[lauren_helene]

If that is possible!

Part of me can't wait to see T and practically hug him because my weekend with dad went fabulously!!! Somehow having my brother and mom come with me in sessions has changed the whole family. I know the information has passed to my dad, that is how this dysfunctional family works...

My dad was his old self though, we laughed and teased each other, had the same debates over and over. Finally at the end when I was taking him back to the airport I told my dad I loved him and that I know he did the best he could and that the best part of me and what I have achieved is because of him.

I had my arm reached out to him, he was in the backseat with my son. He held my hand...and didn't let go. He had tears in his eyes and said 'really honey, you mean that?' I am not kidding...my dad a real life Tony Soprano actually said those words, tears in mine which never happens. Yes, I was driving and wondering how I was managing to do both.

Then when he got out of the car he turned and looked at me and actually said this:

"that therapist you see, I hear he's a good guy, both your brother and mother liked him, give him a chance to help you, don't push him away like you do to me sometimes"

That did it...I froze.

My dad hates therapists...doesn't believe in the whole concept so I thought... He used to say 'if they cure you they don't make money anymore so you're never cured'...

What happened to my real dad? who is this person?

The guy at the airport started banging on my window and saying GO! I had to start going but my head was in a fog the entire way home...

Some of you will find this weird but I am 37 and it doesn't matter. My dad still thinks I am 16 and will always be checking out who is in my life one way or another...I guess this is why the other two came to the sessions with me.

It worked we're all starting to talk more now and we'll see how it goes.

I'm sad because I feel T is not connected to me WHY IS THIS? WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?

[Perna]

It sounds like it is hard for you right now straddling the T/father divide? They're so different.

With regards to your father not liking therapists; mine didn't either and I only learned well into therapy that my mother, who'd had grand mal seizures from her brain tumor, was sent to a psychiatrist first, because everyone said it was "all in her head." This was back in the 1940s when brain tumors weren't understood and there was no CT or MRI scans yet, etc. So I can understand now how my father got to not liking "shrinks" :-) It was always hard for me to remember that older people had whole lives before we were even born and their experiences were quite different from ours. I'm only beginning to understand that now as I get older (I'll be 57 next month) and look at my stepchildren now and what they ask/say.

I'm glad your family is talking together better, that's part of why you entered therapy isn't it? That's good. I think the feeling of separation from your T is temporary and will resolve?

[lauren_helene]

I messed up the direct quote a bit but you get the point...

[sunrise]

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almeda24fan said:
my weekend with dad went fabulously!!!

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That is fantastic!! I am so happy for you.

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Somehow having my brother and mom come with me in sessions has changed the whole family.

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Your T is going to be tha-rilled to hear this. You are gonna make his day. That's what his work is all about (he's a family therapist, right?).

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"that therapist you see, I hear he's a good guy, both your brother and mother liked him, give him a chance to help you, don't push him away like you do to me sometimes"

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Whoa! That sounds like a message you'd hear in a dream, but you got it in real life! How do you feel about that? Do you think you will take that advice?

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What happened to my real dad? who is this person?

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Maybe you are now seeing the real dad. Your authentic declaration of love and understanding to him is allowing him to be authentic too.

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I'm sad because I feel T is not connected to me WHY IS THIS? WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?

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Tell your T you are sad. Even if he can't give you what you want, he can at least feel your sorrow with you. Oh, and why do you assume there is something wrong with you?

[lauren_helene]

Oh Sunny, because obviously something is working right? Major positive changes are happening and I think T is abandoning me.

I don't know how he'll feel about all of this. Actually the part I messed up is that he also said indicated that since my mom and brother liked him, that is enough for my dad and don't give him a hard time like I give my dad all the time and then he kind of laughed and shut the door...he likes to joke a lot my dad.

There are a few feelings at play here for me. I guess I'm kind of embarrassed too. Whose parent does this sort of thing especially at my age?

My T knows that when I met my now husband (I had just left my first), my dad sent my mom and brother out to Chicago separately (just like the past two months recently when they visited me) to see what the new guy was about.

Well, this is what dad did with my T...sent them out again...and here I thought they were joining me for me...the good news is it is working. They are all supporting me now and things are much better all around but why must it always happen like this?

I wonder if T knew that it would happen like this? I can't wait until Wednesday now...I emailed him though and told him about all of this...I'm sure there won't be a response

[MissCharlotte]

((Almeda))

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Well, this is what dad did with my T...sent them out again...and here I thought they were joining me for me...the good news is it is working. They are all supporting me now and things are much better all around but why must it always happen like this?

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I think that your therapy and open willingness to have family members participate has had a wonderful impact on your father's opinion of therapy and a positive impact on your own therapy! That is awesome. It seems like when your dad is unsure of himself he looks around for support. Could you possibly be open with him about this feeling of not trusting your opinion? Can you ask him why?

I hope you don't think I'm pushing you because I really get why this bugs you. I have had similar issues in my family of origin and was never really able to work it out. My parents are now both dead. My brother was sent as an emisary to me on many occasions because they "couldn't" talk to me! There were a lot of topics I couldn't talk about to my family either.

With respect to the feelings of rejection, could it be that you feel like you can't have it all? T, Father, Mother, Brother? I know that it's hard for me to put T and my husband in the same sentence so I just wonder if you could be having a similar reaction.

It really seems like an awful lot is going on so take gentle care.

[lauren_helene]

Sister you couldn't be more right. Something big is happening. I've been looking through pictures all night and crying. I'm wondering what it means.

Pictures of when I was younger. My dad said something profound but he doesn't realize it about my late aunt and her love for me. Long story short, she is the last person to love me the RIGHT way and she is my guardian angel. It would take me many pages to prove that and I'd bore everyone to death.

I don't know if I'll make it to Wed...I'm shaky

[ECHOES]

Oh, Almeda24fan... you and your dad: Beautiful, Beautiful, Beautiful!! And your son got to see and hear it too. I imagine it is tucked away in his heart forever!

I bet you can barely wait for your session. Your story was beautiful. I hope T can share in it with you.

[Caramee]

I love the image you painted -- I'm so glad it went well with your Dad! And I also think it is so wonderful for you to have the memory of your Aunt and to still know her as your guardian angel. Please share -- I'd love to hear it. I wouldn't be bored at all.

[MissCharlotte]

Almeda,

I had an Aunt whom I loved very much. She was the only person from my childhood who loved me for who I was. Two years ago I helped her move near me after her husband of 67 years died. Last summer she died at the age of 90 in a nursing home in the town I live in.
A week before she died she was still proving she could say the alphabet backward!

I miss her tremendously.

[Perna]

How'd your session go???