Crying question

For those who have cried.... how does your therapist respond?

I have not yet and I brought it up last night asking him how he would respond. He says he usually sits in silence or asks them questions about what they are feeling... or he leaves the room-- if the client asks. Not sure I like any of those but I also am not sure I'll ever cry in session anyway.

Just curious on how various T's respond to it

I cry in just about every session. RoboT doesn't typically respond. We just continue to talk through it, or he'll sit in silence for a moment to give me time to collect myself. I guess that's why our last session stands out to me. It wasn't bad that he was physically consoling me, but that it wasn't typical.

I'd lose my cookies if my T walked out of the room when I was crying. That's a me thing, I think. So many of my emotional neglect issues stem from the fact that I never had a safe space to express my emotions as a child. Walking out would be what my father would do, and yeah, that's at least 20% of the reason that I'm in therapy.

I guess that'd be preferable to some people, but probably not borderline/CPTSD/whatever is wrong with me.

As an idea, if you're concerned about Ts response, could you discuss with him how you would like him to respond?

I'm sorry, but leaving the room sounds very rude to me!

I have cried once, it was our first session. I was crying during all the hour. As I remember, he gave me tissues and asked something about my feelings.

I have never cried after that, but I really want to. I'm super comfortable with him and don't really care how he would react.

My T does not respond in any particular way. He would just give me time when he feels that I need some time. Otherwise we will just keep talking through my crying.

I cry all the time in session, too. Generally, T or MC just keeps going, or they might give me a moment to collect myself if I'm really upset. I'm OK with that response. I'd be really upset if they left the room--it would make me feel like something was wrong with me. If I use the last tissue, they might offer to get more tissues.Once, recently, when I got really weepy, MC moved the trash can from under his desk to in front of me, saying, "That way, you won't have to pile up tissues on your lap." It felt very caring (only I'd find someone moving a trash can to be caring!)

Possible TMI warning: I've apologized before for being gross, if I've gotten really snotty, and they've both reassured me that I'm not gross. (I think some of that comes from, like Daisy, my parents having issues with me crying when I was a kid. Or blowing my nose at the table, stuff like that). MC usually shakes our hands when we leave, and on Monday, I'd been crying a lot and using lots of tissues, and I said to him I'd understand if he didn't want to shake my hand because I was all snotty. He was like, "Moderately snotty or extremely snotty?" I said, "Just moderately," and he held out his hand.

I find it odd that your T said he might leave the room--maybe ask him about that if you're concerned. It's possible he only does that if the client asks if he could give them a minute, or maybe he offers first. I doubt he'd just see a client sobbing, get up, and walk out. I'm guessing he probably personalizes his reaction to the individual client.

I tried but its hard for me. I can't even initiate a hug. He asks me every time. I feel like I'd like that because I've never experienced that when I was sad but I'm not sure.... he also has said before he might cry with me, which I'd love, it would make me feel normal but I obviously can't expect him to know when he would cry. I feel to weird saying "maybe a hug or something"


As for the people thinking it's rude to leave, ha I agree but I fixed my post, he said if the client asks him, he will leave. He usually stays in the room though. I would personally hate it, I might as well sit at my house and cry alone in that case.

I'm not prob the best person to answer because I'm not one to cry etc, but you definitely sound like me sometimes.
I haven't discussed it that much but I did briefly touch on it recently and I must be one of the few then that would actually prefer her to leave the room if I was to ask. I just think I'd rather have a few mins to pull myself together, sort myself out and continue, but then I'm not so good with emotion that's prob why I'm a little different! It is nice for me to know that I suppose I'm in control with that, she stays, but if I ask she will let me be, and I know she will wait etc so that's reassuring enough for me!
Like u though, I doubt I be crying anytime soon though!

I've cried in front of both my pdoc and 2nd T

I actually cried on my very first appointment with my pdoc. He was a jackass about it. "Tissues are over there." Yeah, on the top shelf of the bookcase where I have to get up out of my chair and can't reach...

Heartless much?

2nd T handed me the tissue box and asked me if I wanted to talk about whatever I was crying about.

But as for leaving the room, I agree with LonesomeTonight -- the client may ask or he may offer it (especially if the client says he/she doesn't want to talk about it). So it may not be as awful as it sounds, as some people actually like to be by themselves when they're crying, or they don't want people talking to them. So I guess you gotta get some clarification from him.

I wound up just barely crying in front of J.
Silently.
He passed me tissues.
I should tell him not to do that.
It implies that they want you to stop crying.
Otherwise, no real response, which is what I prefer.

Mine does nothing, so it's sort of like being ignored, but I'm used to it. It's probably hard for them to respond in a way that works for everyone.

I don't see it as implying that they want you to stop crying--I think of it as giving them to you so you don't have to ask for them, which can be awkward (I've had to do that). But if that's how it feels to you, I'd tell J that you'd prefer he not offer tissues if you cry in the future.

I think they offer you tissues so you don't have to deal with tears everywhere.

