The Couch 146 : The Untouchable, Nontotient, Octahedral, Composite Couch.

Ok so I was out of my mind with pain when I had that done, I was in the hospital with a serious ovarian cyst rupture-- but when the lady took the wand out I blurted "OK BUT WHAT'S UP WITH THE BIG GLOWING D**DO??!" and we'll just say that unfortunately she was not amused.

OK that's too funny! And yikes, a cyst rupture--sounds scary.

Interesting...my mom was really obsessed with me writing thank you notes, too. And she was always saying how I needed to call friends back right away (wish texting had been a thing then!), never cancel on plans, etc., or they might not invite me to do things again--the joys of being an anxious introvert growing up with an extrovert mom.

Ugh, I hope everything is OK with him.

Oh ffs. H is dealing with another mother in law crisis. She's being released from the hospital today (yay!) so he was going over to her house to make sure it's ready for her.

And her house was broken into. Most of the expensive stuff is gone. Ugh.

But I am at the doctor now. Hoping for some good medicine. And no one will yell at me.

Except H. He's mad at me for something that happened at work today. He hung up the phone on me. I know his frustration lies in everything else that's going on, so I'm not taking it personally.

i had a procedure where they burned out part of my cervix. i cried afterwards. like right there in the office. the nurse was like um are you okay??? i never went back

I had one of the Test That Shall Not Be Named when they thought I had a burst cyst. When they brought the wand out, all I could think of was an alien probe!

I can definitely see where it would feel violating or traumatizing. I was also awake. I certainly felt quite vulnerable.

I assume if you have a complete hysterectomy, then you wouldn't really have to see a women's doctor for anything, right?

Ugh, I'm sorry. I hope she had homeowner's insurance. I'm sure he's stressed about his mom, too, but that's no excuse to take it out on you.

I'm almost positive that she doesn't.
And no, it's not an excuse, but it's a rationalization, which is helping me keep it together in the waiting room.

im fighting the urge to use drugs today. im off of work today and tomorrow. i am glad T noticed things were getting intense and deep in session and helped me come back from it without leaving upset. i did take Elio's advice and tell him right off the bat that i am scared about being there. he asked why and i said because i dont want this to go bad and i end up leaving upset again.

we talked about my using and why i used. talked about my mom which a lot of my anger is centered around. talked about why no one cared back then. how none of those people are held accountable. how i am so mad about that, so i try to ruin myself and ruin my life to show them that it is not OK

T said it is not okay what happened to you, junkDNA.

we talked about my ambivalence towards getting better and recovering. the 2 parts in me that battle daily- which boil down to the part that wants to live and the part that doesn't.

anyway, yeah im bored and craving a high. im drinking coffee and cleaning my house. it is so humid im sitting here in my living room sweating

i freaking HATE SUMMER AND HATE BEING HOT

He's home.



Sigh.

Today has been a hard day. Got a migraine coming on. Gonna have a shower and go to bed and everything will be fine tomorrow.

Yep that is the plan. I am keeping my ovaries so that if for some reason I can't take Testosterone in the future (such as changes in health care regulations) I won't be forced onto estrogen.

I just found out I have a 2nd phone interview on Friday morning and it's going to be on a WebEx ??? For why I don't know but I am suddenly wishing I had not applied I can't do this I'm too stupid and I still have to face t this afternoon. Why would I have to interview on a webex? I'm not applying to be a trainer or something this is too wierd. Sigh. Maybe I'll just call in sick and avoid it. What have I done? Ugh.

Art - we do lots of phone stuff via web ex so that people can use their computer system mic/headset rather than using phone especially when many people are involved and they are not in the same area. So, maybe this is the case of a group interview and they are not all in the same area? You can do it.

I have a student coming soon which means I have to put on clothes

No

No no no nono no no no

It's too hot for clothes

Surely they will understand

I burnt some palo santo to get rid of the sticky muggy moldy feeling. It helped a little.

Moving on to my next coping skill and cooking a proper meal that I hope I eat

Bbq chicken wings
Garlic butter mash potatoes
Biscuits
Brown rice
Green beans w onion

Ahhhhhhhhhh.... the rain is here

Whoaaaa serious YUM

Yeah it looks good hehe

I love cooking so much

Awkward "American" culture question (read my total ignorance):

How common is it for ([sans] ugly stereotype of) suburban mom sorts to run marathons?

Cool / niche thing? Not terribly uncommon? Other?

When one is told that someone is running a marathon, one should react with awe and lots of praise/encouragement - so it should be regarded as cool, suburban mom or not.

Note that in some demographics the marathon has been superseded by the triathlon, preferably an Iron Man, in coolness.

(I am not questioning the physical achievement - I did a couple triathlons in my early thirties and sometimes I do a mini-one at the gym given the time and energy - but for regular people to do them isn't that unusual but to advertise it far and wide is a sign of status seeking imo.)

Yeah, at least around here it's a status thing. Time to train= enough $ for childcare and stylish gear and not having to work all the time, I think. Then they get a cute "26.2" bumper sticker for their car so everyone knows (or 13.1 if they've done a half marathon)

But regardless of the social crap, major respect for being able to run that far...