The Couch 145 : I Stubbed My Toe On the Sofa.... COUCH!

One of my family traditions that I love and continue... Homemade potato salad for the 4th!

Here's the ultimate question, though, art. Mayo or mustard based?

Mayo based but I put mustard in it, just to be confusing. No, my Dad always made his dressing with vinegar, but I don't like the smell, so I started using mustard instead of vinegar in my dressing. It's just as good!

Omg. I am at a minute clinic in CVS...the person in front of me is turning this into an HOUR clinic. And I want to scream. My ear hurts. I just want to get this over with.

At wing place. Sort of packed. All inside tables taken so I am on the covered patio. It is happy hour. That might explain why so croweded this early. Nice breeze this evening otherwise it would be too hot to sit outside.

If someone needs that much attention they need a real dr. Grr. I admit I also have no patience with waiting for things like this. Move it along, people.

This is an acceptable answer. Carry on

Home. I ate all my fries and half my wings. Brought the other wings home. They reheat well, fries do not (which why I ate all of them).

Had texts from dad when I got home saying I needed to come over for the holiday tomorrow. Texted back that I was working all day. His response, come afterwards. Ummm.....no! I will be tired, too tired to deal with his and my step-mom's crap about my weight and appearance. I do not need that right now. I texted back that I would be worn out and don't want to be on the road too late on a holiday.

Now to get into cleaning gear. I am fed, so I can't use hunger as an excuse anymore.

I understand now generally why it can often be better for T's not to reveal that much about themselves and their lives. And specifically why MC wasn't going to share stuff about his wife's illness or passing. Because I realized today that I was avoiding bringing stuff up in there because of stuff he'd dealt with. Which...probably isn't a good thing for therapy. Ended up sending him an e-mail telling him what I was avoiding talking about, and how I get it now, why he didn't want to share (despite sharing a lot of other stuff about his life...) Hope he's OK with the e-mail, which I'd initially intended to be about something else, but then as I was typing, I started crying, and the other stuff came pouring out. (Didn't even end up addressing the original thing.)

Laid down for a moment and zoned out. I didn't fall asleep....I just zoned out. It was weird. I don't remember anything during the 30 minutes I was laying down. Spooky.

I still need to clean....no more zoning out Squirrel.

Holy crapola. I just was in the bathroom where there is more light than my room and I have a ton of gray hair. It just shines through the brown. Well okay, maybe not a ton, but more than I used to and so much that it is noticeable and I no longer have to seek them out. Heh. I am only 34....I'm not supposed to have gray hair yet. Lol.

I did a thing

I cleaned my bathroom. You inspired me. You and jimmy johns - i lost my excuse too!

Just checked my school billing account. The additional money I took out was issued to me today. Now just to wait for it to make it into the bank. Then to go computer shopping. I'll be like a little kid.

It's almost 8pm. I still haven't cleaned. I keep moving one or two things then laying down and zoning out. I guess I need to stop laying down.

Ugh!!! The fireworks are starting again.

How many days exactly is it since your shot? Maybe your pdoc should prescribe single pills to tide you over, if you are going to drop like a rock like this at the end.

Welp, I was a waste of space in therapy today. I literally spent the entire session hiding behind my hands and/or pillow. I am so exhausted, and yet anxious-filled, and I am over life.

Sooo... It's past 1am and I should really just go to sleep, but I've written an absolutely epic email to T. Should I send it? Given that...

We've never discussed whether it's okay for me to email him about anything other than practical stuff. I have done, twice, when I've had to miss sessions with him. We specifically agreed that those emails were okay. We never talked about whether it's okay to do it in general. Given my loving/obsessive feelings about him, I don't want to freak him out... Also, I don't pay him very much. Seriously. I dunno if I pay him enough to read very long rambly emails. But I do want to send it.

Should I send it? And... Does anyone want to read it and tell me what they think? I could PM it?

...or should I just bloody go to sleep?

LZ - why not? If you're OK with the possibility of being told that it wasn't OK to send the email, why not take the risk?

Their regular babysitter took the twins for the afternoon so I could get some proofs read. They're due back in about twenty minutes, and we are baking July 4 cookies tonight. I sense the kitchen will require a LOT of cleaning later on.

Thanks ATAT. I guess that is the important question here - whether I'm okay with the possible 'rejection' of his ignoring the email or asking me not to do it anymore. Right now I feel like that risk is worth it, but I may not when it comes down to it...

Bah. I think I'm gonna sleep on it. That's always a good idea.

Enjoy your baking!

You should invite me over for dinner sometime. Just saying.

If you really want someone to read the email, I'd do it for you.

Thanks Daisy

If you reply and I don't reply to your reply, it's cos I've gone to sleep! I just said 'reply' a lot of times.

I say send it, Luco, but then, I tend to send epic e-mails to T and MC. He seemed receptive to your other e-mails, so I think it's OK. But as you said, no harm in sleeping on it.

June 7th was my last shot. They never last long enough. Last time they weren't lasting long enough, we increased to the next dose up, but then I was lactating, so we had to drop it back down. My insurance will not cover what I am currently on anymore anyways, as we are still trying to decide whether to make the switch to what they will cover. I am all for it as maybe it would work better, pdoc is a little hesitant about it though. Hopefully, he will be more decisive on Wednesday.