The Couch 148: Boby

Parents of children can be terrible. I remember in high school - I was almost roughed up by a bunch of fathers at a t-ball game I was umpiring.

Oh yeah.. I've heard some stories from umps in many different kid's sports. My goal is to never be that kind of parent.

(((Velcro))) violin lesson parents are crazy like that too.

I still haven't gotten used to it entirely.
I had one who accused me in eleven paragraphs at 11pm (cc'ing my department head) of cancelling her son's lesson time to give it to a more talented student. She wanted me fired for my highly unethical practice and for causing her so much stress after her recent health scare. Reality: I had cancelled all my lessons that day. With two weeks notice, and a future makeup week scheduled.

Yes, I think I will contact Le Creuset. The finish really is gone, I found tips for taking out potential discoloration but there's just no putting it back. I've used both pots heavily for five or six years- the interiors still looked good as new before this. I don't think I'll have much success because I got it as a second. But I'll try. Maybe I can say I got it forever ago and don't recall from where.

Art, I don't think it matters what others think about a closing session (I only had one and it was not helpful at all, but I didn't have the number of years into it that you did). I do think, based on everything you've posted, that you can't rest without a closing session, so why not just plan on that?

Also, you can make this look like however you want it to look: a closing session with the door left open for occasional check ins; a final closure with no open door; or something else.

I wish I could have options, but my therapist is going to retire and move away. She said we can continue long distance for a few years beyond that, but who knows if that will work out. If I had my way, I would not end at all. I don't see a problem with therapy being any way a person wants it to be, if it's helpful.

Art, I have been following your posts for a long time, and I really feel for you. I agree with the others that you are putting a lot of pressure on yourself and it would be helpful to at least have a termination session.

But I guess I don't understand why you feel you have to end? Do you really believe you have irreparably ruined the relationship? Could it just be that your relationship is simply suffering one of the little blips that mark many or most long-term relationships, and that you could work through it and be fine?

I remember one time I had a blip with my therapist- it was probably the only thread I've ever started on here. I remember how terrible I felt, and it was like I couldn't quite imagine there was a way I could get back to normal. But we survived it, and now it's just a little episode in the background. I think these things just happen in long-term relationships, and getting through them is part of what makes them so rich.

Has anyone opened an Etsy shop? I think that's what i want to do for a living. Make and sell creative stuff. What does it take to make a decent living off there?

Thanks Velcro. I suspect you are right. The email I sent that really mucked things up was after last week, a couple weeks after the really bad session - after she said she needed a month off. But couldn't just take it because of other commitments so she just wanted us to take a break. I was so in shock I didn't really react until I got home and I emailed a really needy thing saying that I was already missing her and I felt a little bit like I was being exiled but I didn't ask to come sooner. I was just saying what I couldn't say there. She interpreted that i wanted to come sooner and said i could come on 8/9 a day she had in my session said she would not be available. so naturally i said no that's ok, 8/23 or whatever it was we had scheduled would be fine. So then she emailed back the "are you in or are you out" thing and "Is the longing more interesting than the work?" question and that hurt MY feelings so I (yes, impulsively) said I guess I'm out, but asked if we could have a closure session in about a month, and she wrote back that she cancelled what we'd already scheduled and said her door would be open and that she understood i was processing feelings but didn't want to process them in email.

I don't know. I ask myself that so much. It's like I have something inside of me that is just driving me to end - like I can't not - like I HAVE to. I don't understand it and she doesn't understand it and we go round and round trying to figure it out to no avail. I don't get it at all.

Originally it was supposed to be in November. this in a month thing just happened the other day. I am perplexed.

Thanks. I think you're right that I wouldn't be able to rest without a closing session. I really don't understand myself why i think i have to figure this out right now. It's really no wonder that she wants a break from me.

I'm sorry for what you're going through.

Thanks so much. Like I said above, I really don't understand it myself - this drive to end. I guess something in me just can't tolerate the level of intimacy anymore. I feel closer to her than to anyone else. And that scares the **** out of me. I constantly want more from her than she can give in this convoluted professional relationship. Not that I really talk about that much with her. My bad, it might help if I did. But yes - I do feel like I have ruined everything. It was such a healing relationship for such a long time and I somehow imploded it, made her question her work, pulled the rug out from under myself, etc.

