[AnxiousGirl]

Hey everyone. It's been a while since ive posted anything on here so I figured I might as well ask a question now. So my last appt with my therapist was around mid April. After that I had some stuff go on at home (nothing major) but stuff that would take away time from me going to my weekly sessions. Of course I emailed my T saying that there were stuff going on and I would email back once I knew I have time and stuff. The thing is, as time went on, I sort of forgot about therapy. I don't know why or how this happened. Like when I would tell myself okay I have time to go, I just wouldnt email. So 3 days ago my T emails me asking whats going on at home and then ends it off with a "hope you're doing okay!". I haven't even replied yet. Usually I'm the one sending the email first so if this happened like a few months back, I would reply to her in seconds because she barely emails me first.

I sort of enjoy the break to be honest (it's been exactly a month since I last went). I don't know if I want to email back or just keep it quiet for a few weeks or so. Mentally I'm not great, like ive had episodes happen like feeling sad, scared.. But I still didn't really feel like going because I knew I wouldnt be open enough.

Not sure if this is even a question or just a rant or something :P

But thanks in advance for those who read/reply!

[AllHeart]

While you don't owe your t any explanation or a response, you could shoot her back a quick email saying you are plugging along and may get back to her soon or something as such. Do whatever suits you.

[ruh roh]

I think it's great that you're taking time and listening to how you feel, before replying (when/if you decide to reply). That's a great way to make decisions.

[AnxiousGirl]

Thanks everyone. Do you think it's rude if I don't reply? I'm not sure what I would even say to her.

[LonesomeTonight]

Originally Posted by AnxiousGirl

Thanks everyone. Do you think it's rude if I don't reply? I'm not sure what I would even say to her.

It might be good to say something, so she doesn't worry. What about something like, "Thanks for checking in, I'm actually doing OK! I'll contact you if that changes."

[ruh roh]

Originally Posted by AnxiousGirl

Thanks everyone. Do you think it's rude if I don't reply? I'm not sure what I would even say to her.

I don't think it's rude to not reply, but there is also nothing wrong with saying I'm not sure how I'm doing, to be honest, so I'm just letting things rest for a while. It's really kind of you to ask. I'll let you know when I feel ready to schedule.

Or something along those lines--to acknowledge her email and admit that you're in an in between place right now and are okay with that.

[RainyDay107]

Originally Posted by AnxiousGirl

Hey everyone. It's been a while since ive posted anything on here so I figured I might as well ask a question now. So my last appt with my therapist was around mid April. After that I had some stuff go on at home (nothing major) but stuff that would take away time from me going to my weekly sessions. Of course I emailed my T saying that there were stuff going on and I would email back once I knew I have time and stuff. The thing is, as time went on, I sort of forgot about therapy. I don't know why or how this happened. Like when I would tell myself okay I have time to go, I just wouldnt email. So 3 days ago my T emails me asking whats going on at home and then ends it off with a "hope you're doing okay!". I haven't even replied yet. Usually I'm the one sending the email first so if this happened like a few months back, I would reply to her in seconds because she barely emails me first.

I sort of enjoy the break to be honest (it's been exactly a month since I last went). I don't know if I want to email back or just keep it quiet for a few weeks or so. Mentally I'm not great, like ive had episodes happen like feeling sad, scared.. But I still didn't really feel like going because I knew I wouldnt be open enough.

Not sure if this is even a question or just a rant or something :P

But thanks in advance for those who read/reply!

I told my T last week I decided to take a break from therapy. I told her that I would contact her when I was ready to return.

It sounds like you need a break to reflect on whether this T helps you? Give yourself time.

I am taking a therapy break for different reasons. I don't want to derail your thread. But I read in your post you sometimes felt like you didn't want to go. The same thing happened to me.

Be gentle with yourself and take your time.

[RainyDay107]

Originally Posted by AnxiousGirl

Thanks everyone. Do you think it's rude if I don't reply? I'm not sure what I would even say to her.

I think a brief reply is a good idea.

[AnxiousGirl]

Thanks for all the replies everyone. For some reason I just don't want to email back. I know that's not right and sort of mean seeing as T went out of her way to check up. I guess I'll just wait and see what happens. Thanks again.

[schofieldmichell]

Sometimes a step back from therapy is really healthy. I suggest an email back, a therapist invests there time as much as you do. Just a quick note to say your okay, would be appreciated.

[Mully]

You don't have to write back. However, if you are expecting to return whenever you feel like it, you may want to email back. She might fill your spot if you don't even indicate that you may want to return. Not to be malicious, but just because they may have a waitlist or whatever. I personally think it's really rude not to reply, but no, you don't owe her anything. I just don't like being "ignored", but that's my issue.

[Moment]

I think you know what will happen if you wait and see what happens. Your therapist will not contact you again, and life will go on for you much as it has been going.

