Couch 142 - Pope Hyginus' Final Resting Place (~Something in Latin~)

Elio · Jun 02, 2017, 03:31 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BlessedCheeseMaker

On point no 1-I think it is to punish myself I feel agreat deal of shame and guilt doing it but also pleasure
Point 2- I enjoy other sexual activities with and without varying degrees of guilt
Point 3- I am only aware of feeling "bad" but a childish bad I don't know how to explain it.
Mainly I was wanting some help with bringing this up. I think Demunies picture idea would work best maybe.

Yeah, my questions were to gather information. I think you might not need to be specific at first. You are doing a sexual act to punish yourself. Does he need to know the details or just knowing that you feel the need to punish yourself and fulfill that need through a sexual act verse say an ED, cutting, drug use, gambling...

Sorry for not keeping stories clear here. If you have some CSA in your past, there might be something linked there.

Elio · Jun 02, 2017, 03:35 AM

And yes, great job in finding the courage to step out of your comfort and share here. There should be no shame in sharing - but I know there can be. A while back I started using a soothing mechanism that I have only admitted to 1 person and that person is not my T but someone here.

Jun 02, 2017, 03:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Elio

Yeah, my questions were to gather information. I think you might not need to be specific at first. You are doing a sexual act to punish yourself. Does he need to know the details or just knowing that you feel the need to punish yourself and fulfill that need through a sexual act verse say an ED, cutting, drug use, gambling...

Sorry for not keeping stories clear here. If you have some CSA in your past, there might be something linked there.

Yes I think there is CSA I am not sure that I haven't made these up, I hardly ever mention it as i am not sure if it happened.

Jun 02, 2017, 03:44 AM

Ok that's a bit heavy....I had sweet potato, carrot and chickpea soup for tea. It was nicer than I imagined.

junkDNA · Jun 02, 2017, 07:04 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Squirrel1983

Healed, I feel for you. I too struggle with my MI. I not only have the mood side of it, which can be very difficult to manage, but I have hallucinations as well and get lost in my own little world when they happen where I loose track of reality going on around me. I will finally zone back in an have people staring at me like they are waiting for an answer to a question. I am not saying that I am in a worse place than you, because we each have our own struggles. Any MI is disabling and it is so stigmatized in America. I feel for the Christian community as well...my parents are of the view that all one has to do is "pray to God" to take away the illness and remove the demonic possession and I will be free. My response is always...so if you (dad) pray to God to take away your high blood pressure you will be healthy again too? To which I am told his is a real illness. Gee wiz. I go to church sometimes and have spoken to my pastor several times about my dad's remarks. Pastor's response is that God gave us modern medicine, so he is taking care of the illness in other worldly means. However, not everyone at my church feels this way... several times I have overheard other members talkign about the "crazies" who take psychiatric medications. *sigh*

tell those christian judgey people that if they wanna see real crazy, see us WITHOUT our psychiatric medications!!!

junkDNA · Jun 02, 2017, 07:05 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CantExplain

I read that if you ate nothing by MacDonald's burgers, you probably would not get scurvy.

there is a religion called Breathanarism (sp?) they 'eat' the sunlight only... but they also may eat very specific things from Mcdonalds menu. like coke and hamburgers. but yeah thats their whole diet. they live off of the sunlight

junkDNA · Jun 02, 2017, 07:07 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BlessedCheeseMaker

Ok I need to tell my t something, I don't really know if it's self harm, but what it difficult is that t is male and now we are discussing "that house" I do things like

Possible trigger:

I I use my vibrator to hurt myself and make myself bleed

it's bad enough tell you guys if feel weird. How should I approach this. ?

when i need to tell T something that i thnk is weird or embarrassing or i dont have the words to say it, i write it down and give it to him. i sometimes even say i want u to read this but i DO NOT want to discuss it yet- so at least T knows about it which makes me feel less alone. then i pick it up and talk about it at a later time when i am more comfortable with the fact that he knows

junkDNA · Jun 02, 2017, 07:48 AM

my mom is coming to visit this afternoon and stay the night. i am unsure as to how i feel about that but it is what it is (i hate that saying, idk why im using it)

here is a list of things i need to do today:

-shower
-wash the spare bedroom's sheets
-go to Verizon and get a new phone
-go to that grocery store i got hired at and fill out paperwork and pee in a cup...again..
-go to the bank and get a cashier's check for the rent
-call the NC courthouse and get my speeding citation # b/c i threw mine away
-pay my speeding ticket online
-be broke

Jun 02, 2017, 08:20 AM

I need to
Go to the grocery store because there is nothing in the house.
Dust
Give the dogs a bath
Wash the the dog bed
Clean the bathroom
Shower
Work from 12:30-5:00
I think only the dusting, shower and going to work is getting accomplished this AM.

captgut · Jun 02, 2017, 08:34 AM

I need to
- survive.

It's 8.36 pm here, so I'm almost done.

Also I need to hate myself. I'm good at it!

Jun 02, 2017, 09:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by captgut

I need to
- survive.

It's 8.36 pm here, so I'm almost done.

Also I need to hate myself. I'm good at it!

No, you should not hate yourself.
Not sure how much later it is now...and you're still surviving. Good job.

junkDNA · Jun 02, 2017, 09:54 AM

Hi all I got my new phone oooo shiny. The guy that helped me was cute!!

Elio- please PM me or text me because your number did not survive the transfer of info =[

Off to go pee in a cup

anais_anais · Jun 02, 2017, 09:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by captgut

I need to
- survive.

It's 8.36 pm here, so I'm almost done.

Also I need to hate myself. I'm good at it!

Want to do a relay race: since you survived yesterday, maybe I can survive today, and you can survive tomorrow?