I don't know. I'm just trying and trying and trying to talk things out and find some understanding.

I think you guys are right. I would 100% regret not having a closing session. Maybe after all this talking I can put this to rest until after my trip in mid-August and make a decision then after a weekend with my friends who have known me for umpteen years.

I have one! It's dormant right now, but at one point a few years back I did sell some things. I crochet and I sold like 4 hats, a scarf, and a couple of purses. Maybe I should start crocheting again in earnest and open it back up.... one of my friends has one too that she does pretty well with, as a part-time income while she raises her boys, because she's good at sales. I am not on the other hand lol.

I know. They were like the high school mean girls of the sport teams.

"You can't volunteer for concession stand duty twice a week like the rest of us (married with involved husband) because you are a single mom who works 2 jobs and has no help from the father? Well that's too bad because your son will have to sit on the sidelines. Only children of active parents are part of the team."

Mean parents:

😠😈😖😱👿🤡😣

And you, T, anti-angerite, too bad. Pull up your pants and just sit there and listen to my anger. Join me in it and you will be my partner in this. Don't join me in it, and I'm alone.

it was like that when my son played in little league baseball too a bunch of years ago. h and i both worked full time and then some at the time, and barely could get him to games and practices on time let alone spend time volunteering in the concession stand and other stuff. secretly i was glad when he said he didn't like it anymore and wanted to quit!

I have not done anything on etsy so this is all just armchair crap from me-- but I've read that they are doing very poorly since they opened trading to vendors with non-handmade items. They've been flooded with cheap mass produced items at prices that artisans can't compete with, and buyer traffic to the website has also slowed, since etsy customers are not generally interested in the mass produced stuff that's all over their platform now.

So I don't know if you can rely on incidental internet-browsing traffic- it seems like those days are over- but you might have some success if you do your own advertising legwork and treat it more as a platform for displaying all your work and completing financial transactions securely.

And the voluntold duty was twice as much for a single parent because a couple could split the duty. And all were couples, even extended family.

What does she sell? How much did you average per month?

Or a new Etsy like the old one will pop up. Sad to hear that. Leery about stuff from China. Then again, I'm lerry about stuff from Amazon and hardly order mich from thete anymore. Wonder what Whole Foods will be like now that they bought them.

My sister has a shop but I think she's only made a few sales total in the past year or two it's been open. She has advertised, too. She is a pretty ok painter and she does those trendy pieces of the animals in weird bright colors with those prismatic geo patterns everyone's into, so you'd think she'd do ok. There's really no guarantee.

I was looking for one of those-a lion or horse

She sells stuff like personalized party invitations, stationary, teething blankets, stuff along those lines, she's really creative. Actually y'know now that I think about it she hasn't talked much about it on facebook lately. Maybe she closed hers down too because of how it's gotten. I dunno?

Mine never took off. The 10-12 things I sold, 6 were to the same person I think for a shop, and the others to individuals. I got tired of paying the listing fees and stuff. I was doing it while I'd been laid from work, and had nothing else to do.

wait what? amazon bought whole foods??!

The bush right outside my bedroom window flowered today! The flowers will be gone in the morning, they disappear as fast as they come, but I got a pic!
The 2nd one is a flowering plant of some kind in my backyard, those will stay around longer. I am distracting myself with photography before I go to bed.

Yup.....

well couchies i think i better head to bed. i didn't realize it was getting late. well, late for me anyway. i get up too early.

thanks for all the support lately, i really mean that.

My guess is they will start a grocery delivery thing so that we can have even more packaging in landfills.

The monthly subscription box trend and delivered single-meal ingredient boxes piss me off for the same reason. It's a fine idea and I have disabled friends where it really improves their quality of life. But there needs to be some sort of reusable packaging scheme imo.

And OJ was granted parole.

And Sean Spicer quit / was fired.

You been asleep... lets see... ten minutes!

$200 is a lot of money but not an impossible amount of money.
I hope that one day you will love again.