I'm going to be the devil's advocate here. You said that "mentally, I'm not great." I think you should ask yourself if you're avoiding going to therapy because it would mean having to face problems in your life that you don't want to face and would rather just ignore. I am someone who spent a short time in therapy when I was younger and then decided I was "done." It was my decision to leave. Well, in retrospect, I can see that this was a big mistake for me. There were major issues in my life that would inevitably get explored more in therapy and I was scared and not ready to do that. Some could say that I went back to therapy and dealt with those issues when I *was* ready. And maybe that is so. Maybe I could not have done the work earlier. But dang, I wish back then someone had asked me to consider what I was doing more deeply, because if I had stayed with my therapist and faced these issues head-on, I could have avoided a lot of heartbreak.

I don't know you, or your situation, but I just wanted to be the one to say that sometimes a step back from therapy is *not* healthy. At least that's my opinion, based on my experience. I don't know you or what's right for you--maybe your therapist just doesn't click with you, maybe you don't need therapy right now, maybe you need therapy but just are not up to it, or a million other things. You might think on this some more. I wish you the very best no matter what you decide to do.

[AnxiousGirl]

Thanks for all of the replies. I really like to see how everyone has a different outlook on this.
Moment - I read your answer twice and I feel as though part of me is avoiding going back because it's sort of been nice not thinking about my issues and stuff that therapy brings up. Before the family stuff happened though I emailed my T saying I was ready to face the issues, but once I stopped going, I felt as though I don't want to anymore.

As for replying back, I'm going to do that now because I feel as though I should too. I'm going to tell T I just need maybe a few more weeks before I go back, this way she knows I'm going back.

Thanks again everyone.

[Moment]

Hey AnxiousGirl, I'm glad you're continuing to think on this one and that you are planning to go back.

In your original post, you said you didn't want to go and "I don't know how or why this happened." When it came to responding to your therapist, you said, "For some reason I just don't want to email back."

I would just urge you to consider that phrases like "I don't know" and "for some reason" are warning signs that we're avoiding thinking about something. Once I realized that, it really helped me start to articulate what some of my issues and fears were.

In my first therapy experience, when I was younger, I would often, often say "I don't know" when asked how I felt or why I was doing the things I was doing.

Now, in those kinds of situations, when I feel the urge to say "I don't know," I stop myself. I ask myself, "If I DID know, what would the answer be?"

I feel like before, I was walking through my life almost like a zombie, controlled by all kinds of issues that I just ignored and denied. Now I feel a lot better, almost more alert to what is going on in my own head and my life. And that makes it a lot easier to make changes I want to make. It's taken a lot of work. I have a good therapist. I hope yours is good and that you'll go back and learn some useful things about yourself.

[AnxiousGirl]

Originally Posted by Moment

Hey AnxiousGirl, I'm glad you're continuing to think on this one and that you are planning to go back.

In your original post, you said you didn't want to go and "I don't know how or why this happened." When it came to responding to your therapist, you said, "For some reason I just don't want to email back."

I would just urge you to consider that phrases like "I don't know" and "for some reason" are warning signs that we're avoiding thinking about something. Once I realized that, it really helped me start to articulate what some of my issues and fears were.

In my first therapy experience, when I was younger, I would often, often say "I don't know" when asked how I felt or why I was doing the things I was doing.

Now, in those kinds of situations, when I feel the urge to say "I don't know," I stop myself. I ask myself, "If I DID know, what would the answer be?"

I feel like before, I was walking through my life almost like a zombie, controlled by all kinds of issues that I just ignored and denied. Now I feel a lot better, almost more alert to what is going on in my own head and my life. And that makes it a lot easier to make changes I want to make. It's taken a lot of work. I have a good therapist. I hope yours is good and that you'll go back and learn some useful things about yourself.

I'm glad things are going so well for you! Thats nice to hear. I havent emailed back yet because again, I don't know what to write in the email. I mean I did have family stuff for the first 2 weeks but after that it was just an excuse not to go. Obviously I don't want to say it like that to my T because she's really nice and sweet. But thanks again! I will put an update when/if I decide to reply!

[laxer12]

Just a thought for you, don't feel like you have to over analyze every word in your response to your T. I always overthink emails and it takes me a long time to get it "just right" even if it's only a sentence or two.

You could say something simple like, "Hi T, Thanks for checking in. I'd like to wait a few more weeks before going back to therapy. I'll let you know when I'm ready."

That's all she really needs to not think that you're quitting forever. You have the choice to go back whenever you'd like but from what you're saying it sounds like you do think you want to go back or think it would be a good idea someday. Again, do it at your own pace but just be mindful of getting comfortable where you're at and like others have said, why you don't want to go.

[AnxiousGirl]

Originally Posted by laxer12

Just a thought for you, don't feel like you have to over analyze every word in your response to your T. I always overthink emails and it takes me a long time to get it "just right" even if it's only a sentence or two.

