The Couch 145 : I Stubbed My Toe On the Sofa.... COUCH!

i never tried it until last year haha. it was ok. if you really look at the stuff in that aisle, the canned meat. the ingredients and stuff. it's pretty gross . but Spam seems to be good quality. im talking about the cheap stuff you see like Potted Meat, canned sausage, etc

Can I go to bed yet

The text I sent to t yesterday reads like I was drunk with all the spelling mistakes in it.

I'm thinking that maybe I e-mailed MC to give me something to stress about instead of the mammogram...(and future pelvic ultrasound). Like, it's safer to worry about whether he'll respond and what he'll say--because I'm pretty sure he'll say that what I said is OK, based on past e-mails and things he's said. But I have no way of knowing whether anything will come out of the mammogram--no control there. Still, I'll worry about whether/how he'll respond anyway...

I almost want to e-mail him to tell him that, but I suspect he realizes it. And I don't want to send another holiday e-mail. I'll just mention it to T tomorrow. As I said to her before, the way my mind is, I'm going to obsess about *something.* It's just that some things are better and/or safer than others to obsess about...

My ex keeps talking to me. Yesterday it took me all day to listen to an hour lecture. I am now a week behind in my course and it's stressing me out.

I used to hate mammagrams because they could never get enough breast material but I haven't had one in over 20 years

If you know MC will say it's OK etc.. Why email? Not trying to be mean because I've certainly done it too. Is it just the connection factor? Knowing he's still there and still thinking of you?

ME! It's been going on for about a week and really bad today. No matter what I eat, I pretty much pass out afterward. I'm trying to drink more water to see if it's a hydration thing. It seems to help...until I eat again.

Thanks. I have the same issue. I had no idea that long spans with no food would do this. I'd think it would give me energy. Hunh.

I can thank my T for explaining that to me haha. Not that it changed my ways...

I get the same way. I could literally fall asleep after eating. But if I can ride it out it passes

Evening couch. I am home and fed. I got Chinese take-out on the way home and ate that and am now caught up on the couch.

A few fireworks have already gone off and it isn't even dark yet. Poor resident dog is pacing around the house already. This is not going to be a fun night.

I still need to clean. I tried last night but ended up zoning out several times and then falling asleep for real. I don't remember when I laid down or what time I last saw the clock. I slept until about 7 this morning, then I laid in bed and stared at the ceiling until it was time to get dressed and leave for CVS. Weird.

I have T tomorrow morning, pdoc tomorrow afternoon, and CVS in the evening. Going to be a busy day. Little frightened after what I emailed pdoc (no more emails just the original ones) about what he will say. It is what it is though I guess.

I get that same way after eating. Always have no matter what I eat. But lately I've been sleeping more than normal anyway so it kinda is just fitting into my routine of taking like 4 naps a day when I'm not at work.

I'd just like to add this -- I now remember that I once had this happen to me close to the end of my session (I'd eaten dinner right before session).

I told current T about it -- she said therapy is "holding you (me) up" and my body was trying to tell me that without it, I'd be.........falling apart.

Let it never be said that therapy is boring.

Uhhhhh lol

Yeah man. Yeah. You're the therapist right? Yeah. I know what you mean!!

It's a pretty common fantasy to want to move in with T.

More fireworks. Hopefully they will not last till the wee hours of the morning. It is the holiday though, so it will probably be worse tonight than previous nights I heard them.

I need to take my evening meds. I failed to take them last night (I also just realized I failed to take my morning meds this morning). Silly squirrel.

Ugh! Lots of fireworks now. Boom Boom Boom Boom Boom. Argh!

The fireworks are going off but they don't bother me or my dogs. I just hope they end quickly enough for me to sleep at a decent hour. I'm already laying in bed chilling out. Back to work tomorrow after a nice 4 day weekend.

I made this painting today, called "Swelling Rage." Happy 4th!

I love that, Velcro. Really excellent.

Very nice velcro!

I think part of it is that, the connection factor. In this case, it was also that I realized there was stuff I hadn't brought up in session yesterday because of his wife. So it was partly to be like, "Oh, now I understand why you weren't planning to tell us about her passing." Like, 6 months later, I get it. And I also included, as an addendum, an apology for asking for so much that time, like challenging him about the relationship, wanting to be sure he understood why his not planning to tell us hurt me, etc. When now, as I said in the second e-mail, I realize I should have dealt with that in other ways, like with T. Not made him deal with my reaction to his loss. I think I've been holding on to some of that guilt, for being selfish (even though, yeah, it's supposed to be about the clients, not the T). So part of this is trying to let that go.

I think part of it, too, is that I've been really struggling with some stuff--fear of mammogram results, my own mortality, etc.--in the past week, and it's affected things with H, so it would have been a natural thing to bring up in session. But I avoided it, because of his wife, and I realized that wasn't what I should be doing.

Yeah, I could have just talked about it all next session. And that may well be what we end up doing. But sometimes, I find myself feeling upset because I need to get something out, whether to MC, H, T, someone else. Like I'm really emotional about it. Then I get it out and...suddenly, I'm OK. This was one of those things.

But I need to come up with other ways of dealing with those feelings. For the record, I did manage to not e-mail him last week!

That's amazing, Velcro--you're very talented!

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