Have you ever caught your therapist lying (like to cancel an appointment)?

Not my current T, but I had a therapist in the past who once told me that she had a loss in the family and couldn't make the appointment. Later, she contradicted herself and she didn't even realize that she had totally admitted that she just wanted a three day vacation (long story). She didn't even catch herself.

Would this warrant you leaving therapy? I lost faith in her after this, but I can't remember how long I had been with her or how our relationship was. This is one of the few things I do remember...

Have you ever caught your T in a lie? What happened?

I would not be able to trust that therapist after that. It's one thing to lie, it's another to lie about something that was not needed. She could have just said she wanted a day off. Or gave no reason at all. Yep, I would fire her.

I've never caught my therapist lying. I look constantly, but after 5 years, I think she's pretty truthful

I have not, nor have I suspected

Saying that someone has died when nobody has really died seems to me like a big lie! And it seems so unnecessary! She didn't even need to give a reason, just that she was not working on that day.
I'm afraid to me that would tell me that the person, therapist or not, is a bit unstable. Why resort to an outlandish lie in order to do a perfectly ordinary thing and take a few days off?

I find it hard to trust and so I get very upset if it seems to me that my T has contradicted himself or changed his mind on something. It has led to some arguments between us and a lot of upset for me, in the past. But we have always worked it out and it has usually been about T being careless and/or a misunderstanding between us, never a really serious lie.

I wouldn't trust a therapist after that. I'd definitely call them out on it bluntly too.

No -but I don't think of those guys as being all that truthful to begin with so it would not really bother me.
It seems like a stupid thing to lie about - she does not need to give a reason to cancel (nor does a client for that matter).

Yes, but not about cancellations. They even lie on their websites. I don't care as long as it's not something that interferes with my interactions with them heavily and repeatedly. I personally don't believe that therapist are, or can be, really truthful with clients - the whole construct of therapy does not allow it much IMO. But yes, making up that reason for canceling an appointment is pretty silly and unnecessary and, for me, kinda degrades the seriousness of losing a family member. Mine cancelled appointments due to travel and vacation, and once due to the elections (he apparently was going to vote during my session time). Not last minute though.

The kind of unnecessary excuses that bother me with one of my Ts were about why he did not respond to my emails earlier. Totally unnecessary as I never rushed him or complained. Told him once that perhaps some other clients need those explanations and apologies but I disliked them and found them unnecessary and did not need an explanation. He never did it again.

Wow! That's a very disturbing lie for a t to tell a client. Putting emotional stress on a client like that is sick. I caught my ex-t in a few lies during the "good" years but I never said anything to her about it. At the time, I felt the lies were little enough to overlook because I was smitten with her from transference and had the attachment thing going on. The woman turned out to be a deceitful fraud anyway. Lesson learned. So, if I were to catch my t in a lie now, rest assured I would bust her out on it. I would not trust her in the least ever again so I would def leave therapy.

How did things end up for you and your t last Friday, Calilady? Did you decide to go to your appointment?

I did. I posted about it somewhere, but overall, we really avoided any serious topics until the end. I told her I didn't wanna be the loyal and devoted person to women who can be rather cold with me, her included. She went onto tell me that she was anxious last week because she wanted to "keep me," not lose me and that she has to go into her own therapy and yada, yada, yada.

She cancelled her appointment for today due to a loss in her family. It made me think of the therapist that I had before. Maybe I shouldn't have said anything, but this morning as I was pulling out of a gas station, I saw her walking into a breakfast spot. In her text to me she had said that was leaving out of town last night to go out of town and wouldn't be there at all today. I'm sure plans can change, so I'm not trying to jump the gun, but my trust in her was nearly kaput before this happened. I was forcing myself to go to appointments.

IF she's lying and that's a big if, it wouldn't be the first time she's done that. I do feel like in the past, I was the expendable client. She had lowered her fees for me and fit me in on her lunch break. Overall, this would be the 4th cancellation in 3-4 months.

I know I'm looking for a reason not to go and a huge part of that is trust. Not too much trust left on my part and I do feel I've began to go on auto-pilot and detach from her. It's still painful though.

I guess I'll wait and see what happens. I don't want there to be a loss in her family, yet, I also don't want her to lie about it. I do feel super selfish.

My 1st & 2nd Ts were both pretty dishonest. My 2nd was much worse though...she is a habitual liar/manipulator. I wasn't strong enough, nor felt safe enough to say anything to either of them at the time though. (I'm kicking myself now all the time for staying so long with both of them.) T C though....he's a good egg. I know he would never lie but if I suspected something, I feel safe enough to call him on it. But yeah, a T (or anyone for that matter!) lying about someone dying is a huge red flag and I'd get as far away as possible.

If you like the t, I would go to next appt and tell t that you saw her at the breakfast spot and are upset by that. And give her a chance to explain.

If you don't like the t, I'd cancel any upcoming appts.

The thing for me about looking for reasons to quit, is that I magnify small stuff and then would have trouble discerning what is a big enough deal to quit over. I would always be second guessing myself.

At this point in my therapy, I would probably be mad and I would probably ask about it and see what happens. Lying like that is not ok.

my first therapist, the one who dumped me out of nowhere, used to lie quite a lot.

No, my T feels extremely solid with the things she says. Sometimes even when I don't want to hear what she has to say.

Sorry I missed your post about the appointment. Thanks for the update. Also sorry there have been so many continuing struggles with this t. I know how crazy-making this kind of situation can be as well as the pain detaching causes. I did just read your newest thread about seeing another t. I’m happy for you!! I hope you can continue to get the healthy support, validation, and empowerment that you need and deserve.

Awww, thank you so much!! It is tough knowing that you have start all overrrr again. Very daunting. Thank you for your sentiment!

Yes many times. Almost every word was a lie. I found out he also lies in his private life and to the police. Made up some lame excuse for running a light. They let him go because he knows the mayor of the town and he threw the names of other contacts out there. I suspect those were lies too.

Andddd just to add fuel to the fire, my soon to be ex-husband saw her and her boyfriend, I guess, at the local golf course about an hour ago.

I. Am. Seething. I can't believe this. She told me I wanted her to fail. That I pointed all the fingers at her. That I didn't want to succeed. That I looked for any reason to walk away. I. Am. Pissed.

Never.......

no, he always tells me why he has to cancel , or where hes going if he goes on vacation

I'm in a weird place with my own T. She lied to me about something small that had no impact on our relationship, but I found out it was a lie recently. I e-mailed her because I have a hard time bringing stuff like this up in person. It's definitely thrown my for a loop as trust is a huge, huge, huge issue for me (one of the major reasons I'm seeing her).

Lying about a dying family member? I don't know. That would be hard to work through.

Mine doesn't necessarily tell, she might just say she must change times. Or apologize for being late. With no explanations. Which is fine.