Dear T : I Need To Tell You Something, but Don't Know How... (Part XXVI)

Only showering once a day max is difficult. Had 4 today.

So whose is this anxiety? Yours or mine? Or both?

I think your T is 'well out of order' to give you such little notice! No wonder you feel like you do!! My T gives me months & months of notice, which gives me time to talk through my feelings about it. No one likes a bomb drop!! They don't like it if we drop something on them just b4 we leave a session!! How uncaring & selfish your T is!!!

Hugs. My T does exactly that - gives no notice. She just simply tells me which week I will next see her and I find out by looking at her public social media that anyone can view.

I was packing my bag of dress clothes for tonight, and without realizing it, I packed the outfit you complimented back in April. You said that you had never seen professional me, and that I looked nice. It made me really sad. I don't like where we are right now.

I hope we're able to work through some of this tomorrow.

Our T's tell us regularly that routine & stability makes us feel safe & what we need. Therefore, I don't understand why they would not let their clients know that an upcoming break in that 'safe' routine is going to be happening? It's not like they don't understand or realise that some clients will feel distressed by this break!! I am just so pleased that my T gives me lots of notice. (If he didn't, I'd tell him how totally unacceptable that is & that in future, to give me more notice)

I wish i was seeing you today and i wish you hadn't canceled our phone sessions too.

Thank you Jo and QM! My old t would give me a lot of notice.

Hiya Dr. S,
I wish I was seeing you today. It has hardly been 12 hours but the previous 24 were such a roller coaster, I could use more time. Then again, what more could you do for me. Thank you for being proud of my yesterday. I'm trying to hold onto those words.
-me

ps. if your notification disappears on my phone, I will be emailing you for another one.

Dear M

I miss you a lot today. It's been a sad and slow morning. I would have been out of town for work this weekend except... well you don't know the crazy situation, because you haven't been here.

16 days down. 34 more days to go I guess.

Dear Current T --

If you never ever -- like ever -- bring up the colicky baby comparison again, it'll be too soon.

Also, if you never ever -- really ever -- do the hand-flutter-to-the-chest (especially multiple times in a session) to show how my words deeply deeply deeply affect you, it would be waaaaaaaaaay too soon.

Cheerfully,
AY

P.S. I have a hard time believing you listen to Soundgarden and RATM given above-mentioned actions. Just say No. You can do this.

Dear T,
Going through massive withdrawal over here. Your FB is awfully quiet. Can you please just post an update? Surely I'm not the only one who wants to know you've resettled okay?
(Or did you just box me and your other former clients into a private group?- paranoid.)

I am on such an emotional roller coaster right now, L. Right now I'm feeling ok. Yesterday, not so much. Wish I'd make up my mind that I'm ok and just stick with it.

t is SUPER quirky

OK, R....I reached out.

I'm hoping you will reach back, just so I know you're there. The unease and twitchiness are making me uncomfortable and a nightmare to be around, and it's even more of a nightmare to live. If she's going to 'collapse in the bathroom' every night for the next three weeks, I want no part of this. Flashbacks and intrusive thoughts are ********, and I don't know if I can trust myself to say the words out loud.

See you on the 24th...

Lost

You'll be sorry when Im gone

Thank you for texting me. At least I'm not fully abandoned.

What's up jdna?

that is all.

I love you.

Do you definitely know what you're doing?

L i hope when you (future tense) read my email from a couple nights ago you remember the bulk of our relationship, not just the now. And respond with compassion even if you say no. At least respond with something. Ok? I am trying to have patience with waiting til you're back in town but it's hard because I really don't know what to expect. But don't worry. I won't email again.

Fuuuuuuuuck this. It's more effort than it's worth. It's easy for you, isn't it?

goldangit, t or L or whoever whatever you are, i can't stand not knowing what you are going to say. i hope i'm just being paranoid.

alright alright i'll stop spamming the dear t thread.