The Couch 145 : I Stubbed My Toe On the Sofa.... COUCH!

(((Granite))) I hope you're okay!!

Hi couch. I am at C's. He keeps asking to go to the zoo but they are not open yet. But we will go when they do. He keeps asking about Target too, so we will stop by there as well. He likes walking around Target and Walmart. Lol. Now he just asked to go to CVS. Haha. Guess we will go there as well.

I did a bad bad thing yesterday. Haven't done that in years. Honestly it felt amazing but I feel pretty guilty and worried. Do I want to do it again? Hell yeah!!! But I must not. I just cannot. It will ruin everything. I hope I can be stronger about it

i got a job interview today, maybe some hope for me?

Art, That's a really rough session. None of what I am about to write is to excuse some of the things she said or did (telling you to stew in your own juices, the heavy sighing, and so on). But was her saying that you were not present all that it took to flip your switch? If so, then the session sounds like it was helpful in bringing things up to the surface to work with.

I'm just sorry she didn't really have any way to work with the material. That's really troubling--although I am really far removed and have no way to gauge her skill level, so take it for what it's worth, which is not much.

Anyway, it sounds like a painful, but productive session to me. Whenever I have an out of proportion reaction to something my therapist does, I try to look at what I'm really reacting to. It's just a guess, but my first impression was that you went in there feeling good about your trajectory in life and she made an observation that burst your bubble, maybe felt like a criticism or put down or something else...an old feeling that keeps you down. And you fought back. That's what I think is the good part. But I would look at it as fighting back against that old messaging, not so much your therapist who is a stand in for old scenarios.

Bottom line. You really can leave therapy whenever you choose, or you can continue, or you can take breaks and make it look like whatever you want to. And it does sound like she is okay with that. From what you reported, she didn't say...don't come back or good riddance. Her attitude was patronizing (stew in your own juices), but that's her issue. Your strength comes from being centered in yourself and not letting other people unbalance you.

Good luck!!!!

Jukebox hero

@@ - for some reason your showering post did not make it onto my feed! I'm glad you are okay! And yay for progress!

Stay strong, JD. It's OK that you slipped up that time, but don't keep going down that path. You can get through it. You can do this...

Thank you ruh roh I appreciate your insights. Very helpful!

Oh my god

He didn't say anything. I guess that's good

Still at C's guys. The behavior tech that works with him in the afternoon comes at 2:30. Little over an hour left. We went to the zoo. We stayed an hour and a half before he asked to leave. We rode the train. We fed the giraffes and deer. Tried to feed the birds but they were out of seed sticks and the nectar cups freak C out. Then we went to CVS to spend my rewards bucks and pick up some vitamins his mom needed. The. We went through the Chic Fila drive-thru and brought it home to eat. Now we are chilling inside the cool house. Oh and C got 2 cars at CVS. A firetruck and a beetle. I got his cars and a bunch of other stuff I needed for $10. I paid for his mom's sepatately with money she left. Busy day. But the zoo was fun.

2 hours until I leave to see t. Half afraid t is going to want to send me to the hospital or talk about intensive out patient again.

ATAT -The tree in and of itself would not bother me but dressed like a nymph or elf or other mythical woodland creature would get one of them taken straight off the list.

I hope you are okay from the glass.

Looks like I am going to Belgium after all

The excitement hasn't hit yet....

I gotta figure out how to get a month's worth of stuff into a carry-on-sized bag but hey, last year I lived out of one of those things for three months

Awesome anais!

Squirrel, watching a squirrel run around the yard right now and thought of you.

@CE would be wonderful if any of these groups had HR. I could complain to the personnel manager but it's a sure way to never get called again. I know someone who submitted a conduct complaint last year and she hasn't showed up on a personnel list since. One of the aspects I hate the most about my work.

Who's CE? No offense CE.

I'm exhausted bc I can't sleep bc I can't stop thinking about BT....i just want to cry all the time

(((Bay)))

CantExplain

Thanks. Duh me. I know you CE, I just never thought to call you CE.

Thinking a lot about this. Old stuff - yes. It was almost like she was channeling my mother. Why couldn't I see that yesterday? Hell yeah I fought back, something I never did when I was younger. Not even college-age. Go me for that.

But I'm still sad about the rest of it. Not mad anymore, that burned itself out, but sad that what had been a very healing therapy relationship now feels irretrievably broken. And I don't feel any impetus to fix it.

Sad.

I'm having a not very patient day at work. I said something semi-snarky (okay, 100% snarky) to various members of another unit. Waiting for the other shoe to drop from that one. . .