[Swimmersusan]

Just a question to see if anyone has had changes from Ts? Like did you used to be allowed touch, did you hug at the end of session then suddenly not? Was you allowed to ave outside contact such as text, emails, calls? Then overtime this has been restricted?
If so did your T explain his/her reasons? How did you feel? Did you manage to work through it with your T and adapt to changes manage? Did it change your relationship with them? Better? Worse?

Just wondering others experiences with this, I've seen and read in other sites, that this does happen, but I'm not sure I've seen it on this forum and be interested to see the outcome of this thread

[Argonautomobile]

This has happened quite a bit on this forum. I don't want to call anyone out specifically - they might not want to talk about it - but I can think of many instances off the top of my head. Mostly relating to communication outside of session.

I think in general these are very painful, and feel more like the renunciation of privilege than the changing of a boundary.

I've not experienced it firsthand.

[kecanoe]

T1 has changed boundaries over the 10 years that I have been seeing him. Both loosened up and tightened up at different times. Each time, we've talked about it. I can't say that I have always loved it, but it has not been done in a punitive manner.

One of the few things that I am thankful for with my T is that he's almost always maintained his boundaries. The times that he hasn't have been for good reason. It was obvious whatever those reasons were fell outside of the norm and would not be regular occurrences. We don't communicate outside of session unless it regards schedule or if he emails me resources with two exceptions. He's touched me twice when I was under extreme duress. Otherwise we don't touch.

I can't imagine how much of a mess I would be if his boundaries were squishy. I'm already desperately attached to him.

[DP_2017]

Has not happened to me, thankfully, if it ever did, I'd lose a ton of trust in him though.

[Swimmersusan]

Originally Posted by DP_2017

Has not happened to me, thankfully, if it ever did, I'd lose a ton of trust in him though.

That's what I'm worried about, I have read about it a lot elsewhere and I'm starting to feel that it will happen to me as therapy continues, but then I worry about everything!
I have noticed slight changes but then I tell myself I'm being paranoid.

[hopealwayz]

That's how I ultimately ended up getting terminated from my ex-pdoc/therapist. I was with him for 8 years. He used to let me text him often and email him. And he always gave me a hug at the end of sessions. One time, I was crying so hard and he stroked my hair while he hugged me. And he gave me coffee for every session. I got used to these things.

Then, suddenly he said that he was cutting all of that off and gave me a 2 page list of rules to follow. Since, I was so used to contacting him outside of session, I had a problem not contacting him. Finally, in May 2016, he said that he was terminating me. That shattered my heart and was one of the most painful things that I've been through.

my first therapist did this all the time. it was so confusing. she would just say "well, I changed my mind" whenever I told her how all these changing boundaries were affecting me in a bad way.

[satsuma]

This has not happened to me, and I am very thankful it has not. I would absolutely not be able to cope with these kinds of changes from a T. I think it would be an absolute deal breaker and would have caused me to leave therapy, possibly for ever.

I know there are stories here of people who have had this situation and have somehow managed to work through it, and I admire their strength and courage.

My opinion is that if the boundaries change this is always a big mess-up on the part of the T. It should be up to them to know what they are able to cope with, and to hold the line and be consistent.

[hopealwayz]

Originally Posted by satsuma

This has not happened to me, and I am very thankful it has not. I would absolutely not be able to cope with these kinds of changes from a T. I think it would be an absolute deal breaker and would have caused me to leave therapy, possibly for ever.

I know there are stories here of people who have had this situation and have somehow managed to work through it, and I admire their strength and courage.

My opinion is that if the boundaries change this is always a big mess-up on the part of the T. It should be up to them to know what they are able to cope with, and to hold the line and be consistent.

Exactly! A T should keep consistent boundaries because changing boundaries can actually lead to emotional harm.

After what happened with my first T, I've totally felt different about therapy and now I have deeper trust issues and a lot of my current therapy has involved trying to heal from the damage of my first therapy. My Ex-T will never know how badly he hurt me.

[DP_2017]

Originally Posted by satsuma

This has not happened to me, and I am very thankful it has not. I would absolutely not be able to cope with these kinds of changes from a T. I think it would be an absolute deal breaker and would have caused me to leave therapy, possibly for ever.

I know there are stories here of people who have had this situation and have somehow managed to work through it, and I admire their strength and courage.

My opinion is that if the boundaries change this is always a big mess-up on the part of the T. It should be up to them to know what they are able to cope with, and to hold the line and be consistent.

I agree, not happened here either and I would hope for consistent as well, especially with people with trust issues and such. This forum has concerned me about this happening though. I'm kinda sick about it.

Originally Posted by hopealwayz

That's how I ultimately ended up getting terminated from my ex-pdoc/therapist. I was with him for 8 years. He used to let me text him often and email him. And he always gave me a hug at the end of sessions. One time, I was crying so hard and he stroked my hair while he hugged me. And he gave me coffee for every session. I got used to these things.

Then, suddenly he said that he was cutting all of that off and gave me a 2 page list of rules to follow. Since, I was so used to contacting him outside of session, I had a problem not contacting him. Finally, in May 2016, he said that he was terminating me. That shattered my heart and was one of the most painful things that I've been through.

Yikes! That is a lot like me... only things are good still. Now I am terrified. Did he give a reason as to why the change?

[hopealwayz]

I think he was getting tired of me and in early 2016, his whole personality totally changed.
He became cold. After he terminated me, he said that he hated me.

[BudFox]

There was only one therapist where "boundaries" became an issue. It wasn't the slight changes she imposed that were the problem. The issue was the whole notion of paying someone to subject me to contrived and self-serving boundaries, packaged as a learning tool. Completely patronizing and infantilizing.

[koru_kiwi]

Originally Posted by Swimmersusan

Just a question to see if anyone has had changes from Ts? Like did you used to be allowed touch, did you hug at the end of session then suddenly not? Was you allowed to ave outside contact such as text, emails, calls? Then overtime this has been restricted?
If so did your T explain his/her reasons? How did you feel? Did you manage to work through it with your T and adapt to changes manage? Did it change your relationship with them? Better? Worse?

yes, this happened to me with my ex-T on a few occasions. the most painful was when he decided that he was going to restrict having a hug at the end of sessions because of his own counter transference reaction. i won't go into specifics to what his CT was all about, but it was incredibly painful and i spent 10 sessions (5 weeks going twice a week) and even hubbys intervention to get T to feel ok about having physical contact with me again. at the time when it happened, it reinforced the idea that i was 'tainted' and unworthy of any basic physical human contact.

another time, ex-T decided that he was going reduce outside of session contact. this would not have been so bad if only ex-T had discussed it prior to making his decision. he decided on his own, without letting me know and it was at a time when i was at my lowest point ever in therapy and truly needed some support from him. when i became suspicious and confronted him on his decision to cut back contact, he admitted to it and it because of what felt covert on his part, it drastically effected my trust in him. i no longer felt safe in therapy or with my therapist. this (and another issue at the same time) resulted in me taking a 6 week break from my ex-T and when i returned to sessions, i decided to officially cut back from 2 times a week to one mainly because i doubted the safety with my T.

overall, my ex-T definilty struggled with being consistent in the boundaries and this is where i believe many of the problems can arise. it is no different then parenting a young child...those parents who remain constant and consistent with their children raise a child who feels safe and secure. it always baffled me how much that my ex-T seemed to struggle with this consistency and in the end, it definilty lead to more harm in the relationship than good.