[Mouse_]

AARggghh, just spent 1 1/4hrs stuck in heavy traffic...and had to make that dreaded dicision that I just weren't gonna get to session ...I kept thinking, ok we're be about 10mins late, then each turning we came to was more traffic...felt myself feeling ashsamed for wanting even 5mins of session but decided that I needed to use my comom sense and turn around and head home ....why can't T's be a bit more flexible and allow the odd session to be delayed ???? I mean I'm not talking all the time, geez I've only ever missed 1 session in 3yrs...I guess I'm just angry coz it hurts...bollocks!

[Mouse_]

oh %#@&#! I just emailed T and wrote what I wrote here :-(

[Mouse_]

I'm sitting here laughing. T replied, one line, acknowldeging my upset but also stating, I am right, there is no flexiblity with the times. I can't tell you how much that point blank refusal to be moved by my anger feels so empowering for me! I guess thats why its important to stick with rules when raising children. she then added, if I wish to email her later on she will reply.

[Rapunzel]

I hate being late, because I don't want to miss any of my time. Since I drive so far, sometimes things come up that I can't control though. And there was once that I was ready to leave early, sat down on the couch, and the cat got on my lap and went to sleep. I couldn't see a clock, but figured I had a few minutes to hold the cat (and that's therapeutic too). Well, time stopped (I thought), only it didn't really, and traffic wasn't nice that day, and I had to stop for gas and put oil in the car about half way there. I kept thinking I would be able to make up the time, but when I got out of the canyon and got phone service, T called me asking if I was coming. I was hoping to be no more than 10 minutes late, but it ended up being 15 or 20, and T's clock was fast that day, and she said I was lucky she called, and that she waited for me. It was weird to pull up and find her outside watering plants. I have 90 minute sessions, so it's still worth being there if I'm late, but I hate it. At least I've learned to call T and leave a message if something happens and I'm running late.

Sorry for the long story. I just wanted to say I relate, and that is aggravating. It's nice that she will email you - at least that's something.

Rap

[Perna]

Oh, I would have had to keep driving, to get there even after she'd gone, etc. I use to be desperate to get to T until the time I called her from the car and told her I would be late. From then on the bond was okay and I wasn't desperate anymore, I could "talk" to her.

But we often have to pay for sessions we miss here in the U.S., doesn't matter the reason? I never missed any so it didn't come up until I was sick in 2003. Then she brought it up when I called the day of appointments but I think she felt sheepish when I ended up in hospital and having true emergencies and not being able to call beforehand. I only paid for one session which I instigated paying for and she tried to say was "okay" that I didn't have to pay. I paid her anyway :-) I'm a master of keeping to rules, thanks to my stepmother.

[Mouse_]

Perna, Yup I have to pay for missed sessions also as I pay out of pocket. I'm ok with that. I got caught up in traffic once before and managed to get to T with 15mins left and today I realised this is maddness, I need to learn to accept the disappointment of not being able to get there. Funny because disappointment has come up recently and today I actually even thorugh my anger, tried to watch my disappointment and its an awful thing!...BUT of course T has handled it appropriately and I am glad I allowed her to see my "ugly" side today because if I had hidden my anger from her and not let her know about how I felt real the flexibilty, I would never have had a chance to workt through it...

[MissCharlotte]

((Mouse))

Damn, I would hate that. I personally believe you are most perfectly normal for wanting even five minutes with T. Five minutes with T is better than five minutes alone, isn't it? Anyway, maybe you can journal whatever you would have said to T today. Or draw a picture of your inner child who missed T?

Once I was stuck in a really heavy traffic jam due to an accident and luckily, I had a cell phone and was able to call T from the car. Even luckier, he had extra time because the person after me had cancelled so I was still able to see him.

Sorry you are feeling so sad.

[Mouse_]

HI sister, No I'm not sad anymore, infact today has turned out to be a really good day, re this. I actually got to tell T that I hate the boundaries, something I've not really had to say beforee because I've always managed to get there and make the most of the time. She wouldnt have given me extra slot even if she had it. I've emailed with her again this afternoon and was quite open and honest and told her I appricate her sticking to her guns as it gives me permission in my life to stick to my guns, but having said this, I still struggle with knowing she cares, to which she replied that I was trying to force her to do something to prove she cares when infact the boundaries are there because she cares and to keep me safe and protected adn she wouldnt pretend to care and if she didnt care that would be something we would work with. You know once upon a time reading that last bit, about if she didnt care we'd work with it, would have sent me running, now I guess I do trust that it wouldnt be a "I don't like you" kind of bitterness, it would be a real honesty about ones feelings toward another, something we all have at times, and that doesnt mean THE END of us...emotional honesty is indeed the VERY BEST POLICY...even though its all very new to me....the only honesty I/we that grew up in dysfunctional families knew was brutal emotions, not honest emotions...so yes, today was a very good session, even though it never took place, if that makes sense :-)

[MissCharlotte]

Hey Mouse,

Well, yeah, it makes perfect sense. About as much sense as T's vacation (that I really suffered through) catapulted me eons into knowing myself better.

I also really get the idea of accepting that the thought of T not caring does not mean "the end" of me. Although, I'm not there all the time and I still shudder at the thought of him not caring about me.

The emotion in my family was not often loving. It was usually filled with spilled out anger and the lack of boundaries was beyond anything remotely acceptable. I think that's why T's boundaries are good. They help me to feel safe.

Peace

[Perna]

I still cling to the "not caring" being a "temporary" thing were it to happen with a T, or the T would not keep seeing one? So, I could deal with the T having a bad day and not caring about me that day :-) as long as it was just a "fluke" and there wasn't something "wrong" with me as to why she didn't care for me (I wasn't the right size/shape/didn't say the right things, etc.).

I like that you can express your anger at the boundaries well, Mouse; I always tried to be clever and "entertain" my T, afraid if I wasn't hard working, intelligent, and "fun" that she'd grow bored or not care about me in the sense one often doesn't want to be with an unpleasant or boring person, no matter how much help you think they may need.