The Couch 146 : The Untouchable, Nontotient, Octahedral, Composite Couch.

A long time ago t and I were talking about hugs or touches or something and he said being touched is a basic human need.. or some thing along that lines. At the time I didn't believe him..

Now, I get cuddles from my kids and that is it. Now, I fantasize about getting hugs from different people, t, friends, my mom.. people like that.
I starting to believe what t said.. because I generally don't like to be touched, but I can't stop thinking about hugs, and cuddles, and spooning.. eeewwww.

I enjoyed watching Wonder Woman, and I'm a complete newbie to anything DC. Had only heard of WW, seen a few pictures but didn't know a thing about her story.

Catching up on the couch now, wow 40+ pages to go

Just wanting to send you hearts.

Drug indiced sleep I am waiting on. Duchess might have went to bed eay. I don't eadnt to wake up

I make people's lives too hard and cause pain and trouble and they deserve better. R

Hey. Trauma responses are hard. Developmental trauma changes the developing brain. YOUR life was made too hard and YOU were caused pain and trouble and YOU deserved better.
You are doing the best you can with what you were given. It's enough. it will get better in time. This is what happens when young children get sh** on. All these affects of complex trauma. For now whatever you are whatever you have, is enough and you are forgiven for EVERYTHING.
Hang in there.
From a fellow multiple diagnoses DID trauma survivor.

Catching up still, reading every post. So much I want to say but I'm pages and pages behind.

Hugs to any who want them <3

So I learned T sees someone I know. Still gutted over finding out, especially as I do know that person has lots of trauma and deserves T more than me and is also a really nice person offline and online.

I'm still sure she matters more to T or will come to matter more to T.

Yes there's LOTS of private practice therapists with similar or better skill sets than T (who is in the public health system), are more flexible, have better hours, can offer more support, are more experienced...but I'm attached to T as a person.

Hey! I felt like I was gatecrashing too but over time I've felt welcome and safe. And I definitely never felt couchies who came "later than me" were gatecrashing - more of THRILLED they're joining in!

Just wanted to say my T has always believed the relationship can be mended and she owns her part in ruptures too. I've only seen her for 50 sessions.

I'm glad you're doing what feels right for you. I hope you know it isn't ALWAYS your fault -- your T has her parts to own too, and can she do that?

I'm sorry your friend isn't understanding and open like you are.

You've us!

Captgut, you can find better friends. Please believe me.

I had friends who said they cared but couldn't validate my pain. They only wanted me to perform happiness and mock me and insult me. They said I'm attention seeking, whining, have a great life with no real problems. One was a trained nurse who gave me direct, clear instructions to kill myself.

Please believe me that people on the couch here care when you're unhappy and hurting too.

I'm Asian, live in an Asian country and many old Asian folks swear by it

You're beautiful, I'm serious.

You don't have to play happy family with them.

When I move away from my parents and brothers, I want nothing to do with the brother who traumatised me.

Agree so much with Amyjay regarding trauma.

Hugs Ellahmae should you want them.

Err, sorry for the string of posts from me! I started quoting posts towards the end because I felt maybe they weren't too far back.

I had a lot of older posts I wanted to respond to as well but am afraid I'd accidentally dredge up painful feelings for people again. So I left lots of thanks (Tapatalk app can't hug), please take them as hugs, nods, waves.

Beverages of choice too whether cold brewed , hot or iced

QM, don't be sorry for your posts. I admire how supportive you are.
You never igonore anyone, you give everyone support and attention.
I'm starting to think you're a super-hero!

I can't deal with this reality. It's too difficult.
Even showering or washing dishes is too difficult.
Even walking. Even waking up.
But i have to WORK, i have to talk with people, i have to pretend like i care.
I don't think i'm bad because of that. I'm who i am. But it's TOO difficult to live here. Here - i mean in this reality. Everything is strange and everyone are weird.

I don't know what to do. I don't want to change. I just want to find my home.

Nooooo. I do miss posts (I hate that) and often IDK what to say so I just leave hugs.

And oi if I'm a superhero, y'all are my superhero squad!! (I'm still stoked over Wonder Woman!) I've gotten so much support here and often even if I'm.not posting, I read and LOVE how the couch is so supportive. ((Hug))

I mean this.

And I'm hiding on the couch because I got a subordinate in trouble when I intended to help him.

Eta: I'm trying to accept your kind words captgut.

Because um I was always told I'm selfish, mean by my Parental Units...T even said I wronged her and I hurt her and others close to me... *hides*

That kind of depression is very difficult ((hug))

I think I understand you. All my life I have wanted to "go home" but I don't know what that means.

You are amazing. I didn't know there was a word for that, thank you so much. I hope your subordinate wasn't in too much trouble.

Never heard! Thank you, interesting
But i don't think i'm depressed.
I mean - i feel sad, but i'm not ill. Im just in the wrong place.

I dunno how much trouble he's in. (Let's call him K) My email was meant to get his team lead to assign folks to help K because he's overloaded and needs things offloaded so he can complete a time sensitive task from me.

I got MY boss to back me up because the team lead tends to ignore me.

His team lead freaked because of my boss, asked K what's the bottle neck, then K called me thinking I was mad with him because his team lead also thought I'm mad with him.

Had to explain several times that I wanted him to offload some work so my email was instructing his team lead to assign someone to help him.

K is doing all the AV and IT setup for meetings and events in one of our company locations...which is a LOT which means important but tedious administrative stuff like updating of inventory lists gets delayed. He shouldn't be doing it all alone but he doesn't complain and just keeps apologising when it's really not his fault.

Hugs, that sense of difference, alienation is so deep.



But I can empathize with wanting to be "home"... I've only felt the once during a spiritual trance ((Hug))