[Blaire]

I'm losing my therapist I've been obsessively attached to for years. It is heartwrenching, but I'm noticing things here and there that I'm glad are going to change.

My obsession with him has permeated every aspect of my life. I think of everything in relation to him, and I feel very weird around things that I perceive as distinctly "his." For example, he likes country music, so every time I hear country music, I think of him and freak out feeling like I shouldn't be listening to it because it's not mine, it's his. Listening to it feels like I'm intruding into his life. This has been so bad that I've walked out of stores I needed stuff from because they were playing country music, and I couldn't handle it.

I just realized that soon I might not have this problem. My daughter was imitating a TV character with a heavy southern drawl, which used to bother me so much I'd tell her to stop. She did it just now, and I started to think about him, but I realized that soon I'll be able to let things like that back into my life without feeling like they belong to him. My life will be easier and more open when I'm no longer seeing it through a lens that lets him color everything I experience. My attachment to him has had such tight control over me for years.

Losing my object of obsession is so incredibly painful, and I am very fearful of developing another, as has happened over and over. But being separated from him will give me my life back, I won't be swimming in a freaky ocean of him all the time. I am going to work very hard on this with my new therapist.

[toomanycats]

I actually so so relate to this.
My T, who I was overly attached to to the extreme, stopped being my T 3 months ago -- we are trying to be just friends, but I just had to take a no-contact break from him starting this week to try and detangle myself from him.

I really look forward to the day when like...a whole day goes by without my even thinking of him. I already love that I am able to think of planning vacations without that gut worry and fear about missing sessions with him.

[Blaire]

Yes, I totally relate to needing to create that space, even though it's so painful to do so.

After next Thursday, I don't believe I will ever see my T again. Even just thinking that is so shocking, but cutting the cord so abruptly and completely will help me get over him sooner. I asked if I could see him for a quick follow up in three months, and he said no (it's an issue with my insurance and his job changing, it's not that he doesn't want to see me). That was brutal to hear, but actually it will be best because believing I'd see him sometime in the future was keeping the obsession intact. Now it will have to end.

You are very wise and brave to take action to separate yourself.

[DodgersMom]

this is very sad to hear but i am glad you are seeing some good in it.

i so dread the end, i am gonna try to "end" therapy by the end of the year so i can break free before i get too far in.

i wish i had known about this stuff happening before i went.

anyway, i hope your last session is very good anyway. memorable

[Blaire]

Thank you, DodgersMom. It's very hard to get what you truly need from therapy when you have a distorted relationship. I was so desperate to keep him that I refused to get better. And I wasn't really living my life. I've been aware of this for a long time, but I couldn't bear to do anything about it. I feel completely raw right now, but I think things are going to get a lot better once I get past the pain.

[Blaire]

I'm continuing to notice moments when I would normally have thought about him, and now he doesn't come immediately to mind. I'm feeling a little more powerful and in control of the world around me. Less of it is his.

I'm looking forward to working with a new therapist. I am going to tell the new person right away about my obsession and that I never want to have one again. I've been obsessed with several men throughout my life since adolescence. It's so destructive and distracts me from working on my recovery. I let these people define my identity, and I refuse to get better because I want them to keep trying to save me. No more.

My last session is the day after tomorrow, and I still don't know what to say to him. I usually write long letters to people when something significant happens, but I have no inspiration. I almost feel kind of angry at him. A little resentful. It's anger at the obsession, not at him as a person. The obsession screwed me up for so long.

Will I be able to avoid another attachment? How can I do it?