You could say something simple like, "Hi T, Thanks for checking in. I'd like to wait a few more weeks before going back to therapy. I'll let you know when I'm ready."

That's all she really needs to not think that you're quitting forever. You have the choice to go back whenever you'd like but from what you're saying it sounds like you do think you want to go back or think it would be a good idea someday. Again, do it at your own pace but just be mindful of getting comfortable where you're at and like others have said, why you don't want to go.

You're right. I always over analyze what I would reply to T because I always want it to be perfect. Just a question though, if I tell my T I want to wait a few more weeks what if I just never go back? I mean I'm not really over the issues that I need to face but it feels good not going (if that made sense).

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

It might be good to say something, so she doesn't worry. What about something like, "Thanks for checking in, I'm actually doing OK! I'll contact you if that changes."

I tend to agree with LT. she has taken the trouble to check up on you, which shows she cares. I understand that you perhaps need some time out, but at least let her know that. Please don't ignore her. You wouldn't like it if she just ignored you?

[AnxiousGirl]

Originally Posted by JoBo

I tend to agree with LT. she has taken the trouble to check up on you, which shows she cares. I understand that you perhaps need some time out, but at least let her know that. Please don't ignore her. You wouldn't like it if she just ignored you?

Yeah youre right. Im going to email her back now, thank you! I guess it's okay to ask for a bit of time off at least.

[AnxiousGirl]

Thanks everyone for the replies. I just emailed my T about an hour or so ago telling her i was fine and just needed a few more weeks before going back.

[Moment]

You write, "what if I just never go back? I mean I'm not really over the issues that I need to face but it feels good not going (if that made sense)."

The answer to that seems pretty simple. Your therapist will probably just let it go. You'll continue to struggle with your issues, just as you have been. You'll have the "good" feeling of not going...but continue to have the bad feeling of the issues that have got you down.

Therapy can be pretty uncomfortable at times, if we're trying to change entrenched patterns of thought and behavior. It takes work that can be unpleasant and even scary. It can be an investment, though, to do the work in the short-term if it is going to pay off in big ways in the long term.

It's your life, and only you can know how you feel and what's best for you. But if you say you're going to go in a few weeks, and do not, then you've made a choice and it would be good to have straight, in your own mind, your reasons for what you're doing.

[AnxiousGirl]

Originally Posted by Moment

You write, "what if I just never go back? I mean I'm not really over the issues that I need to face but it feels good not going (if that made sense)."

The answer to that seems pretty simple. Your therapist will probably just let it go. You'll continue to struggle with your issues, just as you have been. You'll have the "good" feeling of not going...but continue to have the bad feeling of the issues that have got you down.

Therapy can be pretty uncomfortable at times, if we're trying to change entrenched patterns of thought and behavior. It takes work that can be unpleasant and even scary. It can be an investment, though, to do the work in the short-term if it is going to pay off in big ways in the long term.

It's your life, and only you can know how you feel and what's best for you. But if you say you're going to go in a few weeks, and do not, then you've made a choice and it would be good to have straight, in your own mind, your reasons for what you're doing.

Thanks. I think realizing that I still have some hidden issues made me think that quitting is for sure not the answer. I just needed a small break, ive been going for a while so I feel as though taking this break has calmed me down a bit.

[Mully]

I think it's great that you emailed her- if only so that if you choose to return, you still have space available.

I just wanted to say, though, that you shouldn't feel any pressure to return if it doesn't feel right for now. Therapy is a choice, and it's not always right for everyone. Sometimes it's just not the right time in your life to deal with certain issues.

No one is perfect. We all, whether in therapy or not, struggle with issues. That's life!

When I was 17, I entered a particular therapy program. I quit, because it wasn't the right timing for a variety of reasons. I chose to go back three years later, when the symptoms and issues were to a point where I really felt I needed and wanted help. Since then, I've done therapy on and off when it made sense for me. When it didn't fit for my life- busy with life changes, or whatever, I took breaks. Some breaks were a year or two, others shorter. Even with the same therapist! Sometimes you just have to decide what you are ready for.

You've posted a lot in the past about feeling ambivalent to the process. I just wanted to let you know that it's ok! You don't have to do therapy right now if it's not working for you. It's not a right or wrong choice that you have to make. It's just what works for you in this moment. The choice you make today about doing therapy or not isn't a permanent thing. It's all about what works for you today. Enjoy your break, fill your life up with what fits for you now. You don't have to decide today when to go back- you will know if/when you are ready when the time comes!

Originally Posted by AnxiousGirl

Thanks everyone for the replies. I just emailed my T about an hour or so ago telling her i was fine and just needed a few more weeks before going back.

Well done. I bet you feel better for doing that. You can relax a bit. Look after you. xXx

[AnxiousGirl]

Thanks everyone. Just waiting for a reply from T (if she decides to haha).