The Couch 148: Boby

Wow, Art, I just saw where you said your therapist offered to see you on a day she had previously told you that she could not see you. Ouch. Also, the remark about the longing being more interesting than the work. Another ouch. A lot of people here report that their therapists will not do therapy via email and yours sounds the same--not wanting to help you process your feelings this way. I am sorry that she has such a hard line about that. I can see how it can go badly, but honestly, what if she had replied that everything between you was okay and that she's happy to see you however you show up--angry, longing, hurt, happy, confused, etc? That would not have taken a lot of work on her end to reply with.

I really feel for you in this and hope you get the closure you need, whether that's through time and absence or a final session. I'm glad you've got other things to fill your life with that give you good energy.

In line with ruh roh:
I had a bad rupture with M last year and the only thing that saved our relationship was that he was willing to see me for a rectifying session in whatever state I was in-- in this case blind with rage-- and he sat there and took it. He was visibly shaken by what I said but he witnessed it and admitted his mistake and responsibility. If he had held up a mirror and thrown any "therapisty" stuff back at me, or tried to analyze my emotional reaction, I can say confidently that despite our healthy/ healing relationship up til that point, I never would have gone back. In subsequent sessions, after things cooled down, we went back and analyzed the situation a little, but it was always under the lens of him being 100% responsible for the hurt.

HELP COUCH, I can't get T out of my head for long enough to think about or do anything, I just want to be with him, I don't want to do anything else, aaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

(((luc)))

Been there (((luc)))

Can you maybe get out for a walk and stop at a cafe along the way? Bring some reading or writing?

I love this idea!

I've been desperately wanting chocolate since you posted pics of that pie, art

Maybe today I will grab life by the richard-bits and do something about it

Thanks, Anais, and Art.

Yeah I think I should probably go back outside. Just got home but I'm all twitchy and restless.

I don't think I can read or write at the moment really... (although, having said that, I'm writing right now, aren't I?) ...I actually have an essay due in in a couple of weeks but I can't make my brain function enough to work on it

Please can I just go back to T? I'll just go back to his place and throw out whoever else is on his sofa and curl up on it myself instead. Actually I don't even need to throw them out, they can carry on, I won't be any bother...

My stomach's been feeling miserable the past few days. I was drinking a ton and eating irregularly and at weird hours for about a week so I deserve it, it's this awful sharp burning pain I've never really had before.

Yesterday I was nice to it and had only chicken soup all day, whenever I wanted it. Seems to have paid off today. Yoghurt and more soup went down for breakfast with minimal discomfort. Maybeeeeee I will have something chocolate to celebrate.

Heck, staring at the wall is just as good as reading or writing, who am I kidding.

I have to say I've been envious of jdna for being able to study at her Ts place. M has the most beautiful waiting area, it's a sunroom with giant fig trees and cacti, kilim rugs, weird psychodelic paintings... I always make sure I'm at least ten minutes early so I can chill in that room. Actually I love it even more when he's running late, so I can be there even longer.

...aaaaand my nail just tore off. Isn't this just the saddest bloody thing you've ever seen?:





Why do I even bother trying to have nice things?!!

What am I actually supposed to do now? PAGING UNA, NAIL EMERGENCY

That's the worst. I've been known to get acrylic overlays just because they stand up tp gardening.

But...... pretty color *_*

I am picturing it against the flamingo dress

I know nothing about nails. Mine are cut down to the nailbed all day every day forever

(((luc)))
I'm thinking of T 24/7, so maybe I can understand you...
Unfortunately I don't know what to do

Demunie how was T? I hope you are nice and dry now ��

Well I just got tearful (in a good way) reading ruh roh's post in In Session Today. Echos didn't half give her lovely T a hard time.

T was draining. He was great though... I feel more like a human being now though, so.

He thought that the weird coloring my jeans had due to wetness was supposed to be fashion

Woah there's an IM function here now?! WHAT!

Sorry Anais, you were the only person showing up as online so I hassled you, I was over-excited...

Is that what that is, like an IM? Cool.

No tearful waves of emotion yet today to report. This is a good thing, right?

Sounds good to me

My Endo increased my Armour thyroid but I'm exhausted! I thought I'd feel more pep. I don't. Argh. Time for physical therapy and I don't wanna goooo...

I think this dose is too high making my heart work harder ...making me exhausted!

You are the only one that shows up for me, I think because you are my only friend hah

I am confused