[ScarletPimpernel]

My T is on vacation right now in Europe. I can still email her my weekly email, but... she told me that emails get delayed when they go overseas. Is this true?

She told me to be patient, but I haven't gone this long without communicating with her. Plus I worry that something may have happened to her. Or what if she forgot her phone? Or doesn't have service? Or forgot to check her emails?

Waiting is so hard!

[Demunie]

Hugs,

This must be hard for you. My T is on vacation right now too and I miss him terribly.

Emails don't really get delayed over seas... We (living in europe) often have a completly different time zone though, so she might not see the email for multiple hours... Also, internet access can be very expensive.

I don't have any more advice... Even if she forgot her phone, she could still use a PC or laptop somewhere.

Waiting is awfully hard. Hang in there. Is there anything you can do to distract yourself?

[AllHeart]

I wonder if she meant the delay being more related to her not having easy access to internet. If she doesn't have an international plan on her cell, or it's a limited one, she likely won't be using it to check emails. So that leaves her checking emails only from her hotel room. How long is she gone for?

[ScarletPimpernel]

I've been going about my days doing the usual stuff. I'm not busy, but it does distract me some. And I have my rock and stuffed animal from her, so that helps. But throughout the day I keep checking my email. Every time I get an email, my heart jumps, and I get excited, but then I'm let down because it's not from her. And I keep checking what time it is over there. When it's morning time in Europe, I get even more excited because that's when she normally responds.

I wrote her Tuesday night... It's been 2 days

[ScarletPimpernel]

Originally Posted by AllHeart

I wonder if she meant the delay being more related to her not having easy access to internet. If she doesn't have an international plan on her cell, or it's a limited one, she likely won't be using it to check emails. So that leaves her checking emails only from her hotel room. How long is she gone for?

She's gone for 3 weeks. I'm not missing a session though because our sessions are 4 weeks apart.

my therapist and i live overseas from each other. i only see her in person every 1-2 years. she and i can be on the phone and send an email to each other, and the email shows up within a few minutes.
so it isnt like its delayed for hours or days or anything. its just minutes.

[anais_anais]

I usually tell this to clients/people I work with- as others stated, not for any technological delay, but for the combined time difference, lack of working phone plan, wifi not guaranteed, planned activities which may command my attention and delay a timely response. My guess is the delays she refers to are on her end and she'd mainly want you to know in case of a crisis-type scenario where you'd be wanting the faster response.

[bounceback]

It depends on if she is paying for internet access in her hotel. That is usually 5 euros a night. She might not have access to the internet all the time especially if she is doing a lot of driving. When we were on a tour bus, we would lose internet access for awhile in some areas over there. She might decide that she doesn't want internet access in her hotel. Also there is a 10 hour time difference in some countries. Just hang tight.. I am sure she will get in touch with you when she is able.

[ScarletPimpernel]

Originally Posted by anais_anais

I usually tell this to clients/people I work with- as others stated, not for any technological delay, but for the combined time difference, lack of working phone plan, wifi not guaranteed, planned activities which may command my attention and delay a timely response. My guess is the delays she refers to are on her end and she'd mainly want you to know in case of a crisis-type scenario where you'd be wanting the faster response.

Part of my crisis plan is to call her. But she told me she doesn't want to do out of country calls, so while she's on vacation I can't call her. But with email, she said I can email.

[ScarletPimpernel]

This is getting harder for me. I want to email her again, but it would be rude of me. She told me to be patient.

But this is triggering memories of when ex-T went on Christmas vacation and forgot to call me. I feel like T has forgotten about me. I can understand. This is her vacation. She's having fun. But I'm hurting at the same time. I feel abandoned. I know it's selfish to feel this way, but I do.

[wheeler]

What app are you using to communicate with? My T and I have used 'WhatsApp ' when she's been out of the country

[ScarletPimpernel]

We're not using an app?

I just arrived last night to the USA from overseas (not Europe) after being away for ~ 3 months. I sent numerous emails, some with attachments, and it was hit or miss. Though I tried different internet services many times over my three USA devices it was impossible at times. The emails did not go through to the addressee or shows up as a Bcc or CC to myself. I've come back to a big mess that I am scrambling to clean up and not miss deadlines. The Internet cafe's where I was had 56" screens that shared my emails with the whole town. Many times I could get emails on my personal devices, but could not successfully send them. What did work most often was iMessaging when Internet did not work properly. I'm lucky my kid was able to get my rental car info changed and send me details through iMessage.

