Annoyed by cognitive restructuring

I'm in CBT therapy and have been for over a year. One thing that has been annoying me is cognitive restructuring. I understand the point of it and its usefulness, but I get really irritated when my T uses it instead of acknowledging something is bad.

Here's an example from a few days ago. I slipped while walking into a deli because it was raining and banged up my knee. Because of this I got to work late and my boss yelled at me for five minutes and threatened to fire me. I was upset because that would mean I would have to drop out of school because I couldn't pay for it. I had to do an hour-long presentation and I got stopped by two people every few minutes who tore apart every point I made. I got to school later and learned I flunked a test I took and am on the verge of flunking out and not getting my degree.

I told this to my T who told me (as he always does) that I need to do cognitive restructuring and can't only focus on the negative so he had me list positive things that happened, which were: I had a good coffee in the morning, the stain on my pants from the fall wasn't too visible and I didn't hit much traffic on the way home. Then he said "see, it wasn't a completely bad day."

But these positives are MINOR compared to negatives. This happens on a regular basis where I'll have major negatives happen and want to talk about them, but he'll insist I list some positives (which are minor), like that I had a nice breakfast or a friend responded to my text and then point out that these are positives I'm failing to see. When I try to argue that the positives are minor, he says I'm undoing the cognitive restructuring I should be doing.

Do you guys think I'm just being resistant to CBT? How do I deal with the annoyance?

I think you're pointing out a realistic flaw in CBT, not being resistant.

I don't know about cognitive restructuring but your therapist (at least from your description) is a moron.

I'd find another T.

THIS. This is why I won't do CBT. It's not for everyone. It may not be for you.

I won't do CBT either. I would last five minutes at all of that.

Gosh. The problem of that is that you're entitled to be pissed and feel all those feelings that come with it.

I don't see how ignoring your feelings when these things happens, helps. I'd be frustrated too.

Hmm... interesting. Maybe I would do well in CBT (never tried). I do those things automatically all the time to distract myself, detach myself from negative feelings, and to avoid dealing with my issues and pressing matter. Is this something they teach as a coping strategy? I think it can be helpful when done in moderation and in the right context, but if it's habitual, it'll get in the way of many important things. I've personally struggled for years to get out of these habits.

I find CBT to be really invalidating.

I do focus on small positives (I had a good coffee) and use it to block the big negatives in my life (my father is still emotionally abusive)...and that has harmed me.

I prefer Acceptance and Commitment therapy.

My anxiety is very severe and all I've been told by my GP, specialists, other non-CBT therapists I tried to see, internet resources, etc. is that I need to go to CBT because "CBT is empirically-based and is the most effective for anxiety."

I want to get better or see some sort of improvement, but it's not happening and I feel like it my fault.

People like to sing the praises of CBT, but it is not the only therapy that produces results. My sense is that it is helpful for certain things but not so much for other things. I think doctors and insurance companies like it because it can be a quick fix for straightforward issues. Regardless of the validity of CBT, your T seems to be majorly missing the point. It's completely invalidating to ignore huge stressors and challenges while focusing on positive bits of minutia. That would absolutely make me feel worse.

A big part of my therapy has been learning to accept my feelings as valid, learning how to calm myself, and learning how to ask for help when I need it. On the way, it has made me more appreciative of the little things and less likely to get overwhelmed by my feelings, but I don't think actively ignoring the bad stuff would help one bit.

I'd be annoyed with your therapist too. What he said seems invalidating but also just childishly simplistic or like someone phoning it in.

Part of the reason CBT claims to be more "empirically based" is that it's just plain easier and quicker to collect the data. When it does work, it tends to work quickly, though I personally think its effectiveness is limited and can be superficial. I have found it useful as a self-help technique but strict CBT therapy seems like it could be done just as well by a well-trained robot. And actually that's probably what insurance companies like about it. It's simplistic, well defined, quick, easy to collect data, and treats everyone -- therapists and clients -- like cogs in the machine. Very corporate-friendly.

I would say that if CBT has not helped you much after a year, that it would be reasonable to try something else. It's in no way your fault that you haven't seen relief yet, different kinds of therapy help different people. Perhaps the most pro-active step you could take right now would be to consider a change.

My therapist did a great deal of CBT with me, but he wouldn't have handled your example the way your therapist did. My therapist would have helped me explore the level of anxiety and frustration I was having, that feeling of being overwhelmed. He would have had me figure out what my thinking was about that plethora of crappy day events and how my thinking was driving my emotions. Eventually he would have helped me see if there was a different way of thinking about those events and coping healthily with those events that was more helpful to me. He WOULDN'T have had me invalidate my experience and feelings by ignoring them and trying to do a Pollyanna act (if you don't know who Pollyanna was, just consider it sunshine and rainbow thinking). Makes me wonder if your therapist is terribly skilled with CBT, but hard to know based on only one example.