The Couch 149 : Boby Lives On!

I just had sauteed shishito peppers for the first time.

I think my life has changed.

Now all you need is to go to a Hobby Lobby and buy some balsa wood to make airplane models, and you'll be a totally different person!

I made a side table with Southern pine (that is astonishingly still standing).

Does that count?

The 'blob

?? Dont make stopdog start worrying about you too!

Eta im starting to wake up. All my espresso pots are dirty. Thats okay, only takes a second to rinse one. I opened a new pack of coffee yesterday, yummmm.

My son gave me a gift card to JoAnn (similar to Michael's) for my bday. Might go later today... Kinda feeling the blues about t situation again. Not crying, just feeling a lil down.

I should never have gone to that class. This is not a good situation. i am so stupid.

I have little or no respect for most of the yoga (or yoga type) classes taught in the US / West in general (and some parts of the East as well that've sought to exploit the general craze).

Would it help if I held forth on how I think it's mostly a capitalistic cabal of people with very questionable levels of intelligence (or the distinct lack thereof), discipline (again very distinct lack thereof) and (within triple quotes) expertise?

AY yes, I guess that helps... it's just generally I assume one has a certain expertise before offering classes willy-nilly. I guess that is untrue here.

I haven't gotten out of bed yet. I am just crying and frozen. I need to work, I have to pack for five weeks, I am giving my apartment away in two days and now apparently I need to trawl craigslist for a parking space too.

(((anais)))

I'm feeling like getting my hair cut off again. Going to do it now. Pics to come.

For what it's worth, I didn't say it just to cheer you up -- I avoid all things yoga / Eastern spirituality here in the US unless it's being taught folks who I know have been trained by people who are well-respected back in the East / home (my motherland is one of the birth-places of all that stuff).

I haven't managed to find a single yoga teacher (where I am or earlier, a couple of major East coast cities) who fits the bill. Anyone -- with a bit of money and time -- can go through that nonsense of 500 hours certification or whatever. That's so far from qualifying one as a yoga teacher that it's not even funny.

The real (and best) yoga teachers I've seen were those who had done a whole ton of work on themselves and as a result, when I was in their presence, I had a distinct sense of gentleness, wisdom and at the same time, discipline and no-nonsense-ness. Yoga being a way of life isn't just something they parrot to sell hot pants on Lululemon or give off some nonsensical beatific glow (in fact if you really looked at them, you'll find that they far from fit any conventional idea of beauty -- a lot of them were older men / women with not-exactly-muscled bodies).

After having seen that, I can't for the life of me settle for anything else -- nothing I've seen of any of the yoga teachers here in the US comes anywhere close to that. So, as a result, I sometimes (without much discipline though) end up doing it on my own with a classic book I got from the motherland which really goes through it step-by-step -- they in fact tell you not to jump into asanas until you've worked for a good long while on just your breath and just your seating posture.

I did though find a meditation course that more than fits the bill in terms of authenticity (it's taught in the way it was originally meant to be taught + in the real tradition, is totally free and consequently, it's a lot weirder than what mostly passes for meditation everywhere else [current T can't get over the weirdness]). But, despite that, when I was going through it for the first time, I found myself overwhelmed with flashbacks and memories -- luckily, I had enough mental resources + the teachers there "got it" and somehow, I was okay.

But, had they had less training and / or had I been less prepared, I'm pretty sure that they'd have had to call 911 (as they did for a couple of other folks).

This sort of stuff is really really really (I can't emphasize this enough) not to be messed with casually -- it makes me furious (like really batshit crazy angry) to see how so-called teachers treat it as if it's yet another hour-long aerobic exercise. It has the ability to make fundamental changes to your internal world and when not handled properly, that crap can really blow up -- my meditation teachers would refer to it as brain surgery basically.

Alright, I shall shut up right about here (and my apologies to any yoga afficianados who might take umbrage to my rant!).

Yes, I think my expectations are too high of a lot of people here-- I assume that anyone being able to make it as a teacher here has done the authentic training.I have also worked with people who have had long-term guidance from the master teachers you describe. And yes, the difference is stunning and nothing else really compares. I had a huge lapse in judgement-- the description of the class was exactly what I wanted and I assumed there was the expertise to deliver.

I hope you're able to see that you had the misfortune of running into an inept moron.

I once (and only once) had acupuncture done by someone who went on and on (on her website) about specifically working with trauma clients (cited some of the major books on it etc).

So, I was really looking forward to it.

The whole session started to go downhill (and never recovered) when she got freaked out that I was flinching all over the place when she came close (I tried telling her that I'll be okay but short of shutting down entirely and totally going away mentally, I couldn't have instantly pretended okay-ness).

I tried explaining what was happening but she looked at me like I was speaking a foreign language.

Needless to say, I couldn't wait to get out of there.

Good luck with the parking space and sorting out everything else

It's like therapists - an MA/PhD plus 3000 hours in the field + license =/= (necessarily) someone who has any freaking idea about human psychology in practice or understanding of people.

Though having just exited shaky yoga (which does not pretend to be about anything besides exercise) perhaps my brains are more addled than usual.

Children are at the groomers. The oldest threw up in the car on on the way there, he's struggling with the swapping to a new diet. (speaking of animals -thinking of you BB).

Filmed a video, edited, uploaded another one. Started laundry, took out the trash. The things left that I need to do I don't want to so..... maybe I'll read or write, or who knows.

But but but, you can tell therapists............not to talk?

Wait, this brings up an idea for a whole new thread -- are therapists less likely to cause harm than......?
- Yoga teachers
- Dog sitters
- Bee keepers
- Other professions?

(And, I don't even have the excuse of shaky yoga addling my brain.)

Well I'm guessing SD will be having a field day with this, wherever she is.

In any case, to help me through the fire-versary on Tuesday I'll be seeing my perfectly professional and adequate massage therapist, who is still in training and has never advertised anything other than exactly what she can do, and told me the first time I met her that she "loved my energy."

My brain is still trying to figure out what you wrote, @@. I think I have it figured out and then I don't.

Here's my new haircut. I like it - I had it pretty similar to this when I first met hubby 20+ years ago. It's really short in the back, nice and cool. And looking at this kinda blurry bathroom selfie, I don't look half bad for 55 and no makeup, do I?

H and I talked a little in the car about t - he asked if I'd decided yet whether or not I'm going back for a closure session. I told him honestly I haven't decided yet for sure - but I still have 3 weeks to decide. He said in his opinion, he's afraid if I do go back for one more session, that I'll start hurting all over again and have to go through what I just went through again. I told him I know he's probably right but right now, I feel like we do not have closure, and that later down the road I don't want to regret not going back and getting that closure. He said it is up to me. I thanked him for that.

You look great - Nice haircut!

Great haircut, Art!

On my facebook feed just now:

"A blue whale can make a fart bubble big enough to fit a horse in it. There. That's a thing you know now."

I have very strange friends that make me wonder why I am the one in therapy?!

Nice haircut, Art!