Hang in there SP. Not all systems or devices are created equally when it comes to technology.

WhatsApp (chat only) was another way to get through. The phone system was useless.

[ScarletPimpernel]

Originally Posted by AttachmentesBueno

I just arrived last night to the USA from overseas (not Europe) after being away for ~ 3 months. I sent numerous emails, some with attachments, and it was hit or miss. Though I tried different internet services many times over my three USA devices it was impossible at times. The emails did not go through to the addressee or shows up as a Bcc or CC to myself. I've come back to a big mess that I am scrambling to clean up and not miss deadlines. The Internet cafe's where I was had 56" screens that shared my emails with the whole town. Many times I could get emails on my personal devices, but could not successfully send them. What did work most often was iMessaging when Internet did not work properly. I'm lucky my kid was able to get my rental car info changed and send me details through iMessage.

Hang in there SP. Not all systems or devices are created equally when it comes to technology.

This is a huge fear. I think this is what my T was talking about. She only has her cellphone.

What if she can't send me an email for 3 weeks! I've already started crying for her tonight. And I was just doing so good.

I frequently travel all over the map, including between the US and Europe. There have never been problems with sending or receiving emails (I use gmail and my academic email in the US) per se, but the quality of local internet services can vary a lot and that can make communication more difficult. What is more a factor is the time differences. Also, if your T is on vacation, I would be more patient as she may not really want to work much during that time. Maybe read your message and will respond when she can or when she is back home?

[ScarletPimpernel]

My T said it was okay to email when she's on vacation and that she would get back to me, but to be patient.

I do need to be more patient, but this is really hard for me.

Originally Posted by ScarletPimpernel

My T said it was okay to email when she's on vacation and that she would get back to me, but to be patient.

I do need to be more patient, but this is really hard for me.

It is hard SP. I just want to remind you as you wait, that you and your therapist have worked so hard to get you to a better place and it has been a privilege to read about your progress with this therapist. Trust is hard and I ask you to try to remember that this particular therapist has been worthy of your trust. She will do whatever she can and then some to get the email she promised to you. Don't let my story scare you, because I did whatever I could to get certain emails out; the ones that mattered most. You matter to her. SP, if you can continue to trust her and the history you have together I am convinced that your wonderful therapist will get an email to you soon. JMHO.

You've got a lot of people routing for you, your therapist and the email arriving to your box soon. Hang in SP.

[kecanoe]

Pretty much what AB said. Hang in there. Your t does come through. How long has it been?

It's been a couple of years since I traveled in Europe, but WiFi was way less available there. If she doesn't have an international plan on her phone (and if she only travels rarely, that would make sense), she'll probably have to pay for access.

You know that you can do the 4 weeks because you have done that already. Hang in there.

[ScarletPimpernel]

Thank you AB and kecanoe. My T has always backed up her words with actions. She's never lied to me.

It's just that I really don't think I'm going to get an email if I haven't gotten it already.

And yes, she doesn't have an international plan on her phone. That's why she said I can't call or text her...and she wasn't going to be bringing her work phone.

Yeah, I've gone 4 weeks without seeing her, but I have never gone more than 8 days without some sort of communication with her. I wrote her Tuesday night, so I haven't had any communication with her for 11 days! Sounds silly...only 3 days more than what I'm used to, but it's hard. I have survived my relationship with her because of the constant contact/reassurance.

Even though I have gotten better, I still suffer from the symptoms of BPD. Right now, I'm starting to feel abandoned which is making me want to pull away from her. I'm trying to fight the urge. I'm trying to trust her. But I just don't think she's going to email.

[ScarletPimpernel]

Still no email

[ScarletPimpernel]

Nothing again.

[kecanoe]

I wonder if she didn't receive it. Based on what you have said here about her, that is the only explanation that makes sense. Can you email her again?

[ScarletPimpernel]

Originally Posted by kecanoe

I wonder if she didn't receive it. Based on what you have said here about her, that is the only explanation that makes sense. Can you email her again?

I'm going to email her again tomorrow night (my usual time).

Even if she didn't get my email, she should know how consistent I am, and that I would have sent one.

[ScarletPimpernel]

Still nothing from T. It's been a week since I first emailed her. I wrote her another email last night. It was a novel.

I'm so torn. Part of me is really worried, part of me is angry, but mostly I'm hurt. I'm crying a lot now. I feel so weak and pathetic. I thought I was stronger than this. I wanted so much to do well while she was on vacation. If only she'd email me. But that's not going to happen. I won't hear anything from her for at least another week.