I never really talked about what it meant for him to be away. I haven't even talked about Winnicott or the CDs he gave me while he was gone.

Last session I was going to tell him something I did while he was away and I said to him, "Well when you were on vacation-- you know, everytime I say that I want to say-- your %#@&#! vacation."

And he said, "Then why don't you say it?"

So I said, "I just did! Fine! I'll say it again-- YOUR %#@&#! VACATION."

T said, "How do you know I was even on vacation?"

And I said, "I don't care what you were doing!"

And he goes, "You're right-- either way, it was my %#@&#! vacation."

Then he commented how we really never explored how it was for me-- and he's right. I have major trouble talking about how I felt when he was gone and I can't even really talk about the CDs or the book.

Any thoughts on this?

(Whoa, I just realized that it's officially October; that means exactly two years with T this month).

[sunrise]

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pinksoil said:
Then he commented how we really never explored how it was for me-- and he's right. I have major trouble talking about how I felt when he was gone and I can't even really talk about the CDs or the book.

Any thoughts on this?

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pink, could it be you don't really need to talk about this topic? And that is why you haven't pursued it? Or do you feel you do need to talk about it but are avoiding it?

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(Whoa, I just realized that it's officially October; that means exactly two years with T this month).

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Whoa for me too! I started seeing my T last October. Can't believe it's been a year. We have come so far. Pink, will you reflect back on your time together because it is your "anniversary"? I am feeling a bit of a need to do that at our session this week--remark that it has been a year and look back on what we have done and where we have gone (and are going to).

a year for me this october, too. must be something about october lol. wow. thats amazing to me that you haven't talked to him about his %#@&#! vacation. i always have to let him know (in some way) that i'm not happy about it. either by being annoyed or sad about it or by numbing out so i'm kinda removed from him.

i hate it how i feel like a little kid sometimes.

that being said... being mad or sad about it isn't really talking about it, i guess.

[Perna]

I guess I would want to know where/what he did. If my T is in town (going to a conference/class, for example) that's different than when she goes out of the country for me? Even if she's vacationing somewhere in another state, that's different than when she's out of the country. She lives in another, adjoining state and I use to "look for her" when we'd be in that state, LOL. Like I'd be able to see her passing in her car.

Is there anything that would make you feel differently about your T's "vacation" and the facts of it? If he had a boring/horrible time would that make you feel better, for example? :-) Think about the possibilities of what your T could have been doing and how that would affect how you feel about his being away. What is different between a day you don't see him during a "normal" week and a day you don't see him when he's away?

[MissCharlotte]

Oh, I've been thinking about my T's vacation also and all I can say is that I have had to increase my antidepressant meds and am now going 2 x per week.

I was so traumatized by his absence--it was worse than I can say.

Dang. I also have a hard time talking about what his vacation does to me but this time I called after the first week back to leave him a message about our session (I do this sometimes, just so he can help me to hold on to some thoughts that pop up on delay.) When I do this I let him know he doesn't have to call me back. Anyway, one of the messages i left about the session included the statement that I was traumatized by his vacation.

I didn't consciously leave that information on his machine because I didn't want to discuss it, but if the shoe fits I'll wear it.