The Couch 148: Boby

Just had a kinda long talk with h. Well, long for him anyway. He rarely breaks away from the tv long enough for an actual long talk. But he let me talk out more of my feelings about leaving t. He said he thinks that I just need to leave it alone now and let her be dead to me. I said that I don't know if I could do that. that i want some kind of closure, i feel like we have no closure right now. and that if i do it his way and then say a year from now learn of her death i would be consumed with self-hatred for not going back once for a closure session to say goodbye. he said well i don't know what to say. he said you love her, admit it. i'm like **** dude i've never doubted that i love her and i know that i love her too much. i asked him to please not lecture me, because it started sounding like a lecture, i said what i really need is you to listen, i need to talk through this and let myself feeeeeeel this in order to work through it. and i told him i know that spending a weekend with my girls in MO is going to really really be helpful. he also said why don't you use her sorta like a prostitute and pay her twice a year just to talk to her. he was trying to make me laugh i think but that just made me cry more.

informal couch poll - in my situation, do you think you would feel worse NOT having a closure session? Or having a closure session and then having to do some of the grieving all over again? granted, i don't have to decide anything right now. I have a month. I may feel completely different by then. I hope I do. I just have this thing you know that i hate not knowing things - i think i have to make the perfect decision right now, and there is no perfect, right decision here which is another thing h said.

I know i'm getting really annoying for continuing to post about this. h has been more helpful than ever lately, which i am grateful for, but he has his limits, so here i am. at least y'all can choose to not read my posts. he's stuck in the same house with me.

Thanks for listening.

$200 is a lot of money but not an impossible amount of money.
I hope that one day you will love again.

And OJ was granted parole.

And Sean Spicer quit / was fired.

You been asleep... lets see... ten minutes!

Aaaahhh, I'm on my way to T and it's basically raining cats and dogs. It's not even 8a.m and shoes, socks and jeans are SOCKED. I hope my laptop didn't get water damaged in my bag. Still 1km to walk to T...

Do you need pocket riders?

That and dry clothes please

I found a place that makes bee sting cakes nearly as nice as my Oma. Yum.

On more tragic news today my car sounds like biplane and I am stressing about the repair bill already. I take it tomorrow for a quote. Just when you think things are looking up...

*hops in Munie's pocket*

I've been awake since 5:20am - now 8:50am. Overactive brain is such fun. Could do with pocket riders in two and a half hours, if anyone's around.

*hops in Munie's pocket*

I've been awake since 5:20am - now 8:50am. Overactive brain is such fun. Could do with pocket riders in two and a half hours, if anyone's around.

My guess is they will start a grocery delivery thing so that we can have even more packaging in landfills.

The monthly subscription box trend and delivered single-meal ingredient boxes piss me off for the same reason. It's a fine idea and I have disabled friends where it really improves their quality of life. But there needs to be some sort of reusable packaging scheme imo.

I use several of those meal plan boxes (alternate weeks based on menus) and many are really good about using recyclable packaging, from the insulation (with SunBasket, it's clearly marked with a recycling number, and they give you a sticker to wrap it up) down to the ice packs. The best one for that is Terra's Kitchen, which delivers the food in this big, compartmented cooler thing with ice packs, that then gets picked up the next day to be reused by another customer. Of course, some of the food is still in plastic containers/bags, but they're all recyclable.

Art, I think you should have a termination session. (Maybe even more than one, if you don't get through everything in the first one.) I know for me, I would need that--lack of closure is a big thing for me. And from what you've said, we're a lot alike!

Bad relationships don't have good endings.

Unless you are out for revenge, seeing her again is not going to help.