[Elio]

I am stuck in the place where all I do is see the negative of what is said and done around me. Example:

Thursday in session, I was talking about coming in and being the adult and not letting the little boy do what he wants to do. T said that maybe it isn't about doing what the little boy wants to do but bringing what the little boy feels to the adult (or something like that). I get that she is talking a little about integrating the parts so that the adult gets to feel the things the little boy feels (he hold my joy, excitement, laughter... and others). What I keep doing is twisting this concept to being that the little boy isn't supposed to be here and what he wants isn't appropriate for me (the adult I). I know I'm the one twisting this and it is not what T was saying or meaning.

Something happened with my mom today along those same lines where she gave me a compliment and then said I was lucky to have my wife to share my life. Leaves me feeling like the compliment was more about my wife than about me. I know that is not what was said.

So, does anyone know how they are able to get out of this cycle if they find themselves stuck in it?

[atisketatasket]

I think you're ahead of the game since you're aware of it.

I'm not sure you can ever stifle the initial impulse to infer negatively. But if you're aware of it you can stymie it. Which it sounds like you are already doing?

[Blaire]

I agree you're already on the right track because you're aware that you're doing it. Can you challenge those thoughts as they come up? Maybe try writing them down and then writing a positive alternative thought.

I find I have easier time changing my negative thought patterns when I have a consistent gratitude practice going. Right now I've got a Gratitude Rock (google this for info) which might seem cheesy, but it is helping me. Worth checking out.

I hope you get out of this rough patch soon.

I find gratitude helpful, like Blaire. However the gratitude has to be spontaneous for me and not something I force and therefore become critical of myself for being "ungrateful".

I also find it helpful to honour my painful feelings / hurt fuelling my negativity (I'd have reacted badly to your mother's comment too), while also being curious about other perspectives. Like "I'm hurt by XYZ and yet also..." rather than "I MUST THINK POSITIVE"

Being mindful of it once it starts (which it sounds like you are) seems to be the place to start, I do the same thing, but haven't yet figured out how to not start it in the first place. I wish I knew the answer for both of us. I told t one time I'm glad I can catch it once it starts now, but how do I make it not start at all? She hasn't answered that for me... anyway I wish you the very best with all of this. (((Elio)))

[Chummy2]

I'm also stuck in this cylce, for so long. I haven't really gotten out of it, ever.

I think you're on the right track, like the people above say. It starts with becomming aware of what you are doing. Continue with that and maybe write it down every day.
Then there are several ways to continue. And don't know all. But you could challenge those thoughts. I've a book, but it dutch, but there are English book out there. And maybe fill-in forms on the internet. You look at a thougth and ask questions to challenge that thought, see that it isn't the truth, but a thought. And then you replace it with helping thoughts. Something like that.
Another way is to do this with schema therapy. Then you also get that stuff of healthy adult, inner child, happy child, angry child, punishing parent...

[coolibrarian]

Generally, when I can only see the negative in things, it's a sign that I've either slipped or am slipping into a(nother) depressive episode. Are you more depressed than usual?

[Elio]

I had a rupture with T about 2 months ago and we've been dealing with that and her moving from clinic to private practice... that has a lot of anxiety for me. During the 2 months, I had slipped a ways into a depressive episode. Something happened and I was able to jump out some... but might still be being pulled down a bit. So this might be going on. Depression from anxiety... very possibly.

I feel a lot of instability and unsafe due to not knowing the changes going on.

[unaluna]

Well, you ARE lucky to have your wife share your life. Thats okay. My longtime friends came to swim this weekeend. At one point i said, "remember when you called to tell me the wife was in the hospital? And i felt like, 'why are you telling ME this; tell family, not friends!' But i see now, we ARE family." The husband said, "what is she talking about?" The wife goes, i'll explain later!

But i was just stupid happy saturday. Feeling very lucky to have them as friends. But yeah, it does feel dangerous to relax and accept that your life can be happy. To lean back into loving arms? How often does that really happen?