[kaleidoscopeheart]

I have been seeing my T for almost 6 months and until now I have been holding back some. He is getting maybe 85% of the story. The other 15% is about sex and how I have been using it to punish myself....probably not healthy. Problem is that I can't seem to articulate that too him. I figure a big part of it is that he is a man, he's close to my age, and he is not unfortunate looking. I feel this is definitely something I need to address but can't seem to actually say it. How much can I or should I tell him? He is also our MC (he sees both my husband and I individually as well) so maybe it would be better to bring it up then?

*sigh*

I have no idea what to do.

[Victoria'smom]

Write it down on a index card and give it to him.

[jesswah]

It definitely sounds like something you are bringing up. If you can't say it, write it down for him to read.

[MBM17]

Good luck! I haven't experienced that problem so don't have any good advice. I've talked to my therapist about sex, but he's my parents' age and I'm not physically attracted to him, so it was WAY easier than what you're dealing with!!!!

[DodgersMom]

I have a somewhat similar debate, my post is in the relationship forum.... but anyway, I also have a man and am uneasy about bringing this topic up, however mine is lack of sex, lol. Not sure how relevant it is to my issues so I am still debating if its worth it.

I mean, if its something you really feel you should mention, then do it. Otherwise it is ok to keep some stuff private. Good luck

[kaleidoscopeheart]

So far this is my only problem with having a male T. The few times we have talked (very briefly) about sex has been fine. He seems completely at ease with the topic but I get very uncomfortable. I am wondering if emailing him the topic of the day would be helpful....

[LonesomeTonight]

Originally Posted by kaleidoscopeheart

So far this is my only problem with having a male T. The few times we have talked (very briefly) about sex has been fine. He seems completely at ease with the topic but I get very uncomfortable. I am wondering if emailing him the topic of the day would be helpful....

I'd recommend e-mailing--I've done that in the past first for difficult topics.

Do you think it would be easier or more difficult to talk about it with your H there? Like, does he know you're punishing yourself with it? If he doesn't know, might be easier to talk to T about with just the two of you first. Otherwise, you'd have to deal with both of their reactions at once. I say this as someone who is also in marriage counseling, as well as individual therapy (though with different T's). MC allows me to e-mail, so sometimes I would tell him about something in advance before bringing it up in session, which made it easier.

I find it very difficult to talk about sexual topics with MC, who is male and for whom I have some paternal transference. I find staring at the carpet while talking about it helps! It's also difficult to talk about with my female T though, so I think it's just a difficult topic in general because it's so personal.

[DodgersMom]

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

I'd recommend e-mailing--I've done that in the past first for difficult topics.


I find it very difficult to talk about sexual topics with MC, who is male and for whom I have some paternal transference. I find staring at the carpet while talking about it helps! It's also difficult to talk about with my female T though, so I think it's just a difficult topic in general because it's so personal.

pretty much yes to all this, i agree about emailing, i've done it too when i had to bring up my fear of becoming attached because i just couldn't in person.

also agree that it doesn't matter the gender as much, i think i'd feel this way either way.

i hope you find a way to bring it up if its really something you need to do. best of luck to you

[ruh roh]

It's hard to say how a therapist is going to handle things. Mine makes it seem like talking about car problems or something mundane, so in that way it's not awkward, but it also feels non-human and not worth even mentioning. I agree that you could bring it up in email and gauge how he handles it and how you feel about talking to him.