What would you do if you suspected your t was an alcoholic

Kashi has an addiction history so it is always in the back of my mind. If he does slip into it again (he has not since I have known him) then I would say that I noticed that he seemed unwell or different. If he relapsed I would hope i would have the strength to walk away until he was clean again.

It would be reasonable to worry if your t has a problem whether illness or addiction. You can ask in a caring and concerned way as others have said.

It is very strange and she is the only t I know who doesn't care about her appearance. In a way that drew me to her. She is the exact opposite of ex t, who used to wear bright red lipstick, dye her hair pitch black and be dolled up to the nines.
I liked that she was so natural and didn't have anything to hide, so I thought. I liked her because she didn't care what anybody else thought about her. She was ok being the strange woman with the Wiley hair who lives in the mountain. She was kind of a white witch. She knows things about me before I tell her, it's like she looks through your soul and perhaps the burden of that is too much and so she drinks. I don't mind if she drinks I would be more worried about her health and why she was drinking so much. I am afraid to ask her if she is ok because I don't want to cross her boundaries. We are both very respectful of boundaries and privacy with each other!
It doesn't bother me how she dresses although it is very peculiar. I often wondered if she was buried in the woods for years and suddenly rose up again. Her clothes are very unique and that's ok with me. It is unusual for therapists to dress like her and to really not care. They tell other people not to care but really they do care, that's why they dress up, it's to compensate for their insecurities!
I do need to look after my therapists, it really became clear with ex t! I haven't noticed with this t until now because she has never said anything personal.

Exactly, that's just it! It isn't my business but I am concerned about her. I feel a need to ask her if she is ok. I really just need to know that she is ok, I couldn't bare having to look after this t like ex t. I have no doubt in my mind that this would not allow it. She has very strong boundaries which have been very helpful.
I am sorry you had to go through all of that. It must be really hard hiding your drinking. I imagine it's like having a double life.
I don't want to confront her, I want to help her. Did anyone ever confront you about your drinking and was it helpful?
I imagine confrontation is not helpful but supporting them is.
Yeah she is like someone from Anne of Green gables with messy hair.


This is a possibility too! Thank you

Thanks. Yes it was certainly the hardest thing I had ever done, living that lifestyle of drinking secretly. I did try to keep up with appearances so most people did not suspect me from that, more from the secrecy, not showing up, wildly fluctuating motivation and work performance etc. But I am not aware that anyone suspected drinking per se, more just that I was very weird and something must have been wrong. I did very well with the hiding and I am not aware that anyone had ever knew, except one person that I was sharing my apartment with for a while. I hid it from her also for the most part but sometimes that was just not possible and she confronted me once. I of course lied at first and denied it but then could not carry the guilt and admitted it to her. It was just one ~30 min conversation and never more. I did not find the confrontation helpful, it just made me more careful and secretive about hiding.

I also admitted it once to a work colleague, who was affected by it because of my messy performance. She never guessed it (at least did not tell me) but she knew I had bursts of serious depression and anxiety. I told her about the drinking when I already quite successfully. She was very understanding and supportive.

People do organized interventions, but I don't think most of those are useful if the addict is not ready to change the habit. I definitely can't imagine it being very comforting/helpful from a client, but perhaps this is just me. In general, with addiction, really no amount of support and compassion can help or change anything if the addict is not ready to quit and seriously work on it.

I would not confront my therapist about any of their personal issues whether it's an illness, substance abuse, personal problems etc. If their problems start manifesting themselves in therapy then I would confront them about things they do as a therapist that don't work for me. Then I'd make my own decision of it's time for me to stop seeing them. Beyond that I wouldn't go into discussing anything that has to do with them personally. It's up to them to figure that out. It's also appropriate for their family members, friends, colleagues, therapists to show them some "tough love" and to let them know that they need help. It's not my place to do that. My relationship with them is professional and so I can only confront them about things they are doing professionally.

Well, maybe she is really just very individualistic and does not care about appearances and what others think of her very much. I am very much like that myself and, while I do have a fashion sense (my own way) and enjoy being groomed and dressing in interesting ways, it's far from formal and what my apparent roles might expect from me. This is just default, my nature, with a sober and reasonably healthy mindset.

You say that she is quite insightful - is that something you find helpful? If so, perhaps try to leave her alone about her things and focus on you? If she is like what you are describing: peculiar, gentle, with penetrating perception, not caring about appearances and more into deeper things - it is indeed very unlikely that she would even react to a confrontation or would engage in your caring needs. I am now aware that I am projecting here, but from a lot of things you have shared about this T, I do relate to her quite a bit.

This sounds like interesting therapy material to me. Is asking her about her appearance really crossing a boundary? Sometimes I think the client's superego is creating these 'boundaries' and it's more about the client's state of mind than about the Ts boundaries. (I don't know if this is true with you-but this is something I noticed here in general.)

I also say that because I talk about this sort of thing with my T alot. I ask him why he dressed differently, hair, etc. He knows I'm really affected by his appearance. And often it says more about me than it does him. He doesn't let on about his personal reasons most of the time, and we explore my feelings about it. His boundary is simply not telling me what he doesn't want to tell me. I'm free to talk about what I want. Those are the therapy boundaries. Anything's game.

Given your descriptions, I'd be afraid the T who I once thought was strong seems weaker to me. It would prompt feelings about my safety. I'm in psychodynamic therapy, so these types of conversations are common. Aside from therapy material, I do think it's more than appropriate to tell a client if something in their personal life has a high possibility of impacting the therapy.

I understand people work differently but wanted to share how we explore these issues in my therapy. You might be telling yourself it's not ok, while she may respond with concern and interest. You don't know unless you ask, but I can understand if you or others would be uncomfortable with asking.