Couch 155: The International Operator

It's past her lunch break. I know hers due to the clinic opening hours.

I can wait but my work schedule can be unpredictable so I only called today in the morning (normally I leave the message in the morning and she calls me in the afternoon) because I know I'd be at my desk all afternoon with no work meetings.

Damn, that sucks *hugs*

What if something had happened to him?
I'm overthinking I know lol

Haha... I personally think there's a huge difference between cat/dog and fish. BF has a freshwater and a saltwater aquarium, but really... Dogs and birds are way better & more interesting. We had many fish die "just because". There are some that are very sensitive to basically everything, having 0.1deg. C over there usual water temperature can kill them.
So yeah. Fish are hard. I don't think that has anything to do with how affectionate you are Knowing you, I believe you'd be perfectly capable of taking care of a pet, especially as you do have a lot of affection.

Could she be on vacation, or just not have time to call you back? How long does it usually take her?

I'd be angry with him too for that. You deserve weekly appointments. Could you ask him to notify you if his case load changes?

Reading how everyone here is struggeling with appointments I feel really bad about freaking out because I probably won't get twice weekly anymore

Demunie, no comparing! you need twice weekly. Same as how some of us need weekly or once a fortnight

I'd love a dog or cat but I'd get jealous if it preferred my parents over me.

I spend 10-12 hours outside the house though... :/

I wouldn't entrust a pet to my parents. They treated raising us like punitive dog training (Focus on the Family did use a dog metaphor & Ezzo's books on "breaking the wills" of children).

I don't know if she's on vacation. I'd asked her to tell me in advance if so just to avoid this problem but she might have forgot...

Normally if I call the hospital in the morning, she calls in the afternoon of the same day.

Not so sure anymore... T said it's unusual to request twice weekly, even more to request twice weekly for more than a year... Meaning that I must think that I'm doing worse than most people, but I'm not doing that bad, so..?

Yeah... Pets are sensitive you know... They don't bond with bad people, so I doubt they'd prefer your parents over you...

That sounds awful I'm sorry your family has treated you that way.

*hugs* I hope she gets back to you soon.

Apparently he thinks long term clients usually come fortnightly. Apparently I feel entitled and I am not worthy

You DO have awful symptoms, even though you force yourself to function despite them. Even though you drag yourself to university and stuff. You report a lot of dissociation, pretty bad SH, chronic and acute physical stuff too. A few local people I know (those that talk openly) who approach that level end up taking extended sick leave off work or they ward themselves, or they do freelance work because full-time isn't possible for them.

Those few I know who do manage everything (job, school, often both together) still tend to...uh...have dissociative disorders...and they kinda grit through everything. That's just my experience and of course I don't know everyone in the world, just talking about my under 30 year old friends/peers/acquaintances.

I don't have as severe the level of symptoms I used to have ever since I landed on a suitable med combo and started seeing current T almost 3 years ago. I really hope you can experience something like that *hugs*

Also one day I want a Labrador to love

Demunie I hope you get twice weekly appoinments, and QM I hope your T gets bck to you.

Regarding your T, is seeing a second T for additional support an option? I did that briefly with another T for LGBT stuff. Considering going back to him since I've to wait 7? more weeks till T.

Totally understand if you feel you rather not open up to another therapist though

Hugs... <3
Sigh... maybe... or I make everything up and...

I hate my head.

You might want to think about that, they leave a trace of destruction lol.

Hugs. I doubt you're making things up. Really. *hugs* I used to and still sometimes think I made things up even though I've corroboration from siblings and my partner.

Because what little I remember feels so unreal and has no emotion and is hazy or incoherent or whatever...And there's stuff they say happened which I've no memory of.

And yea, a particular friend who is very dissociative tell me they wonder if they made things up or if it was a bad nightmare...depending on their internal feelings... Even with court records as it was that bad...

My T always says what matters is the emotions even if there's no memory (visual or otherwise) attached to it.

Omg Mala is so active and curious xD

Uhh... I think you're very worthy and if you feel you need it, that's ok. Nothing wrong about wanting weekly sessions...

Wow... where did he get that idea from? Even in my country there's lots of Ts who want long term clients to come weekly.

I know someone who's gone weekly for 4 years (approaching 5 now) without any issue in public healthcare subsidised by my government

I really think he has issues with me but never owns up when challenged.

Urgs, that sucks.
Have you ever thought about getting another T in general?

Yes I have but I have come a long way with him and I am scared to start with someone else as it would take me years to get where I am now. I really don't open up well with people. If they didn't work I would have to wait years to see him again.

He has issues with how avoidant I am. He hasn't outright said it but I know.

Sorry you aren't feeling well. Hope you feel better soon

This is my lab/corgi cross

I'm tired of being alone, I'm tired of being afraid all the time.
I wish I had someone to hug me. I wish someone IRL cared.
I wish I had some safe place to sleep... to cry... to live. I can be alone only in a toilet.
I love people, but I'm tired of judgmental people around me. I need help and support and feel guilty for that.

Sorry, just a random vent.