I hated myself already today though, so it's not on my to-do list...

anais_anais · Jun 02, 2017, 09:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by junkDNA

Hi all I got my new phone oooo shiny. The guy that helped me was cute!!

Elio- please PM me or text me because your number did not survive the transfer of info =[

Off to go pee in a cup

The last time I got a phone (uhh a while ago...) the sales guy was like "so, I've got you settled with the phone. But what can I do for you...... personally?

ICK ICK ICK ICK ICK ICK ICK ICK ICK ICK ICK ICK

I'm pretty sure my uterus climbed all the way up to my throat
Sort of like that "nope" octopus gif

Jun 02, 2017, 10:00 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by anais_anais

The last time I got a phone (uhh a while ago...) the sales guy was like "so, I've got you settled with the phone. But what can I do for you...... personally?

ICK ICK ICK ICK ICK ICK ICK ICK ICK ICK ICK ICK

I'm pretty sure my uterus climbed all the way up to my throat

Sort of like that "nope" octopus gif

Eww gross. But I'm a side note, I'd never seen that GIF before, so thanks for that laugh.

junkDNA · Jun 02, 2017, 10:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by anais_anais

The last time I got a phone (uhh a while ago...) the sales guy was like "so, I've got you settled with the phone. But what can I do for you...... personally?

ICK ICK ICK ICK ICK ICK ICK ICK ICK ICK ICK ICK

I'm pretty sure my uterus climbed all the way up to my throat
Sort of like that "nope" octopus gif

His name was Starling and he likes its always sunny in Philadelphia so I'm pretty sure we r soulmates

captgut · Jun 02, 2017, 10:04 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by anais_anais

Want to do a relay race: since you survived yesterday, maybe I can survive today, and you can survive tomorrow?

I hated myself already today though, so it's not on my to-do list...

I'm sure you can! Let's do it!

Jun 02, 2017, 10:06 AM

So guys I'm kind of* freaking out. I have my dr appointment in 4 hours and I don't want to go because I'm just going to get more bad news and what's the point? I'm never going to have kids. Why am I wasting all of this time and money? I want to cry.

*Obvious understatement is obvious.

velcro003 · Jun 02, 2017, 10:10 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by junkDNA

there is a religion called Breathanarism (sp?) they 'eat' the sunlight only... but they also may eat very specific things from Mcdonalds menu. like coke and hamburgers. but yeah thats their whole diet. they live off of the sunlight

uhhhh.....

There aren't enough emoticons for me to accurately display my utter bewilderment at this.

Quote:

Originally Posted by junkDNA

my mom is coming to visit this afternoon and stay the night. i am unsure as to how i feel about that but it is what it is (i hate that saying, idk why im using it)

I also hate that statemet SO MUCH. It is so non-sensical.

Quote:

Originally Posted by anais_anais

The last time I got a phone (uhh a while ago...) the sales guy was like "so, I've got you settled with the phone. But what can I do for you...... personally?

ICK ICK ICK ICK ICK ICK ICK ICK ICK ICK ICK ICK

I'm pretty sure my uterus climbed all the way up to my throat
Sort of like that "nope" octopus gif

What in the ever loving (insert swear word)!?!?

I don't even know how I would react to that.

UnderRugSwept · Jun 02, 2017, 10:19 AM

My father says "it is what it is" allllll the time.

I am at the chiropractor waiting & unfortunately listening to The View yammer away again. Meh.

atisketatasket · Jun 02, 2017, 10:22 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by junkDNA

there is a religion called Breathanarism (sp?) they 'eat' the sunlight only... but they also may eat very specific things from Mcdonalds menu. like coke and hamburgers. but yeah thats their whole diet. they live off of the sunlight

I just had to Google this. Specifically, the guy says the only thing safe to eat are double quarter pounder with cheese value meals with a Diet Coke drink.

Why? Those are the only foods that are not radioactive.

He also sells $10K bottles of water (asked if that wasn't a bit steep, responded "you don't know what's in this water"), offers $1 million immortality workshops, and has Messianic delusions.

Hey, una...how much does the church of unaluna charge for a bottle of water?

captgut · Jun 02, 2017, 10:25 AM

T said today... "You're taking your meds and you're feeling better"
And I didn't say that I quitted my meds :/ AGAIN
I hate myself. I feel guilty. But I just can't. He'd be disappointed.

velcro003 · Jun 02, 2017, 10:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by atisketatasket

I just had to Google this. Specifically, the guy says the only thing safe to eat are double quarter pounder with cheese value meals with a Diet Coke drink.

Why? Those are the only foods that are not radioactive.

He also sells $10K bottles of water (asked if that wasn't a bit steep, responded "you don't know what's in this water"), offers $1 million immortality workshops, and has Messianic delusions.

Hey, una...how much does the church of unaluna charge for a bottle of water?

wow. I can't imagine how he has any followers in his cult. Only rich, vulnerable people?

Quote:

Originally Posted by captgut

T said today... "You're taking your meds and you're feeling better"
And I didn't say that I quitted my meds :/ AGAIN
I hate myself. I feel guilty. But I just can't. He'd be disappointed.

I think the disappointmet is probably greater in you than your T. I think your T would want to know the truth.

junkDNA · Jun 02, 2017, 10:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by captgut

T said today... "You're taking your meds and you're feeling better"
And I didn't say that I quitted my meds :/ AGAIN
I hate myself. I feel guilty. But I just can't. He'd be disappointed.

Just tell him please. He can't help you if he doesn't know what's going on

junkDNA · Jun 02, 2017, 10:48 AM

Waiting on her to swab my mouth lol

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Couch 142 - Pope Hyginus' Final Resting Place (~Something in Latin~)

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