My Friday Session

In classic Pink-style, I gave him the poem about the weird fantasy-type thing exactly 7 minutes before the end of the session.

I hand it to him and tell him he better not read slowly. He takes the poem and sees that the font is really light, so then he has to stop and fiddle around in his pocket for his glasses which is prolonging the entire thing. Then he puts on his glasses and I almost die because the whole erotic transference thing gets just a little bit worse when he wears his glasses. He used to wear them all the time and then months and months ago he stopped and I was all disappointed, like something significant was missing. This was the first time I had seen him with glasses since then.

So then he reads it and afterwards I explain the fantasy and I'm so nervous that my hands are shaking. He says, "This is very interesting." And I flatly said, "Interesting. Like a science experiment." And he said, "No. Interesting is an interesting word.... but it's interesting how unsafe you feel in here talking about such a safe moment that you had." And of course he's right because I'm trying to tell him about this really lovely, taken-care-of moment that invovled him, but meanwhile while I'm actually with him, I'm nearly having a panic attack.

It was a pretty good session. He talked a lot. I sad, "You're in rare form today." He said, "Yeah, maybe I shouldn't have had that cup of coffee before the session." lol

We talked about playing in therapy, not like playing with toys, but playing in the sense of how Winnicott says that therapy is an overlap of the therapist and patient playing together. T told me that I play all the time in session, but I was having a hard time grasping that concept. Then I tried to tell him something without really telling him directly and he said, "See? You just played." I did? He said, "The times in which you are being creative in therapy, trying to talk about things in ways so that aren't telling me directly-- that is one form of playing in therapy. Sometimes it can be just like a game." Ahhh, then I got it. Or at least that aspect of it. And I think that's fascinating, the whole notion of playing in therapy.

We talked a lot about the Lithium and my feelings and confusion about taking it. He helped me to see that I am in a safe situation to begin taking it, if that's what I decided-- meaning not only do I have him as support, but I have a good psychiatrist that I can talk with. He also helped me to see what I really want, which is to try it. We talked about the worst case scenario, and then what would be the worst thing after that, and so on... and I interrupted him and said, "You're getting cognitive aren't you?" And he goes, "Yeah. You don't like it, do you?" Haha I miss him. Next session is going to be on Saturday.

"You're getting cognitive aren't you?" And he goes, "Yeah. You don't like it, do you?" -- that's playing too! The "bantering" is really good, fun playing.

That does sound like a good session! I'm glad he was able to reassure you about the lithium, when are you going to start? I always feel good doing the worst case scenario thing; makes me feel like the "worst" isn't very, or at least isn't something I can't handle.

Pink, I'm glad you got things sorted.

Glad it went so well and helped you so much.

I'm laughing at the cognitive comment !!!!!!!!