My T has tissues on a little side table that's within reach for the client and a little trash can on the floor next to the table. If the box is less than like half empty, she usually has another box open and ready to go on the bottom part of the table. I really appreciate the self-serve aspect. One less thing to navigate when I'm already upset.

I tend to kind of tear up sometimes, but not often full-on crying. Those two things are sort of a different experience for me. When either happens, my T usually gets a little quieter (both in terms of a quieter voice and less talking) and usually looks sad too. I don't really mind crying in front of her, but that's because I'm pretty comfortable with her. For the longest time it made me feel uncomfortable.

I think it's good to be able to cry in front of somebody you trust, but don't sweat trying to make it happen. Crying can be a natural consequence of being comfortable expressing strong emotions with the person, and it takes time to get there.

I think Kashi would lean in and listen, pass me tissues. He may even sit closer after asking me if that is ok.

it seems comforting clients is not typical, maybe I'm wishing too much for the hug thing lol.

unsure ill ever cry anyway. i am too stubborn

Sometimes he will put the box of tissues next to me on the couch. Sometimes he won't get them for me which puzzles me. Is he trying to get me to take care of myself? Or maybe it doesn't mean anything.

If I'm really upset, he might lean forward in his chair. What I find most comforting is when he says my name softly with a tone in his voice that sounds to me like he cares. It's almost like a verbal hug. I wish I could tell him that I like that, but that would feel really awkward to bring up.

A T told me once that he always has a box of tissues within a clients reach but won't offer them as that can lead people to think that he 'wants' them to stop crying or that they 'should' stop crying neither of which is true. Having them nearby allows the individual to choose if they want or need them.

I think part of a T's job is to help us discover how better to take care of ourselves in the outside world as we won't always have them or others there. Also, IMO a good T will allow the individual to be sad and experience whatever emotions are taking place in a safe environment without judgement (as long as they are not harming the T or the client of course). Sometimes physically comforting someone or even verbal reassurance can come across like they are trying to stop what ever it is you are feeling. Just my two cents...

My T gets up and hands me the tissues. That's about it. She doesn't change facial expressions, tone, posture, etc. We just keep talking.

I initially could not cry in therapy, wanted to and would sometimes come close. So I requested an extra session with extra time to see what could happen. It worked.

I was often to frozen to reach for tissues that were right next to me. Twice my therapist reached for the tissues then gently and lovingly wiped the tears running down my face, like a parent does for its child. Other times, when my crying was heavy my therapist would hold me close to her with my head buried in her neck and shoulder or chest, and I would let it rip, snot and all. I offered to buy her earplugs once, because I was rather loud. She declined.

My therapist's interventions in no ways inhibited me from crying or dealing with emotions. These interventions promoted my healing and has left me with some of my fondest memories. Memories that I can evoke in good times and bad, for which I will always be grateful.

Took me about two years to cry for the first time. He didn't do anything but he gave me a quality of attention which made me feel cared for and cared about. I don't think I would have wanted him to do anything differently.

I feel lucky because my t will come over and sit by me. She will hold my hand, rub my back and/or put her arm around me. Sometimes she pulls me into her and I lay my head on her shoulder/chest and she holds me. This had been the single most healing thing that I have experienced in therapy. She has also wiped my tears with a kleenux. I realize that this is not for everyone but it has helped me.

For me, I think being physically comforted while I was crying would get in the way of what I was trying to express. Crying is often a sign that I'm thinking/talking about something deep and painful, and when I'm in therapy, I usually want to stay in the moment to see where it takes me. It's different from when I'm upset about something in my everyday life. Like if I'm crying in front of my partner, I do want physical comfort, usually as a way to lessen the intensity of my emotions. My T has occasionally talked about the "therapeutic holding environment," which I didn't really understand at first but sort of do now. I've definitely had the experience of leaving her office feeling like I've been "held" even though she hasn't touched me.

That's great that their approach was helpful for you and that you have many fond memories of your T. I wasn't saying that not doing anything was the approach I would prefer just that's how some Ts may see it . I've never cried in front of a T and know I would prefer some comforting rather than someone just sitting there if I did as I'm sure many others would too.

When I first started meeting with my counselor, the first appointment was me and my two boys. They went with me to talk about how bad our family environment was with my husband. There were some silent tears then when I realized I had to do something. My counselor didn't see them.

That was about 4 years ago, I think.

I want there to be tears, but they won't come. I feel them but something steps in and covers them and they are gone.

We have talked about what it would be like if I did cry in front of him. I have no doubt that he would be caring and show compassion.

We actually had that talk this past appointment. I wanted to cry. I think it would have felt freeing in some way.

Thank you for starting this thread! It has helped me sort out some feelings.

No problem. I would love it as well, especially with someone I really trust, it is really hard for me but we discuss it often. Last time I ever cried in front of someone, I was young and got scolded for "being a baby" in public. So I wont do it anymore. I've pent up so much all my life. We will see, maybe someday it will happen