[granite1]

my T hurt me so much yesterday in therapy. i checked out and was so completely frozen .i couldnt move . i didnt want to move . i had to hold myself together . i have not felt this way in a long time . i was lost and felt trapped ,i could do nothing right . i was terrified .it seemed like she was just like the mother .out to shame me and make me feel miserable .she has said i do this to myself. i dont think i do . im still so hurt i feel she hates me and i cant even tell her that .

[rainbow8]

Originally Posted by granite1

my T hurt me so much yesterday in therapy. i checked out and was so completely frozen .i couldnt move . i didnt want to move . i had to hold myself together . i have not felt this way in a long time . i was lost and felt trapped ,i could do nothing right . i was terrified .it seemed like she was just like the mother .out to shame me and make me feel miserable .she has said i do this to myself. i dont think i do . im still so hurt i feel she hates me and i cant even tell her that .

How did your T hurt you? The clue is "it seemed like she was just like the mother." That's transference. Your T is not ANYTHING like the mother. Your adult self knows she doesn't hate you. I think it would be productive to tell her you hate her. She will understand it's really about the mother, not her. Your feelings are all part of therapy. It will get better. Hang in there! Hugs.

[Moment]

Why can't you tell her that? It seems like that is the most important thing to tell her.

[unaluna]

Granite, im so sorry you feel badly.

But - you dont feel that way when you talk to the mother, do you? Youre not in touch with those feelings then. You always think things can be okay, that you can rise above. Those feelings go into hiding and cause weird motivations and get all confused.

With your t, those feelings are pure and clear and uncomplicated. They didnt have a voice when you were little, but maybe you can give them a voice now. Give them and yourself a life now. Then they really can be put to rest. But let them out first.

[here today]

I'm inclined to agree with unaluna. I felt shamed and put down and explored by my last T and, yes, I was. But what was such a big deal about it? Why and how did get so upset? AND I didn't really have the words or the understanding that that was how I felt at the time.

Are you afraid of anything that might happen if you tell her how you feel? What is the terror about? Maybe you could talk to her about the fear first?