him if it would be okay to e-mail him today since we couldn't have our usual appointment... and I don't want to waste the opportunity to contact him. But now I don't know what to say and I feel really embarrassed about the whole thing. Argh.

Will post recap of session in the appropriate thread, but thought you'd all be amused by something from the end of marriage counseling. In an attempt at an analogy to me, MC was talking about how Nolan Ryan was a wild, inconsistent pitcher, so many teams didn't want him. He never managed to control his pitching, but he made the hall of fame anyway. I asked if MC was comparing his pitching to my feelings/emotions, like for him or other authority figures. He said yes. I was like, "So even if I can't control them, I could be in the Hall of Fame?" He said, "Exactly!" I was like, "Uh, the Hall of Fame of what?" MC laughed and said he wasn't sure. H was like, "That's a great way to end the session!" I was like, "The Hall of Fame of transference and attachment?" I think he said maybe. It was another case of "MC Analogies gone wrong!" Though he was sick with a cold, so I suppose I should cut him some slack...

I think most of us here have earned our spot there!

Oh man. Nolan Ryan threw seven no-hitters and struck out over 5700 batters over his career, 800 more than the next guy on the list. He started more games than any pitcher since Cy Young, which accounts in part for the high number of walks and wild pitches. (Yes, I carry info like that around in my head.). And MC makes it sound like his getting into the HOF was an accident???

Run, LT, run. This guy's clueless.

Now I'm a wreck for some reason and ended up texting MC asking to call if he can (wouldn't be for at least another hour or two at very earliest, and of course H and D will be home then). But I'm just feeling that horrible transference ache in my chest that I haven't felt in a while. Maybe I'm just trying to qualify for the Hall of Fame early?

I should probably text him back in a half hour (so wouldn't be the same person's session, since he glances at his phone to see who's texting) and be like "Sorry, never mind."

Lol. But, no, he's very knowledgeable about baseball. He mentioned the record # of no-hitters thing. He just said his pitching wasn't controlled. I think he was trying to say even though he didn't perfect his technique, he was still good enough to get in the HoF.

Still not entirely sure how that ties into my fear of sharing intense feelings though...

That sounds so frustrating. And another 3 months till your next appointment? Ugh.

For the e-mail, just try typing and seeing what comes out. If it doesn't seem like what you want to say, delete and start again. If you can't figure out what to say, you could always just send an e-mail like 'I want to connect to you but am not sure what to say." Then maybe fill him in on your appointment?

I'm probably not the best person to give advice on this now since I was originally trying to just send MC a post-session e-mail, then kept breaking down while writing it and having trouble figuring out why, hence the "call me if possible" text...

Don't feel embarrassed! If your T had an issue with you contacting, then he would have said so. But he said it was OK. Write whatever comes to you.

I'm jealous of all of you who can email/text your T out of session. I can't even bring myself to ask.

It's a two-edged sword. I am glad CW doesn't go in for that.

I like the idea of typing and just seeing what comes out. I think it's the act of writing that's most helpful. You don't even have to send it if you don't want to. Or, if you do want a response, maybe something quick like. "Hi (name). My appointment was (adjective). I'm feeling (qualifier/intensifier + adjective). I'd appreciate a quick response to let me know you're there."

Sorry the appointment was lackluster, and that the Dr. was so late. At least he listened

I can see that. My attachment/transference would probably only be amplified if I could talk to T outside of session.

Thanks lovely couchies for the e-mail advice/support. I am gonna start typing it now and... see what happens.

I only write the first one - and usually I use the actual USPS rather than email. I write to tell the first one how she failed - not because I want the woman to respond. The second one I call.

I hope it helps. Let us know how things go.

This is how I was with literally every other T I have worked with. Never gave them a thought after session, and when I did, it's because they were terrible and unhelpful, and I told them so however I pleased.

I wish it was like that with my current T as well. This transference thing is miserable.

I saw M today and I asked him what he thought "processing" meant. But.... I don't remember the answer, not at all, just that it was a good one and that it felt very meaningful to me.

He had to cancel next week due to a family emergency so I will not see him again until June. He usually only allows out of session emails for scheduling. I am debating asking for a short rehash of the "processing" explanation. I really want it, it was a question that was burning all week, the answer was so right and helpful, but it's just vanished. At the same time, the idea of pushing this boundary is making me sick in a weird, sad way. Like I might vomit tears. I'm so angry with myself for forgetting. It was so important.

MC responded to my text saying "No worries" and that maybe we could talk (I assume via phone) after I see T on Wed. I said that should work, that I'm feeling calmer now. And was wondering if my reaction was because I felt really connected to him, then he mentioned the word "boundaries" right at the end of session, and I equate that with "taking things away." Not sure if he'll respond to that or not.

Also texted T saying now I wish I'd scheduled her for tomorrow instead (I'd said I wanted to try having day in between appointments). She said if anything opened up tomorrow, she'd let me know (she's done so before, so I trust her on that).

Edited to add: I sent another text to MC just saying "Yeah, let's talk after I see T. Thanks." He replied with another "No worries," but not sure if that was in response to boundary thing or the "thanks" because I think he was probably driving home in between there (he has a pretty long commute)